Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Roland Keaton has an Irish fiddle - not for the first time either

It is with great sadness that I read that gravel voiced strawberry blond Irishman Roland Keaton of the vocal group Boys One has parted company with his wife of thirty seven years after cheating on her with some fancy piece from the Dougie Squires Dancers.

Is nothing sacred in this world when an apparently upstanding, sensible man - indeed, a man so upstanding and sensible that he sucked all of the joy and life enhancing qualities from pop music - can put it about like the most common sewer rat?

I don't know the answer to this question, but am handing the post over to a worldly East Ender called Debs who has words of advice for Roland's estranged wife.

Debs: not bitter

Yvonne babe, I won't beat abaaaht the bush. There's summink me gran used to say to me. She was only four foot eight bless 'er but she used to make soup for people during the Blitz and had twelve children. People used to call her a tower of strengff. "'ere comes Doll" they used to say, "she's a bleedin' tower of strengff she is. She's 'ad to be since 'er sister went mad after havin' that prolapse."

Anyway, me old gran always, always used to say to me abaaht my ex husband "a leopard never changes its spots babe."

Go on darlin - fink abaaaht it. "A leopard never changes its spots."

I said FINK ABAAAHT IT. I wish I bloody 'ad.

It took me thirty two years to pack 'is bags and boot 'im aaaht of the front door.

'e still 'asn't changed 'is spots.

I wish my gran 'ad lived to see me 'ave the guts to boot 'im aaht ...

... and I wish she's lived to see 'ow 'appy I am now wiv me new 18 year old boyfriend Kyle. 'e goes like a barn door in a force nine gale all bleedin' day long. I was never 'appy wiv that aspect of the relationship wiv my ex-husband. 'e was never very tactile, the selfish pig.

Yvonne luv, A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES ITS SPOTS. Just chuck 'im aaaht and get on wiv your life. You've got to be strong naaah - strong for the kids and strong for yourself. But it's wurff it. Somewhere aaaht there is someone who will love you for you.


UPDATE: Gorblimey girl, it looks like she took my advice!

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