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Tuesday, June 02, 2009

MOULDY OLD DOUGH 


The sun has put in its annual all too brief appearance (weather reporters immediately start reassuring us that we have to *make the most of it* because gale force winds and lashing rain are around the corner in, uh, twelve hours' time).

This means that people start to wear less clothes (couldn't care less about this) but also that they start to become more touchy feely, free spirited and "Continental" (whatever the fuck that means).  

I strongly disapprove of British people being touchy feely and free spirited.  Or non-British people, for that matter.  Do I really have to explain why?

One of the aspects of this changed behaviour involves middle aged couples.

Suddenly, they start to hold hands in the street, in broad (sunny) daylight.

Oh come on, stop blethering on about being "young at heart".  Bullshit.  You just look as if you're simple, clueless and need mummy to help you cross the road.  Not very endearing being "young at heart" now, is it?

Ugh, I've seen loads of them out in the past few days - upwards of forty, fifty and even sixty years old.   Even the bloke who lives next door to us and his missus.  Mind you, perhaps they can be excused because he is a *borderline* alcoholic and she is as daft as arseholes.

Right: I never wear skirts shorter than knee length any more because I'm an old bag and don't want to cause mass spontaneous vomiting in public.  Wouldn't it be nice of other people to have some consideration for others and not subject them to their luvv struck second marriage drippiness?

Oh well, as you were.  I'm going outside to get skin cancered.

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Comments:
"Daft as arseholes" possible my new best thing.

Go the whole hog. Take off the sock supporters.
 
Perhaps you need some sort of "summer time rape alarm" for when people get too touchy feel or wear clothes you think are too inappropriate.
 
Every time I see someone over 25 holding hands I want to call the police. I bet Fred & Rose West held hands.
 
Boz - I don't get the sock supporters reference, but, coincidentally, I just seem to have had a site visitor looking for pictures of "ladies with a sprained ankle wearing suspenders". Blimey, the internet does encompass a very varied group of users, doesn't it? I might roll up the sleeves of my overcoat, anyway, as a gesture to All This Weather We've Been Having.

Rog - Fred & Rose West? Exactly! Very touchy feely, especially with, erm, close relatives. Don't trust touchy feely people AT ALL.
 
Do you not hold Geoff's hand then...?
Sx
It's too warm for me out there..
 
I spent yesterday tut-tutting people who don't keep their varicose veins or cellulite or un-pedicured feet under wraps.

Then there was the woman who got on the bus wearing a top that didn't cover her rotund belly and swimsuit bottoms that didn't cover the pubic hair growing southbound down her legs.

And then there is the sound of flip-flops which drives me mad.

My day was ruined, I tell you!
 
Holding hands is bad enough, but when they do it with fingers interlocking...

*shudder*
 
The glorious Summertime splurge of exposed chav belly, builders bum, and men wearing socks and sandals.

I think I'll emigrate.
 
there's something wrong with me isn't there? -I knew it, I never notice these things but then the nearest to over exposure we get here is rolling over the tops of our wellies - I did that today, and I rolled up my jeans exposing 3 inches of shin! I also have to confess that Himself grabs my arm when we cross the road to the pub because I always look the wrong way.
 
Dressing for summer is a nightmare -
roll on winter and jumpers.
Round about August 5th I usually take my socks off and paint my toenails bright red!!!
Then I put my socks back on again.
 
Scarlet - I like warm weather to a degree (must be the Yugloslav coastal side of me, as it were). Isn't Beachy Head still very bracing at this time of year though?

MJ - strange thing is, I don't notice if people are showing more flesh than usual unless it's a really gross display. Besides, when you're on a Med or Canary Islands holiday, you'll be exposed to a lot worse and you can't really walk around shrouded in a monk's habit there yourself either, so ...

Billy - yeah, ukk. Still not as bad as people who make out on public transport, with squelchy mouths and everything.

Garfer - worse than any of these things is the person in front of you in a queue or on public transport who has decided that they *don't need* to use an anti perspirant.

Ziggi- that's the right way to go about things really. Besides, if you're in the countryside if you expose any flesh you'll immediately be bitten by gnats and all sorts of other insect life. Don't think Geoff would notice if I ran into the path of traffic actually.

Kaz - unfortunately I've got painted toenails and have been wearing sandals, but then I do live in The South (i.e., very near The Continent and very warm) rather than The North (where you have to wear an overcoat and flat cap every day of the year).
 
So superbly British, Betty - we get some good weather, and you're brilliantly grumpy about it!

Men in shorts = wrong. Men in shorts and sandals = very wrong. I did both last summer, but then I was in Australia so it doesn't count.

Liking the new sideline blog, BTW.
 
Socks and sandals are permissible in Australia because of the danger of feet being bitten by something that will lead to instant death.

Thanks for the post recommending the Corrie blog (mind you, can't see it attracting many readers. Only about three people on the internet actually watch Coronation Street anymore).
 
I think it's quite sweet seeing fat ugly old bastards being all physical together - shows that love can transcend fat sweatiness.
 
Tom - that's very decent and generous of you. Actually, I can't stand seeing anyone showing physical affection in public - even very good looking people. Ick.
 
I spontaneously retched in public last week when I got caught behind terrible knotted varicose vein leg in crush for tube - gaaahhhh.
 
Romo - hope you haven't seen any pictures of Clint Eastwood's varicose veins. Very distressing.
 
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