Wednesday, December 12, 2007
SOFT SOAP
Today's guest post comes courtesy of recent Coronation Street returnee Jim McDonald, who the vast majority of readers won't know because they don't own a television set. Still, you can't cater for all tastes, can you?Take it away, Jim.
"What about ye? I'm just back out of the Big House, so I am. Let me tell ye, I'm a changed man, so I am.
When I went in the Big House, I'd been acting buck crazy, so I had. I'd never really grown out of the army way of thinking, and it used to cause ructions with My Elizabeth, so it did. She had had enough of me acting the Big I am, so she had, and fair play.
Still, being in the Big House allows you to take stock, so it does. I think I've changed. I tell ye, getting out of the Big House has been a surprise, so it has. Yer man Steve has offered me a job, so he has, valeting cars. I'm working for my own son! Jeez ... "catch yerself on!" I thought, "it only seems like yesterday that yer man was a wee boy along with our Andy, running rings around me and Elizabeth and acting buck stupid. Now Steve has a wee girl of his own.
I think I've calmed down. My Elizabeth has taken up with another man since I went into the Big House, so she has, and by all accounts yer man is a complete idjeet, buck stupid, so he is. Now, a few years ago, I would've gone steaming in there and beaten him to a pulp. These days though, I've knocked the booze on the head and I'm a lot calmer and more focused. I'm going to bide my time and see how My Elizabeth feels in a few months, so I am.
I owe it to myself to make a go of living and stay out of the Big House. What's more, I owe it to My Elizabeth, Steve, and that wee girl of his.
Fair play."
Labels: does anyone from Norrn Irrrn actually talk like this?
