Wednesday, May 23, 2007
MEMBERS ONLY
I'm doing an exhaustive study of the different blogging cliques that have formed during the past few years. Now that everyone in the world has seven blogs, we can safely assume that a revolution has taken place, so it's time to start putting everything into categories.
Here are a few that I've invented ... um ... observed in their natural habitat.
Dr Who bloggers.
Green Wing bloggers.
A list bloggers. All know each other, and haven't updated their blogroll since 2003 because "frankly, everyone who was anyone had already started blogging by then daahhling".
Cynical fiftysomething ex-hippy bloggers. "Dropping acid at the Isle Of Wight festival was a gas, man, and the war in Iraq is some heavy shit. I'm earning 90 grand now, but I'm being subversive from within the machine, right?"
Cyber ex-philosophy student bloggers. Have been lurking on these blogs in awe since before I was a blogger, actually, and not quite understanding the stuff about Ballard and hauntology.
West country bloggers. Crossover with previous category. Have been lurking in awe, etc., and not quite understanding the stuff about Psychic TV.
East Angular bloggers. No particular shared characteristics, but, as I've said before, 98 per cent of the population of East Angular blogs.
Canadian bloggers. There are only ten people who live in Canada, and they all live two thousand miles apart from each other. Therefore, they blog because there's nothing else to do.
American bloggers who leave mystifying comments about obscure 1950's senators on your site, and you don't know how to reply to them because you're completely in the dark.
Sexy thirtysomething media whore bloggers who work hard, play hard, live life in a booze and coke haze and shag everything that moves at the weekend.
London pub rock bloggers.
Bloomsbury Set "creative writing" bloggers. Typical comment response: "What can I say? Just beautiful. Astonishing writing. I'm going to nominate you for Post Of The Week. Again."
Stressed out bloggers who work in the public sector and are very disillusioned with their jobs and what's happening in the workplace.
Earnest political bloggers.
People who have a blog which runs alongside and puffs up their rubbish *fiction* blog ... which they hope to flog to a publisher. *beats head against wall*
Ranting bloggers.
Mommy bloggers. "Hey, I did some baking for the chapel's fundraising fayre at the weekend :-) You wanna see some pictures of the seventy cakes I baked?????? And have all the recipes??????????? Right, here goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sanctimonious parent bloggers. "Poppy is an unusually bright, beautiful, deep, observant and sensitive three year old. I'm worried that she's not being stretched at her sixteenth century Italian poetry class. The other children are a few years older than her and some of them are rather rough. Gosh, being a parent is extremely difficult at times, isn't it?"
Anyway, obviously some of these categories overlap and this is nowhere near the definitive list. In years to come, I hope to compile a field study of bloggers, rather like that bloke with the long chin and pointy beard who kept an archive of the different folk musics of America.
Or something like the Ladybird Book Of Garden And Heathland Birds, at least.
If you feel that you belong to a category that I haven't mentioned, or are aware of a blogging cllique that I've missed out, do let me know.
Here are a few that I've invented ... um ... observed in their natural habitat.
Dr Who bloggers.
Green Wing bloggers.
A list bloggers. All know each other, and haven't updated their blogroll since 2003 because "frankly, everyone who was anyone had already started blogging by then daahhling".
Cynical fiftysomething ex-hippy bloggers. "Dropping acid at the Isle Of Wight festival was a gas, man, and the war in Iraq is some heavy shit. I'm earning 90 grand now, but I'm being subversive from within the machine, right?"
Cyber ex-philosophy student bloggers. Have been lurking on these blogs in awe since before I was a blogger, actually, and not quite understanding the stuff about Ballard and hauntology.
West country bloggers. Crossover with previous category. Have been lurking in awe, etc., and not quite understanding the stuff about Psychic TV.
East Angular bloggers. No particular shared characteristics, but, as I've said before, 98 per cent of the population of East Angular blogs.
Canadian bloggers. There are only ten people who live in Canada, and they all live two thousand miles apart from each other. Therefore, they blog because there's nothing else to do.
American bloggers who leave mystifying comments about obscure 1950's senators on your site, and you don't know how to reply to them because you're completely in the dark.
Sexy thirtysomething media whore bloggers who work hard, play hard, live life in a booze and coke haze and shag everything that moves at the weekend.
London pub rock bloggers.
Bloomsbury Set "creative writing" bloggers. Typical comment response: "What can I say? Just beautiful. Astonishing writing. I'm going to nominate you for Post Of The Week. Again."
Stressed out bloggers who work in the public sector and are very disillusioned with their jobs and what's happening in the workplace.
Earnest political bloggers.
People who have a blog which runs alongside and puffs up their rubbish *fiction* blog ... which they hope to flog to a publisher. *beats head against wall*
Ranting bloggers.
Mommy bloggers. "Hey, I did some baking for the chapel's fundraising fayre at the weekend :-) You wanna see some pictures of the seventy cakes I baked?????? And have all the recipes??????????? Right, here goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sanctimonious parent bloggers. "Poppy is an unusually bright, beautiful, deep, observant and sensitive three year old. I'm worried that she's not being stretched at her sixteenth century Italian poetry class. The other children are a few years older than her and some of them are rather rough. Gosh, being a parent is extremely difficult at times, isn't it?"
Anyway, obviously some of these categories overlap and this is nowhere near the definitive list. In years to come, I hope to compile a field study of bloggers, rather like that bloke with the long chin and pointy beard who kept an archive of the different folk musics of America.
Or something like the Ladybird Book Of Garden And Heathland Birds, at least.
If you feel that you belong to a category that I haven't mentioned, or are aware of a blogging cllique that I've missed out, do let me know.
Labels: Agnetha Faltskog's weird stalker, bloggers, heathland birds
