Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Amaaaaaazing, inspirational, stunningly beautiful etc., etc., etc.

It seems that we are in the midst of International Fashion Month, or whatever the fick it is called nowadays. It seems to go on for years.

Each day you'll open a newspaper or scan the internet and you'll be confronted by endless articles debating whether or not London/New York/Paris/Milan is THE fashion capital or who is going to *save* the fashion industry. They are all written in a rather po-faced style which is even more serious than the real news stories

Oh, and you'll also be confronted by loads of front row shots of Anna "Newkiller" Wintour, minor pop stars and troll faced *It* girls.

Troll faced *It" girls seem to be walking on the catwalk, having elbowed models out of their jobs because, no doubt, *It* girls have oodles of personality.

Fashionistas will say things like this about *It* girls:

"OooOOOOOOooh, she is an amaaaaAAAAAazing person. Do you know, she turned up at the Westwood after party in, like, a vintage Balmain gown and OXFORD SHOES????????? What kind of extraordinary mind could even conceive of doing something so OFF the WALL? I know she is three foot tall and has a face like a bucket of frogspawn, but she is so INSPIRATIONAL that, like, we HAD to put her on the catwalk!!!!!!!!!!!"

Apart from the fact that you have to endure looking at pictures of Kelly Osbourne, Peaches Geldorrrrfff, Pixie Geldorrffff, Mopsa Geldorrrrffff, Moo Cow Geldorrrrffff and Alice Delllallllllallllllalllllalllial, fashion shows themselves look as if they are as boring as fuck.

Droning canned music plays while endless queues of knobbly kneed, ashen faced seven foot aliens with wide screen cheekbones and sunken zombie eyes saunter aimlessly down the catwalk wearing grey sacks. Each show seems to last for about five hours.

If anyone can explain the appeal, please feel free to do so ...

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Don't forget Coco Sumner Betty - sprog of Gordon.
She's the new face of Burberry and she did it all on her own merits after working down t'pit for her gap year.
good lord I hadn't realised I'd been missing something, where is this going on?
I swear I will slap the next mini celeb who uses this word.
I'd give that Agyness Sharples one.

Cracking bird in a slightly heroin chic kinda way.
I watch runway shows for the same reason I watch beauty pageants--I'm hoping someone slips and falls! And if we're lucky, the others walk over them like roadkill! And hopefully, we get a wardrobe malfunction as a bonus!

But sometimes, the real freaks are the people sitting next to the catwalk--it's like watching a carnival side show!
Rog - hurry up man, we haven't got all day.

Kaz - too true. Simon Le Bon's daughter is also a *model*, surprise surprise. Haven't seen her, but I hope she has her mother's looks if she's going to make a career of it ...

Ziggi - on another planet populated by unsightly freaks ( and no, I don't mean Bexleyheath).

Scarlet - oh, that bloody word. The worst culprit is Edith Bowman who has nothing to do with the fashion industry. She has some OCD-related need to use the word amaaaAAAAzing a dozen times in every sentence. AmaaaAAAz .... ARRRGGG.

Garfer - actually, I don't mind Agyness (or Angus Dean as I prefer to call her). She is actually from a fairly ordinary background which makes her less of a shitbag than the Geldofs, Alexa Chung or Kelly Osbourne to someone who is as shallow as I am.

Eroswings - the problem is that catwalk shows seem to go on for ever (as far as I can tell, anyway!). Granted, there are opportunities for the models to fall over, what with the continuing popularity of ten inch high orthopaedic shoes, but I'd rather just see the humiliating pictures. Agreed about most of the people sitting in the front rows though. They all look so serious as well, which makes them seem even more ridiculous.
Remember when we used to make things, like....oh....cars, aeroplanes, ships and stuff?

Now our principal export is the image rights to Brooklyn Beckham's metatarsal.

Time to die.
What is the new black this season?
He's Spartacus - people don't need cars, aeroplanes and ships anymore. Soon we'll become amorphous blobs who sit in front of our laptops worrying about Peter Andre's music career or rejoicing about Kelly Osbourne's dramatic weight loss. These are the things that dreams are made of.

MJ - grey is still the new black. Invest in some stupid shoulder pads that are as big as kitchen sinks. Shave your eyebrows and look gormless and open mouthed. These are the key season trends. I hope this helps.
"A face like a bucket of frogspawn" - just what I look for in a woman.
I've always been baffled that uber-ghey MEN control the fashion industry? One would think that the feminist movement would have taken control of the image industry long ago?

As for the celebrity offspring being thrust upon us..that was unavoidable. After modelling and fronting a alt-screamo band, these kids inevitably make it to a Reality-Rehab show where they fine tune their self absorption so that we can all gasp and say that f*cking little brat.

Then these "poor-little rich kids" make it to the where-are-they-now shows all before they are 25!
It's almost enough to make one yearn for the good old days when we had to get our schadenfreude from gawking at the inbred antics of the Royals?
Are you hiding from someone, Betty love?
being an absolute fashion slave I shaved my eyebrows off but it's not very easy to see where I am going. And I can't get the hang of the ten inch shoes so I will have to stay in until next season.
Is everything alright..are you out Twittering with Celebs or rescuing cartoon pigs on Facebook's FarmVille?

Shall I send someone 'round to collect you?
Donn - nobody admits to being a feminist these days. The sort of women who are in the fashion industry seem to hate other women, so ... The problem with celebrity offspring is that they're in the spotlight from such an early age and therefore will be in the public eye for years and years to come, becoming ever more obnoxious and annoying.

He's Spartacus - I'm hiding from my natural enthusiasm for life :(

Rosie - Shaving off your eyebrows could be hazardous if you live in a desert. Still, by next season the shaggy monobrow look will be back as a reaction to the trend. Unfortunately, the ten inch heels have now been replaced by twenty inch heels. We'll all be wearing circus stilts by next summer, apparently.

Donn - I'm sending abusive tweets to celebs and planning a retreat to a Belgian monastery.
Just checking if this avatar actually works on here.
September 23rd eh?
Twitter got y'er tongue?
Donn - I'm pretty much "over" blogging at the moment. Come to think of it, I'm pretty much "over" Twitter as well. Oh, the internet ... yawn.
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