Sunday, June 26, 2011


Bono before his weekly address

On Friday night, U2's performance at Glastonbury was considered a triumph - proof indeed that many a good tune is played on an old fiddle.

Zane Lowe: half dead and killin' it

They were so life-enhancingly great that BBC continuity man Zane Lowe had to be treated by paramedics for what a spokesman calls "getting too over enthusiastic too soon in the weekend, even before Tame Impala were due to play". His colleague Jo Whiley immediately became pregnant for the eleventh time.

Jo Whiley: fertile

So it is with delight that I'm able to pass on a message from U2 frontman Bono. Now safe in his tax avoidance retreat - a turreted castle halfway up a Swiss alp - he delivered these Biblical lines:

"Deep within the primordial rock 'n' roll swamp the shadows move, acting out their shadowplay. Clarence Frogman Henry walks on water but croaks his last ... Jack Kerouac gets high on life and bangs to the beat of a different generation, on the road with Neal Cassady and the Sundance Kid. Elvis had his kiss curls and his lip curls and his hip swirls, sending the girls into raptures. Take a tour to the store, don't strain your brain.

The Pope speaks to me on Skype. He says "Hi Bono, what's happening on Planet Worthy Farm? Here am I, sitting in the Vatican, far above the moon. Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do".

Ian Curtis' arms wave in space semaphore signals. He's telling us ... he's telling us that the world has torn us apart again.

There's nothing we can do but orbit in our own space.

See yer!

Lots of love,
Bono xxx

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The bloke in the pink T shirt, with the eye liner was Jo Whiley?
Arabella - that bloke nearly caused Twitter to break down yesterday.
Yeah. Shades. In the dark. Get a life, Bono.

As for the hat. You're bald,Edge. Get over it.
Thing is ... I can't tell if he really said that or if you are making it up. That's how much of a turd he is.
I thought the U2 performance dull and plodding, but maybe that's just me. What was the deal with all the half-baked slogans flashing up behind Larry Mullen?
I was in Montreal recently and passing by the hotel where they were staying.

A woman stepped out of their hotel and into a waiting cab with much security around her.

I like to think it was one of their hookers.
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