Thursday, May 03, 2007
TWATTER
As part of my new *part time blogging* regime there are going to be a lot more very short posts.
"Well, wouldn't it be better for you to get a Twitter account?" you may ask.
Here in sequential diary form is a demonstration of the reasons why I shouldn't have a Twitter account ...
*Had long and tedious dream last night in which nothing much happened except that Julian Lennon and Sean Lennon both left boring messages on my answerphone asking me to get back to them.
*Am now inflicted with terrible earworm - Julian Lennon's Too Late For Goodbyes, with that revolting toy mouth organ solo at about 1 min. 50 on the YouTube video**.
*Attempt to mow lawn as lawnmower falls apart. Main body of mower literally held together with bits of string.
*May starts, hay fever symptoms start. Oh, to be in England, in the summertime ...
*Am recovering from night of fitful, feverish sleep. Left leg was aching, so assumed that I must have deep vein thrombosis and would be quite dead within the hour.
*Last night's dream: managed to blag way into Oscar ceremonies, accompanied by "huge star" (a burly Robert Duvall lookalike with a Noo Joisey accent). "I have a man on a huge salary just so he can tell me what I want to hear," says Robert.
*Marvel at the fact that the area outside where the Academy Awards is held looks exactly like the street where my Auntie Joyce used to live.
*Earworm: still Julian Lennon, still the toy mouth organ. Someone shoot me.
*Buy some nuts and bolts at Robert Dyas to carry out emergency repair work on lawnmower.
*Comforted by the fact that the young Richard Attenborough (circa Brighton Rock) lookalike still works at Robert Dyas.
*Roots need touching up. Must lighten hair because, hey, it's the summer and I don't want to end up having what Grunhaus once described as "the Jim Kerr circa Promised You A Miracle" look**.
*New earworm ... Promised You A Miracle by Simple Minds.
*er ... "anything is possEEEEbull ... rhythm of LIFE" ...
**stares into middle distances, like Jim Kerr out of Simple Minds*
**twiddles thumbs*
** that's something else - I bet you can't link to things on Twitter. Not that I've looked into it mind ...
*** having made a big thing of the fact that I am in semi retirement, it really IS time to step away from the coalface of blogging and get back to me Margaret Atwood. See you all in a bit.
"Well, wouldn't it be better for you to get a Twitter account?" you may ask.
Here in sequential diary form is a demonstration of the reasons why I shouldn't have a Twitter account ...
*Had long and tedious dream last night in which nothing much happened except that Julian Lennon and Sean Lennon both left boring messages on my answerphone asking me to get back to them.
*Am now inflicted with terrible earworm - Julian Lennon's Too Late For Goodbyes, with that revolting toy mouth organ solo at about 1 min. 50 on the YouTube video**.
*Attempt to mow lawn as lawnmower falls apart. Main body of mower literally held together with bits of string.
*May starts, hay fever symptoms start. Oh, to be in England, in the summertime ...
*Am recovering from night of fitful, feverish sleep. Left leg was aching, so assumed that I must have deep vein thrombosis and would be quite dead within the hour.
*Last night's dream: managed to blag way into Oscar ceremonies, accompanied by "huge star" (a burly Robert Duvall lookalike with a Noo Joisey accent). "I have a man on a huge salary just so he can tell me what I want to hear," says Robert.
*Marvel at the fact that the area outside where the Academy Awards is held looks exactly like the street where my Auntie Joyce used to live.
*Earworm: still Julian Lennon, still the toy mouth organ. Someone shoot me.
*Buy some nuts and bolts at Robert Dyas to carry out emergency repair work on lawnmower.
*Comforted by the fact that the young Richard Attenborough (circa Brighton Rock) lookalike still works at Robert Dyas.
*Roots need touching up. Must lighten hair because, hey, it's the summer and I don't want to end up having what Grunhaus once described as "the Jim Kerr circa Promised You A Miracle" look**.
*New earworm ... Promised You A Miracle by Simple Minds.
*er ... "anything is possEEEEbull ... rhythm of LIFE" ...
**stares into middle distances, like Jim Kerr out of Simple Minds*
**twiddles thumbs*
** that's something else - I bet you can't link to things on Twitter. Not that I've looked into it mind ...
*** having made a big thing of the fact that I am in semi retirement, it really IS time to step away from the coalface of blogging and get back to me Margaret Atwood. See you all in a bit.
Labels: Academy Awards, hay fever, Jim Kerr's bootpolish hair dye, Julian Lennon, lawnmowers, mouth organs, Robert Duvall, semi retirement, Twatter, Twitter, Twotter
Saturday, April 21, 2007
SHAG
So there I was, just before Easter, sat in the garden because the weather was unusually warm for April, with the legs of my jeans rolled up so I could give the varicose veins an airing, wearing the prescription sunglasses that really fuck up my eyes ...
I'm painting a lovely picture here for you, aren't I?
Any road, I finally finished Shaggy Blog Stories.
I didn't laugh out loud very much. Then again, I rarely laugh out loud at anything, and then usually only when I'm drunk.
An example of stuff that makes me laugh out loud:
Morecambe And Wise being driven to their new "home" by James Hunt.
The carwash scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Beyond The Implode's review of The Heaven And Earth Show
Otherwise, I can report that there's some good writing in Shaggy Blog Stories, and very little that sets my teeth on edge. Well, I wasn't too keen on all the culinary posts, but that's probably because I can't cook and have a problem with food because I put weight on easily ... nothing personal, like, heh heh.
In Terrible Confession Mode, I have to admit to liking the My Boyfriend Is A Twat post about seeing Cliff Richard by accident. Will this get me drummed out of the Real Bloggers association? Ha ha, I'm not bothered anymore, what with being semi retired and all.
We were asked to nominate three SBS stories we liked that were from blogs that we normally wouldn't read or were on our blogroll, so I'm referring you to The H Factor (menstruation and the generally hideousness of the idea of reusable menstrual devices), The Big Side Order (pruning indoor plants) and Invading Holland (getting stuck in a lift).
I'd say all in all it's a pretty enjoyable read.
Otherwise, there seems to be a podcast with contributions from the writers in the offing. Fear not, dear reader, I won't be enhancing it with my Noddy Holder On Mogadon drone because vee don't haff the technology. You really have had a lucky escape there.
I'm painting a lovely picture here for you, aren't I?
Any road, I finally finished Shaggy Blog Stories.
I didn't laugh out loud very much. Then again, I rarely laugh out loud at anything, and then usually only when I'm drunk.
An example of stuff that makes me laugh out loud:
Morecambe And Wise being driven to their new "home" by James Hunt.
The carwash scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Beyond The Implode's review of The Heaven And Earth Show
Otherwise, I can report that there's some good writing in Shaggy Blog Stories, and very little that sets my teeth on edge. Well, I wasn't too keen on all the culinary posts, but that's probably because I can't cook and have a problem with food because I put weight on easily ... nothing personal, like, heh heh.
In Terrible Confession Mode, I have to admit to liking the My Boyfriend Is A Twat post about seeing Cliff Richard by accident. Will this get me drummed out of the Real Bloggers association? Ha ha, I'm not bothered anymore, what with being semi retired and all.
We were asked to nominate three SBS stories we liked that were from blogs that we normally wouldn't read or were on our blogroll, so I'm referring you to The H Factor (menstruation and the generally hideousness of the idea of reusable menstrual devices), The Big Side Order (pruning indoor plants) and Invading Holland (getting stuck in a lift).
I'd say all in all it's a pretty enjoyable read.
Otherwise, there seems to be a podcast with contributions from the writers in the offing. Fear not, dear reader, I won't be enhancing it with my Noddy Holder On Mogadon drone because vee don't haff the technology. You really have had a lucky escape there.
Labels: semi retirement, Shaggy Blog Stories, squints, thick Brummies
