Thursday, February 12, 2009
ERECTION SECTION
In more LOCAL news, it's been announced that 2 million quids are going to be spent on a 50 foot statue of a white horse at Ebsfleet station.
A white horse, yesterday
Television news reports demonstrated what the horse would look like by showing us a small, scaled down version, just so we could all make cheap remarks about the small, scaled down version of Stone Henge that appeared on Spinal Tap.
I can only hazard a guess that the horse is a the modern equivalent of the chalk horses that you see on the sides of hills in Britain.
In a similar vein, it has been announced that a 90 foot statue of a man with an enormous hard on wielding a club will be *erected* on top of the dark, satanic cliffs overlooking Bluewater shopping centre ...
Look out missus, 'ere comes a big 'un
... and a 250 foot statue of Julian Cope (thankfully, without a hard on) will be overlooking Welling Railway Station.
Droolian
Labels: Bluewater, giant men with hard ons, giant white horses, Julian Cope, local issues, Spinal Tap
Thursday, November 29, 2007
NEVER IN A MONTH OF ...
In the 1980's John Peel used to champion a band called Serious Drinking. One of their songs was Countdown To Bilko. The lyrics seemed to be based around the fact that Sundays were crap. There was nothing to do and you would be bored silly until Bilko was on BBC2 in the early evening (I think Bilko was on BBC2 on Sunday evenings for about half a century).
Still, that was the 1980's for you. As I've said on a previous post about, er, a year ago, older generations were lucky by comparison. A Sunday morning at church would be followed by a cycle home through muddy country lanes, then you'd get a sound thrashing from father and everyone would gather around the wireless to listen to The Larkins, The Navy Lark, Wot Larks Pip and Round The 'Orn (Bona Fide Bona Bona Drag Racing) With Kenneth Williams, Kenneth Connor and Kenneth "Ooh, Get The Sturdy Knees In That Kilt!" McKellar.
Nowadays, Sundays are also much more exciting because the twenty four hour lifestyle means that even the most sleepy hamlet has a Starbucks and an opium den on every corner to while away the day before the seven hour commute into London.
If there isn't enough to entertain you in your home town, then you must drive off to join the nearest fifteen mile long traffic tailback to a designer retail outlet or out of town *shopping and leisure experience*.
If that isn't enough to entertain you, perhaps you feel that your life is an empty consumerist race. Maybe it is time for you to become a modern Christian. Why not spend Sunday mornings among acne riddled dungaree clad sorts clapping along to "enlightened" vicars in '80's style black denim jackets and paisley shirts playing modern hymns on the acoustic guitar?
If there isn't enough to entertain you in your home town, then you must drive off to join the nearest fifteen mile long traffic tailback to a designer retail outlet or out of town *shopping and leisure experience*.
If that isn't enough to entertain you, perhaps you feel that your life is an empty consumerist race. Maybe it is time for you to become a modern Christian. Why not spend Sunday mornings among acne riddled dungaree clad sorts clapping along to "enlightened" vicars in '80's style black denim jackets and paisley shirts playing modern hymns on the acoustic guitar?
Sundays: something has been lost; but something has been gained. Although not everybody yearns for what has been lost, or cares. Or, indeed, remembers.
Labels: Bluewater, Bona Drag, Countdown To Bilko, dungarees, Kenneth Williams, modern vicars, opium dens, Serious Drinking, Sundays
