Thursday, October 30, 2008
"QUE?"
Confusion, chaos and agony is raging through Britain at the news that the BBC hasn't sacked anybody over the Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross business for a whole FORTY FIVE MINUTES.
The outrage has further been compelled by the fact that Jonathan Ross has been suspended without pay from the BBC for only TWELVE WEEKS.
Hah! The corrupt, vile Ross won't feel any loss from that will he - twelve weeks' pay??? That would only be enough to buy the vile Ross one of his infamous suits! One less suit in the Ross wardrobe - think about it! Hardly going to cause him any sort of pain or suffering, is it?
The outrage has been described as the most controversial incident involving a British media figure since John Lennon suggested that The Beatles were bigger than Jesus, or the time that Lance Percival implied that John Profumo had "a wandering willy" during a topical calypso on the outrageous 1960's satire show That Was The Week That Was.
Rabid Daily Mail readers have announced that they have organised a protest march which will take place in London and will end in a demonstration outside the BBC Television Centre. An estimated crowd of half a million Mail readers will wail and beat their chests like elderly peasant women at a funeral. They will rub hot ashes all over themselves. A pair of twenty foot papier mache effigies of Ross and Brand will be burned as people chant "skin the bastards".
There has been criticism from a rival group of Sun reading Ross/Brand haters, who say that the demo could cause confusion, what with the effigy burning. Some passers by may think that this is a part of Bonfire Night or Hallowe'en celebrations, and the power of the message will be lost, in the Sun readers' opinion.
An emergency BBC online questionnaire has been set up to determine exactly who should be sacked or suspended from shows next so that the BBC can be seen to "be doing the right thing" and to be answerable to its "customers". So far, the most popular choices to be given the boot are Jo Brand (because she has the same surname as Russell Brand), Sir Bill Cotton (deceased), newsreader Huw Edwards, disc jockeys Edith Bowman, Rob "Da" Bank and Sir Terry Wogan, and weatherman Daniel Corbett.
Labels: BBC, Jonathan Ross, Lance Percival, Russell Brand, Sir Bill Cotton
