Wednesday, August 04, 2010
THE WAG CLUB
Betty is AWAY. She's deeply imbibing the bracing airs of Tenby during the daytime and sipping Creme De Menthe and reading secondhand Catherine Cookson paperbacks that smell of stale milk in the static caravan of an evening.
Therefore, another guest columnist is brought to the helm.
Alex Gerrard is the lovely, fragrant wife of charismatic Liverpool and England footballer Steven. The former nail technician (cf: Wikipedia) has a distinguished career as a newspaper columnist. Her opinions have been sought by think tanks and her no nonsense, brutal but forward thinking views on tackling world recession have become the basis of the current coalition government's policy.
Here is a unique insight into one of the great minds of our age. You lucky, lucky people.
"R. A.!! I rairly like them hareeeem pants in the shops, they're dead sound!! I saw a dead nice pair in Cricket the other day, they were what the fashionistas call "greige" or summat like that, and they 'ad all these pleats round the front and they were in this silky drapey material and they were dead high waisted an' all, and I was honestly gonna get 'em there and then but I 'ad second thoughts because I thought they might make me look like me nan goin' the bingo on Wednesday nights! What do you think???"
Labels: guest columnists, hareeeem pants, high waists, MENSA, Steven Gerrard, style icons, WAGS
Thursday, October 18, 2007
FRANKIE SAYS - ARM THE UNEMPLOYED
Hmm, I'm pretty busy here at the moment (mostly doing unpleasant stuff) so I haven't got time at present to do any more blogging about the Norfolk holiday (which I'll hopefully spin out until Christmas).
In the meantime, you'll have to make do with one of the occasional contributions from the Bexley Xtra's gossip columnist Polly Witterings. See you later.
* * * * * * *
Hi! Polly Witterings here once more with all the news that's hot - and some that you're not supposed to know about!!!!!!!!
Congratulations to Lily Allen (23), singing cockney reggae daughter of outrageous funnyman Keith Allen (56), who has dropped from a gargantuan, repulsive, sweaty, outlandish dress size 12 (size 157 in the USA folks!) to a chubby but more socially acceptable size 8. Lily credits her weight loss to stress caused by the break up with her man, DJ Somebody Or Other (28). Well done Lily, but we here at the Xtra think you should dye your hair blonde and get plastic surgery to look like somebody more pretty - Jessica Simpson (22) (for instance!!! LOL !!!!!
Lily Allen: fat munter
A "get well soon" from the Xtra desk to swarthy Welsh pocket Hercules, Kelly Jones of Welsh rockers The Stereophonics. Welshman Kelly (34) is nursing an injured arm after getting into a fracas with a security guard who wouldn't let him get into the ladies' toilets at a top London nightclub! Come on Kelly - is there something you'd like to tell us?????!!!!! After all, Kelly is a girl's name!!!!! LOL!!!!!!
Here at the Xtra, we girlies (average age: 37) are overcome with excitement at the prospect of the Sex And The City movie! We are virtually salivating over all the leaked pictures of the ladies wearing some droolsomely stylish outfits on set!!!! We're loving Sarah Jessica Parker's long argyle socks and retro Katherine Hamnett"Frankie Goes To Hollywood" big t-shirt!!!!!!!! We're all off now to frantically scour the shops to find all the copycat clothes in homage to the ladies. Sarah (58) (dress size minus 4) is probably THE style icon of all time!!!!
Sarah Jessica Parker - style icon (necklace - £758.99, Christian Lacroix vintage, model's own).
Video internet site YouTube went into meltdown last night as millions of people went online to see the latest footage of Britney Spears setting fire to her minge!
In the meantime, you'll have to make do with one of the occasional contributions from the Bexley Xtra's gossip columnist Polly Witterings. See you later.
* * * * * * *
Hi! Polly Witterings here once more with all the news that's hot - and some that you're not supposed to know about!!!!!!!!
Congratulations to Lily Allen (23), singing cockney reggae daughter of outrageous funnyman Keith Allen (56), who has dropped from a gargantuan, repulsive, sweaty, outlandish dress size 12 (size 157 in the USA folks!) to a chubby but more socially acceptable size 8. Lily credits her weight loss to stress caused by the break up with her man, DJ Somebody Or Other (28). Well done Lily, but we here at the Xtra think you should dye your hair blonde and get plastic surgery to look like somebody more pretty - Jessica Simpson (22) (for instance!!! LOL !!!!!
Lily Allen: fat munter
A "get well soon" from the Xtra desk to swarthy Welsh pocket Hercules, Kelly Jones of Welsh rockers The Stereophonics. Welshman Kelly (34) is nursing an injured arm after getting into a fracas with a security guard who wouldn't let him get into the ladies' toilets at a top London nightclub! Come on Kelly - is there something you'd like to tell us?????!!!!! After all, Kelly is a girl's name!!!!! LOL!!!!!!
Here at the Xtra, we girlies (average age: 37) are overcome with excitement at the prospect of the Sex And The City movie! We are virtually salivating over all the leaked pictures of the ladies wearing some droolsomely stylish outfits on set!!!! We're loving Sarah Jessica Parker's long argyle socks and retro Katherine Hamnett"Frankie Goes To Hollywood" big t-shirt!!!!!!!! We're all off now to frantically scour the shops to find all the copycat clothes in homage to the ladies. Sarah (58) (dress size minus 4) is probably THE style icon of all time!!!!
Sarah Jessica Parker - style icon (necklace - £758.99, Christian Lacroix vintage, model's own).
Video internet site YouTube went into meltdown last night as millions of people went online to see the latest footage of Britney Spears setting fire to her minge!
Labels: fat munters, horse faced women, Katherine Hamnett, men with girls' names, style icons, the Midlands, the Welsh, Welsh rockers
