Thursday, May 03, 2007


As part of my new *part time blogging* regime there are going to be a lot more very short posts.

"Well, wouldn't it be better for you to get a Twitter account?" you may ask.

Here in sequential diary form is a demonstration of the reasons why I shouldn't have a Twitter account ...

*Had long and tedious dream last night in which nothing much happened except that Julian Lennon and Sean Lennon both left boring messages on my answerphone asking me to get back to them.

*Am now inflicted with terrible earworm - Julian Lennon's Too Late For Goodbyes, with that revolting toy mouth organ solo at about 1 min. 50 on the YouTube video**.

*Attempt to mow lawn as lawnmower falls apart. Main body of mower literally held together with bits of string.

*May starts, hay fever symptoms start. Oh, to be in England, in the summertime ...

*Am recovering from night of fitful, feverish sleep. Left leg was aching, so assumed that I must have deep vein thrombosis and would be quite dead within the hour.

*Last night's dream: managed to blag way into Oscar ceremonies, accompanied by "huge star" (a burly Robert Duvall lookalike with a Noo Joisey accent). "I have a man on a huge salary just so he can tell me what I want to hear," says Robert.

*Marvel at the fact that the area outside where the Academy Awards is held looks exactly like the street where my Auntie Joyce used to live.

*Earworm: still Julian Lennon, still the toy mouth organ. Someone shoot me.

*Buy some nuts and bolts at Robert Dyas to carry out emergency repair work on lawnmower.

*Comforted by the fact that the young Richard Attenborough (circa Brighton Rock) lookalike still works at Robert Dyas.

*Roots need touching up. Must lighten hair because, hey, it's the summer and I don't want to end up having what Grunhaus once described as "the Jim Kerr circa Promised You A Miracle" look**.

*New earworm ... Promised You A Miracle by Simple Minds.

*er ... "anything is possEEEEbull ... rhythm of LIFE" ...

**stares into middle distances, like Jim Kerr out of Simple Minds*

**twiddles thumbs*

** that's something else - I bet you can't link to things on Twitter. Not that I've looked into it mind ...

*** having made a big thing of the fact that I am in semi retirement, it really IS time to step away from the coalface of blogging and get back to me Margaret Atwood. See you all in a bit.

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Go on, post another one, you know that you want to. One more can't do any harm can it? You can quit at any time, you know.
I have been able to forget all about Simple Minds. And now this. And now you bugger off to read Alias Grace....mutter, mutter.
Sounds like a splendid Twitter set of posts. You can link on there but I have no idea how.
(gasps for breath)...rushed over from bloglines to check that you're still alive.

I've just finished *In Cold Blood*.
I think you'll find it far more light hearted than Margaret Atwood or Jim Kerr for that matter.
I appear to have caught your Simple Minds earworm....
Vicus - no, I've got all these posts out of my system this week. I won't be back for a while unless there's an obituary to write because I'm going to be in rehab.

Arabella - it's The Blind Assassin actually, which I'm quite enjoying. Are you meant to like Margaret Atwood or not in fashionable circles? I don't have a clue about literary stuff.

Billy - it took me about six months to work out how to do links on Blogger. I still can't do them on comments with any success.

Kaz - still alive, despite the hay fever and the deep vein thrombosis. I'm a fighter, me. Jim Kerr has provided endless hours (well, minutes) of amusement in our house when we've tried to sing and dance like him.
Doris - preferable to Julian Lennon though, isn't it?

"Everything is posseeeebull!"
At least you have a complete post without becoming Agnes Feltz's latest stalker.

I thought you said "Noooo" to rehab anyway?
I don't know about fashionable, Betty, but I tend to picture Atwood fans (I mean the rabid variety of fan) as wimmin who don't dye their hair. As we both have a love/hate relationship with our roots I guess we don't qualify. Erm, 'Alias Grace' is the last one I remember liking.
what the hell is a Twitter?
ooo, you're brave. the very thought of 'the handmaids' tale' makes my bowels all watery. plus i'd have to touch up my roots.

the fuck is this semi-retirement crapola?????? you can't tell me you don't twirlem like you usedta-could (and you know what post i mean)cos i know that you does.

now hit that keyboard.
Are we talking about Betty's pasties? Yeah, she can really twirl 'em. Don't hang 'em up yet.
I hate to tell you, Betty, but almost all of those posts are too long for Twitter. Which can only mean that you must stick with blogging - it's what the fans want!
Murph - I'm only going into rehab because I'll do anything to be the centre of attention. Most of those rehabiliation centres seem to be in close proximity to pubs, so I'll only have to walk across the road for a bit of respite from the regime.

Arabella - I'm completely in the dark about literature. Just tend to read whatever Geoff got from the leftovers from the editorial dept. where he works or that bookclub he joined for about five minutes. Mind you, I might stop dying my hair. It's time to embrace my inner earthmother - long shapeless flowery skirts, Birkenstocks and cooking vegetarian stews for hours on end. Sounds like fun to me.

Shykitten - it seems to be the latest technology for people who feel the need to keep a record of every thought or action for prosperity. I don't think the people who Twitter know why they're doing it actually.

FN - dunno about brave. I must admit to quite enjoying The Blind Assassin so far - at least the bits where it's narrated by the sarky and very old woman. I'm not hanging up the tassles, but these days it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night.

MJ - can't remember the last time I ate a Cornish pasty, let alone baked one. Can't stand the bits of gristle and toenail you find in them. Ugh. Oh - those pasties? Unless I use a lot of scaffolding these days I'm a danger to small rodents scuttling across the floor.

Patroclus - on Twitter you're limited to 500 characters or something like that. Well, having to count them all up is too much like hard work anyway. Surely there has to be some middle way between blogging and Twittering?
>>Surely there has to be some middle way between blogging and Twittering?<<

I think Tumblr could be what you're looking for...
Patroclus - I think I'm sticking to Blogger. I'm forty three and I can't cope with change at my time of life. If I was to have a different breakfast everyday it would throw me into chaos and panic, let alone having a Twitter account, a Tumblr account, a Flickr account or a Del.ic.I.o.Us (or whatever it's called) account.
Oh no - I'm actually IN bed with Jim Kerr singing 'come in come out of the rain' and something about 'on the waterfront' Nooooooooooooooooo - I might as well stay up all night now as that has given me instant insomnia. Nevertheless I shall inevitably fall asleep at some ungodly hour and wake up looking pinched and white - just like Jim Kerr.

PS: I have just been twittering and yes - you can link. I love it. Sort of.
Oh dear - I meant I'm in bed with Jim Kerr singing in my head - not Jim Kerr actually in bed - with me! I'm much too good for him.
Rockmother - well, I woke up with the usual "someone has put my head into a vice" hangover with blood coming out of my nose. Nice! Didn't even spend a night on the tiles with Jim Kerr to get like that either. Actually, I lerved Simple Minds when they were pompous Bowie and Roxy soundalikes, but not when they became a pompous stadium rock band.
Then again, I like any old rubbish from the early '80's. As for Twitter, if I started that I really wouldn't have time for even the most basic life ... putting the rubbish out ... eating breakfast ... sleeping ...
I liked the tune to that Julian Lennon song with the line "sitting on a pebble by the river playing guitar." I didn't think too much of Too Late For Goodbye. I don't know that he ever did much after that, at least nothing that floated across the Atlantic. Last I heard of him, he wanted to be called "Hoolian" and apparently he was serious! I think he has a few loose screws.
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