Saturday, February 10, 2007
RADIO QUIET FM
Bleedin' heck folks, did you see Ten Years Younger this week?
Well, that excludes any (er, both) non-British readers, so to precis: Ten Years Younger normally gets some poor woman in her mid thirties who has gone through a messy divorce, having been left with three kids and a terminally ill mother to look after as well as hold down three jobs to go out in the streets where members of the public are asked to suggest how old she is. Unsurprisingly, they usually suggest somewhere between forty nine and fifty five. She has committed the ultimate crime of Letting Herself Go and, more often than not, wearing a fleece and trackie bottoms. The poor old bat usually starts crying and saying that she just wants to be the way she used to be.
She's then carted off to have her eyes lifted, her teeth rearranged and to have her hair cut shorter and dyed mahogany "because it'll bring a bit of warmth back to your face". Slightly nervous and highly strung Boer Nicky Hambleton-Jones will inform her that the fleeces have got to go and that "volume is in this season and we can definitely make it work for you because you've got an enormous arse" (not really).
Anyways, this time the show was different because the victim was A BLOKE!
Simon, a thirty five year old DJ, was rocking the Jerry Garcia look ...
... which made him, according to people at a record fair in, I dunno, Balsall Heath, look as if he was in his LATE FORTIES! Some myopic nitwit even suggested he was seventy.
The beard, the long hair, the studenty clothes all had to go, and he was re-made in the image of Modern Stylish Man.
Simon was quite a handsome bloke under all that hair, but unfortunately he agreed to let a cosmetic dentist loose on his yellow tombstone teeth.
They never do things by half measures, do they, cosmetic dentists?
So. He had sky blue veneers which probably glow in the dark.
The effect was a bit too near Mike Smash:
... topped off with the kind of hairdo that drippy singer songwriters called James Summat tend to have.
Poor old Simon. I hope he grows the beard and the hair back and reverts to wearing his old Carhartt gear rather than the "new, thin knit jumpers" and the three foot long shoes which are apparently all the fashion. He lives in the West Midlands after all - who needs to get beaten up every day? At least with his old look hoodies would have been too frightened to have thumped him.
He still has to live with those teeth though. Which means he'll never be taken seriously again as a DJ.
Still, time to bite the bullet Simon, even if it cracks those veneers. You'll have to get a job in hospidle radio.
Y'ain't seen nothin' yet mate.
Well, that excludes any (er, both) non-British readers, so to precis: Ten Years Younger normally gets some poor woman in her mid thirties who has gone through a messy divorce, having been left with three kids and a terminally ill mother to look after as well as hold down three jobs to go out in the streets where members of the public are asked to suggest how old she is. Unsurprisingly, they usually suggest somewhere between forty nine and fifty five. She has committed the ultimate crime of Letting Herself Go and, more often than not, wearing a fleece and trackie bottoms. The poor old bat usually starts crying and saying that she just wants to be the way she used to be.
She's then carted off to have her eyes lifted, her teeth rearranged and to have her hair cut shorter and dyed mahogany "because it'll bring a bit of warmth back to your face". Slightly nervous and highly strung Boer Nicky Hambleton-Jones will inform her that the fleeces have got to go and that "volume is in this season and we can definitely make it work for you because you've got an enormous arse" (not really).
Anyways, this time the show was different because the victim was A BLOKE!
Simon, a thirty five year old DJ, was rocking the Jerry Garcia look ...
... which made him, according to people at a record fair in, I dunno, Balsall Heath, look as if he was in his LATE FORTIES! Some myopic nitwit even suggested he was seventy.
The beard, the long hair, the studenty clothes all had to go, and he was re-made in the image of Modern Stylish Man.
Simon was quite a handsome bloke under all that hair, but unfortunately he agreed to let a cosmetic dentist loose on his yellow tombstone teeth.
They never do things by half measures, do they, cosmetic dentists?
So. He had sky blue veneers which probably glow in the dark.
The effect was a bit too near Mike Smash:
... topped off with the kind of hairdo that drippy singer songwriters called James Summat tend to have.
Poor old Simon. I hope he grows the beard and the hair back and reverts to wearing his old Carhartt gear rather than the "new, thin knit jumpers" and the three foot long shoes which are apparently all the fashion. He lives in the West Midlands after all - who needs to get beaten up every day? At least with his old look hoodies would have been too frightened to have thumped him.
He still has to live with those teeth though. Which means he'll never be taken seriously again as a DJ.
Still, time to bite the bullet Simon, even if it cracks those veneers. You'll have to get a job in hospidle radio.
Y'ain't seen nothin' yet mate.
Labels: BTO, Cherry Garcia, orthodontists, Radio Lollipop, young friends
