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Thursday, May 07, 2009

FEATHER BRAINS 


Jeeez Louise! <3 

This is PART TWO of the stunning exhaustive overview of cinema that I promised many moons ago.

I'm not really up on modern film stars.  They all have names like Ferris Crooks and Tilton McTaylor and I wouldn't recognise them if they were sat on my lap as I'm typing this, now, on the Mac.

However, I do know that there are different *types* of popular modern films.  One of the most popular is the ROM COM.

These films are aimed at women who go on girly nights out to the cinema.

Well, that doesn't appeal to me for starters.  I've never had female friends who are *girly* girls who would want to go on *girly* nights out.  

When someone tells me that they are a *girly* girl I sigh wearily (internally) and immediately decide that they are pointless and not worth knowing.  Life is too short to be understanding about people you know you won't have anything in common with, after all.

Unfortunately, during the course of a lifetime it's often difficult to avoid having to spend time with otherwise sane women who want to have *girly* conversations, i.e., they want to go on and on and on and on about their romantic relationships and the problems therein, or some bloke they fancy and whether or not he is interested in them.

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT OTHER WOMEN'S ROMANTIC PROBLEMS AND HAVE KILLED SEVERAL WOMEN WHO HAVE GONE ON AND ON AND ON IN MINUTE DETAIL OVER AND OVER AGAIN ABOUT THE SAME SUBJECT AND I JUST WANTED THEM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Well, anyway, rom coms are aimed at these sort of women.

One of the ones that was released recently is called He's Just Not That Into You.

This is a summary of the plot of the film.

God, it sounds so shit, doesn't it?  I thought that Drew Barrymore and Scarlett Johansson were fairly decent actresses, from the little I've seen of them.  Times must be tough in Hollywood if they're accepting parts in something with this dire a premise.

Really, the whole plot can be summed up in the title.

If a guy doesn't text, doesn't call you back, tells you to fuck off if you call him yourself, sends you dead fish through the post, puts a bomb under your car, he's not playing hard to get ...

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!!!!!  GET IT?  HELLS BELLS, YOU SHOULD HAVE WORKED THAT OUT BY THE TIME YOU WERE EIGHT, NOT NOW WHEN YOU'RE AN ADULT YOU DELUDED SILLY COW!

I mean, men are simple creatures, nearer to plant life than any living mammal.  Provided they have porn, beer, a few mates that they can see down the pub, football, Playstations and music, they're happy.  Very few of them want to settle down, especially with insipid, self absorbed girly girls who like rom coms.

That's all you need to know.

There will be a concluding part to this trilogy which I hope to post before the decade is out.

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Comments:
I bet you've stopped playing your old "Friends" videos Betty.
 
Argg - what's the point of having Friends videos or DVD's when it's played on repeat over and over and over again on C4, T4, E4, Z4, Alphabetazeta4 for all ernity.

... although I've never actually watched Friends, incredible as it seems.
 
Well Betty, there's this bloke down my road who runs back into his house every time he sees me walking down the street. This means he fancies me doesn't it? Do you think I should ask him out?
Sx
 
Bless you! You are a girl worth knowing. Recently on a trans-Atlantic flight and that film was playing. Of the various choices, My Man chose to watch it. His review: it sucked.
 
porn, beer, a few mates that they can see down the pub, football, Playstations and music

I would add pizza to that list.
 
I am the least girly girl imaginable. Even Bruce Willis is more girly than I am.
However, I just love listening to women go on and on about the problems with their relationships - or any disasters or disappointments for that matter.
It just makes me feel so much better.
I'm a bad person aren't I?
 
Scarlet - there was this bloke who made eye contact with me on a bus in 1984, and his eyes were smouldering and I wonder what would have become I'd made the first move. He only looked at me for a millionth of a second, so was obviously playing hard to get ...

Ellie - hello & welcome. Glad I don't have to sit through films like that, let alone pay for 'em.

MJ - pizza hasn't reached Britain yet. Men are still happy to eat pork pies.

Kaz - oh, I can't stand it when women ask you for advice about relationships, and say things like "he's said that he wants us to just be friends for now, and see how it goes from there - what does he MEAN by that?" when it's bleeding obvious what they mean. AAARRRRGGG! If they tell you about their disastrous love lives though, it's quite entertaining, as you say.
 
I share your views when in a happy stable relationship Betty.

And the insecurities of the bird brain when not, much though I have improved since my wailing 20s.

I do draw the line at sharing too much bedroom detail with anyone though as I feel that is demeaning, and that what happens in the bedroom is a private affair, even if going wrong.

Not sure it any of this makes me a girly girl or not. I would never think of branding myself thus. I'm not a butch lesbian, if that is the alternative. Or even a lipstick one.
 
"I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT OTHER WOMEN'S ROMANTIC PROBLEMS AND HAVE KILLED SEVERAL WOMEN WHO HAVE GONE ON AND ON AND ON IN MINUTE DETAIL OVER AND OVER AGAIN ABOUT THE SAME SUBJECT AND I JUST WANTED THEM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.".....

I saw that film at The Triangle. Agnes Varda, wasn't it?
 
Laura - I dunno, even when I've been single I've always been reluctant to invest too much in the idea of a relationship being the be-all and end-all of life, because it really doesn't make life *perfect* or make problems go away. Maybe I'm just a cynical and hard hearted bitch (Hey! You don't say!). I agree with what you say about having conversations with friends about, er, bedroom matters. For one thing, it's not really showing any respect for the person you're having a relationship with, is it? Women who describe themselves as "girly girls" seem to be implying that they don't want to be seen as unfeminine in case it puts men off! That's my theory, anyway ...

Arabella - ha ha, could well be. Actually I wish there were more feminists still visible in the arts or the media, anywhere in public these days just to re-dress the balance a bit. Mind you, I REALLY DID KILL SEVERAL WOMEN WHO KEPT GOING ON ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS which wasn't very sisterly of me, so I'm a complete hypocrite.
 
I think that chick flicks bring out the schadenfreude in women because they love to see biologically perfect specimans fail miserably for one hour and 45 minutes.
Ha suck it beeyotch!
See how it feels to be average..hurts don't it?
They are always "rescued" during the last 15 minutes of the film by some Hollywood version of the Darwinian Laws governing mankind which ensure that only the most deluded vapid women "get" that mythical guy who is handsome, sensitive AND rich..pffft!

It's the same format as Soap Operas..imagine what your life would be like if every single decision that you made, no matter how mundane, was the absolute worst f*cking idea since the invention of the gun!

And for the record, sometimes we men just want to be held..
after sex.
 
Mott De Ian Hunter - I don't think I've knowingly seen a rom com or chick flick, but it sounds as if they're based on Cinderella. That story casts a long shadow over the idea of what women should be ... so much for feminism, eh? Anyway, I always thought men just turned over, broke wind and fell asleep after sex!
 
I saw that film, in the cinema. Only cause I was forced to at gunpoint by one of my, ahem, girlfriends.It was the longest 6 hours of my life.
 
Annie - poor you. Six long hours translates as three days. Still, actually being in the film might have been worse ... perhaps.
 
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