Friday, May 02, 2008
THIS IS ANFIELD
In the wake of Liverpool FC's defeat by Chelsea in the Champions League semi-final, news emerges today of a soon to be released charity single.
Willy Russell: boo hoo hoo
Alan Bleasdale: boo hoo hoo
Jimmy McGovern: boo hoo hoo
Speaking today, in between bouts of tearfulness, Alan Bleasdale said the following:
Still reeling from the tragedy of the defeat, stars from Liverpool have pulled together in typical heroic Scouse fashion to provide vocals for the single. It promises to be a completely ghastly, acoustic version of Ferry 'Cross The Mersey. All proceeds for the single will go to the Emergency Liverpool As Victim Relief Fund.
Appearing on the single will be a host of local heroes and heroines. Already confirmed are Atomic Kitten, Gerry "'Cross The Mersey" Marsden, that bloke with the terrible mullet from China Crisis, Margi Clarke, Roger McGough, Barry Grant (formerly of Brookside), Sinbad (one time Sinbad Off Brookside, now Sinbad Off Coronation Street With That Kebab Shop), Peter Hooton from The Farm, Carla Fucking Fucking Lane, Phil Redmond, and possibly some other professional Scousers.
The biggest coup is the appearance of The Three Crying, Sensitive, Beardy, Liverpool Dramatists - Willie Russell, Alan Bleasdale and Jimmy McGovern.
Willy Russell: boo hoo hoo
Alan Bleasdale: boo hoo hoo
Jimmy McGovern: boo hoo hoo
Speaking today, in between bouts of tearfulness, Alan Bleasdale said the following:
"This is the thing about the great people of Liverpool. During times of crisis, we always pull together. Even Evertonians I've spoken to have told me how much they're behind this project ..."
(breaks off for several minutes of crying)
"... the courage of these people. Despite the atrocious bias of the referee in this game, and the stupid penalty decision, and the evil blight of the Mafiosi stooge Lampard, and the complete tragedy of the result, the population of Liverpool has been resilient. We've had to be, over the thirty thousand years of our proud history. Liverpool has always been a victim of the cruel, southern biased British empire, but we've always held our own, between the tears and the suffering"
(starts sobbing again).
Anyway, the single will be made available online at the start of next week and will cost £5.00 to download. All proceeds from the sale will go towards starting up a Beardy Liverpool Playwrights Workshop, so that the ordinary people of Liverpool will be able to get into theatre as a way of expressing their pain. Oh, and a free box of tissues will be donated to every household in Liverpool so that the entire city's population can sit down and have a good cry.
They don't care what your name is boy - they'll never turn you away.
They don't care what your name is boy - they'll never turn you away.
Labels: beardy Liverpool playwrights, Ferry Across The Mersey, Gerry Across The Mersey, Peter Hooton, professional Scousers
