Saturday, January 17, 2009


I'm not saying my mother in law is daft ...

Geoff attended the funeral of a former work colleague this week. When we visited his mum he told her that it had been a humanist service.

"Oh, that's nice, I've heard of those," the MIL said.

A few minutes later, Geoff's step dad came into the room.

"Geoff went to that funeral today," the MIL informed him. "It was one of those humourist services."

Yeah, I can imagine what those humourist services are like ...

Vicar: "A few of you may know that the deceased died while on holiday in the Caribbean."

(feeder line from someone in front row of congregation) - "Jamaica?"

Vicar: "No, she went of her own accord."

Vicar: "I'm not saying that the deceased was on the large side, but the coffin was made by Harland And Wolff."

(feeder line from someone in front row of congregation) - "I'm sorry to hear about the death, what was the complaint?"

Vicar - "We haven't had any yet."

Etc., etc.

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I want a humourist fun-neral!
Like the idea in prinicple but at my funeral I'd rather the real humour was left for the wake, much though I enjoyed your posting Betty.
When I die, I want the hearse to be one of those clown cars that collapses.
I'm not saying my brother is daft, but I did wonder what he meant when he told me not to worry that my mom was going in for her anagram.

Turns out her mammogram did reveal a sneaky lump.
Off-topic... but thank-you x3 for putting me on to Mrs Miller!!!!
Shall I play it for Geoff?!
It's high time we put the "fun" back in funeral.
You'd need a drum kit at a humourist funeral to punctuate the jokes.
Scarlet - anything is preferable to a humour-less funeral.

Laura - I should imagine people will be laughing and cheering at my funeral. Well - if anyone bothers to attend, that is.

Tim - something very similar happened at my dad's funeral (well, the hearse conked out. I thought it was funny, although I probably shouldn't admit it).

Clarissa - I'd have a problem with words in that situation too (I have a problem with words full stop).

Scarlet - I think Vicus may be a Mrs Miller "fan" too. Yeah, you can play it for Geoff. She sounds like him when he sings.

MJ - I've been to some unintentionally funny funerals in my time. Mind you, I have a sick sense of humour.

Billy - exactly. I quite like the idea of the vicar wearing a frilly shirt, velvet suit and outsized bow tie as well.
And I suppose they had my idle mate Eric singing 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'.
Sorry Betty I know you aren't a fan.
Custard pie fights should be compulsory at funerals.
Six Feet Under taught me that funeral is an anagram of 'real fun'. I want mine to be full of really inappropriate, arms-aloft and poppers-o-clock music*.

(* copyright Popjustice.com)
Kaz - I think I'd actually prefer Angels by Robbie Williams as a comedy funeral song.

Garfer - they are at all the ones I go to, and there are food fights at the wake afterwards.

Boz - same here. Mind you, by the time I die, I'll have fallen out with everyone I know, so it's going to be a very quiet party :(
But that's okay because they'll STILL have to be nice about you.
Seriously, I went to a humourist funeral recently. We had the cardboard coffin buried under a tree and all that - it was the works.
I've told my Mrs to drag me up into the gorse so the foxes can eat me!
Boz - I don't want them to be nice to me. I'd get bad vibes from the next world.

Tom - I always wonder what happens with those cardboard coffins. I can imagine the pallbearers carryiing them into the church, then the corpse falling out of the stapled, corrugated cardboard base. In fact, that would be quite a good thing to happen at a humourist funeral really.
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