Saturday, January 17, 2009
THANK YEW PLEASE
I'm not saying my mother in law is daft ...
Etc., etc.
Geoff attended the funeral of a former work colleague this week. When we visited his mum he told her that it had been a humanist service.
"Oh, that's nice, I've heard of those," the MIL said.
A few minutes later, Geoff's step dad came into the room.
"Geoff went to that funeral today," the MIL informed him. "It was one of those humourist services."
Yeah, I can imagine what those humourist services are like ...
"Oh, that's nice, I've heard of those," the MIL said.
A few minutes later, Geoff's step dad came into the room.
"Geoff went to that funeral today," the MIL informed him. "It was one of those humourist services."
Yeah, I can imagine what those humourist services are like ...
Vicar: "A few of you may know that the deceased died while on holiday in the Caribbean."
(feeder line from someone in front row of congregation) - "Jamaica?"
Vicar: "No, she went of her own accord."
Vicar: "I'm not saying that the deceased was on the large side, but the coffin was made by Harland And Wolff."
(feeder line from someone in front row of congregation) - "I'm sorry to hear about the death, what was the complaint?"
Vicar: "I'm not saying that the deceased was on the large side, but the coffin was made by Harland And Wolff."
(feeder line from someone in front row of congregation) - "I'm sorry to hear about the death, what was the complaint?"
Vicar - "We haven't had any yet."
Etc., etc.
Labels: awful jokes, Bernard Manning, humanist funeral services, humourist funeral services, Wheeltappers And Shunters Social Club
Comments:
Like the idea in prinicple but at my funeral I'd rather the real humour was left for the wake, much though I enjoyed your posting Betty.
I'm not saying my brother is daft, but I did wonder what he meant when he told me not to worry that my mom was going in for her anagram.
Turns out her mammogram did reveal a sneaky lump.
Turns out her mammogram did reveal a sneaky lump.
Scarlet - anything is preferable to a humour-less funeral.
Laura - I should imagine people will be laughing and cheering at my funeral. Well - if anyone bothers to attend, that is.
Tim - something very similar happened at my dad's funeral (well, the hearse conked out. I thought it was funny, although I probably shouldn't admit it).
Clarissa - I'd have a problem with words in that situation too (I have a problem with words full stop).
Scarlet - I think Vicus may be a Mrs Miller "fan" too. Yeah, you can play it for Geoff. She sounds like him when he sings.
MJ - I've been to some unintentionally funny funerals in my time. Mind you, I have a sick sense of humour.
Billy - exactly. I quite like the idea of the vicar wearing a frilly shirt, velvet suit and outsized bow tie as well.
Laura - I should imagine people will be laughing and cheering at my funeral. Well - if anyone bothers to attend, that is.
Tim - something very similar happened at my dad's funeral (well, the hearse conked out. I thought it was funny, although I probably shouldn't admit it).
Clarissa - I'd have a problem with words in that situation too (I have a problem with words full stop).
Scarlet - I think Vicus may be a Mrs Miller "fan" too. Yeah, you can play it for Geoff. She sounds like him when he sings.
MJ - I've been to some unintentionally funny funerals in my time. Mind you, I have a sick sense of humour.
Billy - exactly. I quite like the idea of the vicar wearing a frilly shirt, velvet suit and outsized bow tie as well.
And I suppose they had my idle mate Eric singing 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'.
Sorry Betty I know you aren't a fan.
Sorry Betty I know you aren't a fan.
Six Feet Under taught me that funeral is an anagram of 'real fun'. I want mine to be full of really inappropriate, arms-aloft and poppers-o-clock music*.
(* copyright Popjustice.com)
(* copyright Popjustice.com)
Kaz - I think I'd actually prefer Angels by Robbie Williams as a comedy funeral song.
Garfer - they are at all the ones I go to, and there are food fights at the wake afterwards.
Boz - same here. Mind you, by the time I die, I'll have fallen out with everyone I know, so it's going to be a very quiet party :(
Garfer - they are at all the ones I go to, and there are food fights at the wake afterwards.
Boz - same here. Mind you, by the time I die, I'll have fallen out with everyone I know, so it's going to be a very quiet party :(
Seriously, I went to a humourist funeral recently. We had the cardboard coffin buried under a tree and all that - it was the works.
I've told my Mrs to drag me up into the gorse so the foxes can eat me!
I've told my Mrs to drag me up into the gorse so the foxes can eat me!
Boz - I don't want them to be nice to me. I'd get bad vibes from the next world.
Tom - I always wonder what happens with those cardboard coffins. I can imagine the pallbearers carryiing them into the church, then the corpse falling out of the stapled, corrugated cardboard base. In fact, that would be quite a good thing to happen at a humourist funeral really.
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Tom - I always wonder what happens with those cardboard coffins. I can imagine the pallbearers carryiing them into the church, then the corpse falling out of the stapled, corrugated cardboard base. In fact, that would be quite a good thing to happen at a humourist funeral really.
