Thursday, February 10, 2011
ORANGE JUICE JONES
As rumours emerge that Julian Assange could end up in Guantanamo Bay I feel that it is only right that I offer up advice to him from no less than Hollywood's Prince Paulo, self styled "Queen Of The Fashion Bloggers".
OMG! Fashion Disaster Tornado approaching! Julian girl ima have WORDS with you! Orange? Orange? ORANGE???
Okay, burnt orange boiler suits look tooooo cute on those Middle Eastern guys with their dreamy olive complexions and sloe gin eyes and sooty cheek sweeping lashes but you? You're on death row before you're even in the dock honey.
There is no way that a deathly pale high beige blond can carry off such an out there color.
Julian, I'm sure you're like "OMG! FML! WTF!" and I can fully understand.
There is only one way out of this.
If the worst comes to the worst, you are going to have to do some serious talking to your team so that they can strike a deal behind the scenes.
Then you could get a lucky break and end up spending the rest of your days in a dove gray boiler suit or, if we're REEEALLLY lucky, Rick Owens leathers!
Bon voyage baby!!!
OMG! Fashion Disaster Tornado approaching! Julian girl ima have WORDS with you! Orange? Orange? ORANGE???
Okay, burnt orange boiler suits look tooooo cute on those Middle Eastern guys with their dreamy olive complexions and sloe gin eyes and sooty cheek sweeping lashes but you? You're on death row before you're even in the dock honey.
There is no way that a deathly pale high beige blond can carry off such an out there color.
Julian, I'm sure you're like "OMG! FML! WTF!" and I can fully understand.
There is only one way out of this.
If the worst comes to the worst, you are going to have to do some serious talking to your team so that they can strike a deal behind the scenes.
Then you could get a lucky break and end up spending the rest of your days in a dove gray boiler suit or, if we're REEEALLLY lucky, Rick Owens leathers!
Bon voyage baby!!!
Labels: deathly pallor, fashion, Guantanamo Bay, Hollywood, Julian Assange, Rick Owens
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
LOVE ZOMBIES
Amaaaaaazing, inspirational, stunningly beautiful etc., etc., etc.
It seems that we are in the midst of International Fashion Month, or whatever the fick it is called nowadays. It seems to go on for years.
Each day you'll open a newspaper or scan the internet and you'll be confronted by endless articles debating whether or not London/New York/Paris/Milan is THE fashion capital or who is going to *save* the fashion industry. They are all written in a rather po-faced style which is even more serious than the real news stories
Oh, and you'll also be confronted by loads of front row shots of Anna "Newkiller" Wintour, minor pop stars and troll faced *It* girls.
Troll faced *It" girls seem to be walking on the catwalk, having elbowed models out of their jobs because, no doubt, *It* girls have oodles of personality.
Fashionistas will say things like this about *It* girls:
"OooOOOOOOooh, she is an amaaaaAAAAAazing person. Do you know, she turned up at the Westwood after party in, like, a vintage Balmain gown and OXFORD SHOES????????? What kind of extraordinary mind could even conceive of doing something so OFF the WALL? I know she is three foot tall and has a face like a bucket of frogspawn, but she is so INSPIRATIONAL that, like, we HAD to put her on the catwalk!!!!!!!!!!!"
Apart from the fact that you have to endure looking at pictures of Kelly Osbourne, Peaches Geldorrrrfff, Pixie Geldorrffff, Mopsa Geldorrrrffff, Moo Cow Geldorrrrffff and Alice Delllallllllallllllalllllalllial, fashion shows themselves look as if they are as boring as fuck.
Droning canned music plays while endless queues of knobbly kneed, ashen faced seven foot aliens with wide screen cheekbones and sunken zombie eyes saunter aimlessly down the catwalk wearing grey sacks. Each show seems to last for about five hours.
If anyone can explain the appeal, please feel free to do so ...
Labels: fashion, idiiots, It girls, Kelly Osbourne, the Geldorrrrffff sisters, zombies
