Wednesday, January 21, 2009
MR SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY
Last night I watched the Brit Awards Launch Party. Well, in truth, I recorded it and fast forwarded through almost all of it.
In fact, it's best to record and fast forward through most of the actual Brit Awards ceremony. Nobody in their right mind wants to see the dull performances and collaborations. The only bits worth bothering with are the acceptance speeches - or, at least, the ones made by anyone who is completely drunk. Of course, last year's highlight was the Arctic Monkeys' pie eyed non-speech as the Best Album award was handed over by a bemused Vic Reeves and Sharon "Psychotic Nutjob" Osbourne started ranting until her HRT patches fell off. Worthy of Beckett, that was.
Anyway, the one thing I have found out is that the nominees are as follows:
BEST BRITISH BAND:
The Cure
The Alarm
Def Leppard
Duran Duran
BEST BRITISH LAYDEEEE:
Annie Lennox
Linda Lewis
Sade
Toyah Wilcox
BEST BRITISH MAN:
David A. Stewart
Eric Clapton
Belouis Some
Nik Kershaw
BEST INTERNATIONAL ACT:
U2
INXS
Men Without Hats
Men At Work
SPECIAL OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING MUSICAL ACHIEVEMENT AND CONTRIBUTION TO CYCLING PROFICIENCY AWARD:
Tommy Steele
Sigh ... same as it ever was, eh? Still, at least there were some surprises in the EXCITING BREAKTHROUGH ACT category, which featured Belouis Some, Matthew Wilder, Beverly Craven and, last but not least, Seasick Dave.
BEST BRITISH LAYDEEEE:
Annie Lennox
Linda Lewis
Sade
Toyah Wilcox
BEST BRITISH MAN:
David A. Stewart
Eric Clapton
Belouis Some
Nik Kershaw
BEST INTERNATIONAL ACT:
U2
INXS
Men Without Hats
Men At Work
SPECIAL OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING MUSICAL ACHIEVEMENT AND CONTRIBUTION TO CYCLING PROFICIENCY AWARD:
Tommy Steele
Sigh ... same as it ever was, eh? Still, at least there were some surprises in the EXCITING BREAKTHROUGH ACT category, which featured Belouis Some, Matthew Wilder, Beverly Craven and, last but not least, Seasick Dave.
Seasick Dave: "over the moon", apparently.
Seventy three year old Dave - a former car park attendant from Lowestoft - has suddenly become the man at the forefront of the Delta blues revival thanks to the continuing support of Joolls Holland. Well done Dave, and fingers crossed from everyone in the Utility Room!
Mind you, the Launch Party managed to provide the Very Worst Scenario In The History Of The World.
Previously, the two worst scenarios in the world were as follows:
1. You're stood in an endless queue in Morrison's supermarket, which is full of parents with screeching two year olds and old women who take about half an hour to pay for a tin of cat food, and you've got awful menstrual cramp, and you feel as though you have got to have a massive dump in approx. two minutes' time.
2. You awake to sunlight streaming through the curtains. Spooned up to you is an apparently lovely man who is kissing your neck. You are in a state of bliss. You turn around, only to find out that he is Rufus Hound.
Rufus fucking Hound - *shudder*
Fearne Cotton (a woman who it is never possible to underestimate) introduced THIS awful, awful, scenario, however. Worse still - IT BECAME REALITY.
"Make sure you join us after the break for a very special acoustic performance from chart topping trio Scouting For Girls".
Not so luverleeee
Labels: Brit Awards, Fearne Cotton, Joolls Holland, Rufus fucking Hound, Scouting For fucking Girls, Seasick Dave, Sharon "Pscyhotic Nutjob" Osbourne
Friday, July 25, 2008
DESPERATE BUT NOT SERIOUS
Here's a running commentary from the recent BBC3 coverage of the first annual At One With Oneness Festival which took place last weekend just outside Grimsby.
Even though there have already been 96573 music festivals in Britain this summer, the At One With Oneness Festival is, say organisers, "a completely new and exciting concept".
The BBC cameras captured the highlights over the weekend. On hand were Radio One's Edith Bowman ...
Edith: muddy but amazing
... and Radio One's Zane Lowe (aka Zip Love, aka the New Zealand B-Boy, stop larffing at the back).
Zane interviews somebody or other on site, fuck knows who.
The camera cuts back to the studio, which is done out in the style of a barn, with haystacks and a zany papier mache cow. There has just been an OB featuring Rufus Hound interviewing the Moving Cardboard Theatre Co., who are dressed up as egg cartons.
Zane: "Thanks Rufus! Edith, I believe you've been having a bit of a walkabout and took in a few bands earlier today. Who've you seen?"
Edith: "Well, I went to see The Fratellis on the Hope And Serenity Stage."
Zane: "How were they?"
Edith: "What can I say? They were just ... amazing ... incredible. Then I moved on to the Recycled Pigeon Shit Stage halfway through Groove Armada's set."
Zane: "What were they like?"
Edith: "Oh, they were incredible, just amazing. The atmosphere was just amazing. I was amazed. After that I felt like I needed to, y'know, chill out a little bit so I went to the Acoustic Smugness Tent and saw Duffy doing a low key set."
Zane: "What was that like? A lot of people would say that people like Duffy don't belong at festivals ..."
Edith: "That's just ridiculous - she was amazing. That girl can sing! She was amazing. Anyway, I've been told that you've been hanging out at the Post Ironic Stage!"
Zane: "Ahem. This is true."
Edith: "And a little bird told me that you saw ... Engelbert Humperdinck! Wow! Amazing! What was he like???"
Zane: "I tell you man ... when he took to the stage I had my doubts. Does someone like Engelbert belong at a festival? But after a couple of numbers he rubbed into Please Release Me and I tell you, the crowd went crazy and he JUST KILLED IT! What can I say, the dude's a legend!"
Engelbert: killed it
Edith: "Amazing! Wow, who would've thought it! Anyway, now we're going over to three hours of highlights from The Editors' set because the singer knocked me up ... but they were just amazing."
Even though there have already been 96573 music festivals in Britain this summer, the At One With Oneness Festival is, say organisers, "a completely new and exciting concept".
The BBC cameras captured the highlights over the weekend. On hand were Radio One's Edith Bowman ...
Edith: muddy but amazing
... and Radio One's Zane Lowe (aka Zip Love, aka the New Zealand B-Boy, stop larffing at the back).
Zane interviews somebody or other on site, fuck knows who.
The camera cuts back to the studio, which is done out in the style of a barn, with haystacks and a zany papier mache cow. There has just been an OB featuring Rufus Hound interviewing the Moving Cardboard Theatre Co., who are dressed up as egg cartons.
Zane: "Thanks Rufus! Edith, I believe you've been having a bit of a walkabout and took in a few bands earlier today. Who've you seen?"
Edith: "Well, I went to see The Fratellis on the Hope And Serenity Stage."
Zane: "How were they?"
Edith: "What can I say? They were just ... amazing ... incredible. Then I moved on to the Recycled Pigeon Shit Stage halfway through Groove Armada's set."
Zane: "What were they like?"
Edith: "Oh, they were incredible, just amazing. The atmosphere was just amazing. I was amazed. After that I felt like I needed to, y'know, chill out a little bit so I went to the Acoustic Smugness Tent and saw Duffy doing a low key set."
Zane: "What was that like? A lot of people would say that people like Duffy don't belong at festivals ..."
Edith: "That's just ridiculous - she was amazing. That girl can sing! She was amazing. Anyway, I've been told that you've been hanging out at the Post Ironic Stage!"
Zane: "Ahem. This is true."
Edith: "And a little bird told me that you saw ... Engelbert Humperdinck! Wow! Amazing! What was he like???"
Zane: "I tell you man ... when he took to the stage I had my doubts. Does someone like Engelbert belong at a festival? But after a couple of numbers he rubbed into Please Release Me and I tell you, the crowd went crazy and he JUST KILLED IT! What can I say, the dude's a legend!"
Engelbert: killed it
Edith: "Amazing! Wow, who would've thought it! Anyway, now we're going over to three hours of highlights from The Editors' set because the singer knocked me up ... but they were just amazing."
Labels: amazingness of everything, Edith Bowman, Engelbert Humperdinck - dude, Groove Armada, mud, Rufus fucking Hound, The Fratellis, Zane Lowe - B Boy
