Friday, March 20, 2009
I KNOW A GIRL CALLED ELSA
Dad rocking dad Liam Gallagher has announced that he is going to start a clothes range, following in the footsteps of the likes of Puff PY PIE Diddy Daddy Doddy, Lily Allen and some other pop stars.
He has announced that he is "not into the skinny look. That's what I'm here for, to get rid of them shoes that come at you like a snooker cue".
Liam may have a point, and may have tapped into the desires of the common man ... or woman.
Last weekend, I saw some pictures of Liam at the wedding reception of somebody or other. The other guests included Sir Jimmy Savile, Bobby Davro, Frank Bruno and Sam Allardyce. Liam was seen making a cross sign and giving the face off to a priest (I think he was having a laugh).
Anyway, Liam was wearing what appeared to be fluffy leopard skin print moccasin slippers.
No spots on Our Kid
A couple of days later I saw some leopard skin moccasins in the women's shoe section at Primark.
A hotshot group of Primark movers and shakers must have had an emergency meeting at two o'clock on Monday morning to get their manufacturers to supply leopard skin moccasins FOR THE PEOPLE as soon as possible. What Liam wears, the public wants.
All credit to them for getting the goods onto the shelves at lightning speed.
Presumably there are millions of women in South London who walk around with a rolling gait, feet at a ninety degree angle, ciggie between thumb and forefinger and a studied underbite, absolutely gagging at the thought of getting a four quid pair of mock leopard skin moccasins.
*nice one*
Labels: clothes, Jimmy Savile, Liam Gallagher, moccasins, Primark, ten to two feet, underbites
Monday, February 16, 2009
TWAT
I can currently be found on Twitter. I don't know how you can find me on Twitter, but I trust you to use your initiative if you can be bothered.
I very vaguely understand what it's about, but it may take several years to gain any real insight into it.
I mean, I used to listen to Jimmy Savile's Old Record Club for years and years and eventually got the hang of it, although it would have seemed completely incomprehensible to the outsider. All that stuff along the lines of "Graham Archive! Graham Archive! Now then! We shalt with the carry on! As it so 'appens it was number eight and I just got two million points from you lot because it was the one and only THE FOUR TOPS you see!"
Well ... Twitter can't be any more incomprehensible than that, can it?
There's always the chance that I will make a spontaneous, off the cuff remark that will upset people. After all, I'm not vetting myself in the same way that I do when blogging. So ... it might be worth checking out just for that ... er, if you can find me.
I won't be abandoning blogging though. This is where I'll still post all the thoughtful, sensitive, award winning stuff about my beautiful children and my uncle's gruesome illness as usual, to the complete indifference of the blogosphere.
Labels: Graham Archive, Jimmy Savile, Twitter, Twitter twatter twotter
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
LIFE IN A KENTISH SITTING ROOM, VOLUME 37
Excerpts from recent conversation. We were both sober at the time.
Geoff: "Have you ever slept in a hammock?"
Me: "No. Have you?"
Geoff: "I don't THINK I have, but I can't be certain."
* * * * * * *
Me: "Blancmange seems to be some sort of Arabic pudding originally. It's a pretty pointless sort of dish really."
Geoff: "Yeah, it is boring."
Me: "Mind you, it's one of those bland foods that my parents said are good for people who have stomach upsets."
Geoff: "Oh, come on, that's bollocks, it's sweet and sickly."
Me: "Yeah, but it's bland. They also thought steamed fish is good for anyone who's ill."
Geoff: (pulls face)
Me: "Just the smell of steamed fish makes me feel sick, it probably reminds me of being a child and having to eat it when I was ill. The other thing they said was that you could cure diarrhea by eating chocolate."
Geoff: Yeah yeah yeah, you've said that before a million times."
* * * * * * *
Geoff: "So, is it common knowledge that Jimmy Savile is a necrophiliac?"
Geoff: "Have you ever slept in a hammock?"
Me: "No. Have you?"
Geoff: "I don't THINK I have, but I can't be certain."
* * * * * * *
Me: "Blancmange seems to be some sort of Arabic pudding originally. It's a pretty pointless sort of dish really."
Geoff: "Yeah, it is boring."
Me: "Mind you, it's one of those bland foods that my parents said are good for people who have stomach upsets."
Geoff: "Oh, come on, that's bollocks, it's sweet and sickly."
Me: "Yeah, but it's bland. They also thought steamed fish is good for anyone who's ill."
Geoff: (pulls face)
Me: "Just the smell of steamed fish makes me feel sick, it probably reminds me of being a child and having to eat it when I was ill. The other thing they said was that you could cure diarrhea by eating chocolate."
Geoff: Yeah yeah yeah, you've said that before a million times."
* * * * * * *
Geoff: "So, is it common knowledge that Jimmy Savile is a necrophiliac?"
Labels: Arabic puddings, Blancmange the rubbish band from Sheffield, housewives' tales, Jimmy Savile, necrophilia
