Thursday, January 15, 2009


Last night, we had the BBC's News channel on.

The newsreader promised us that there was a bulldog puppy in the studio, because there is a news story about the Kennel Club's change in the standards it applies to pedigree dogs.  All to do with health problems caused by inbreeding ... well, click on the link if you're interested.

We were informed that "the bulldog puppy is going to be here, but you'll have to wait about forty minutes to see it".

Well, bollocks to that!  I want HARD news, and I want it now!  I don't want to see a bulldog puppy!  How old do you think I am?  I want to know about THE REAL WORLD.  I want to know, from every angle, exactly WHY that Government Spokeslady* suggested that there were were signs of "green shoots of recovery" in British business.  I want to see a story about that which lasts for at least an hour.  I want to furrow my brow so much that my forehead caves in and I end up looking like the bulldog puppy in this picture:
He's obviously bothered about the British economy and the credit crunch much more than the bloody BBC. Is this what we pay our licence fee for?

I waited forty minutes to see the puppy. Aaawwwww.

*as she would be described by Polly Witterings

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My Mista looked over my shoulder and said what I was thinking: "fuck, that is a cute puppy."
Pedigree Degz are copies of copies of copies of copies so it's y'er basic bottleneck in the gene-pool nightmare scenario and poor Bulldogs, God-bless-'em, are pretty much the polar opposite of what Mother Nature would design but awwwww...
dat widdle puppy is soooo cute!
Get that fuck ugly fucking dog off of my fucking lawn.
Do you think it's called Tessa Jowls?
Continued brow furrowing will have you looking like a Shar-Pei.
I'm now convinced Vicus lives down the other end of our village.
And Rumpole's just pegged out! What are you doing Betty?
I bet when it gets excited it turns into a bull mastiff.
Clarrissa - cute, but very INTENSE.

Donn - apparently the Kennel Club is saying that bulldogs have got to be thinner, have longer legs and be less jowly. Wish that would work for me, actually.

Vicus - don't argue with the dog. It's very bad tempered.

RoMo - or Jowlin' Wolf?

MJ - I hate to think what is lurking inside those creases.

Murph - do little kids throw stones at his windows so that he yells abusively at them, and they run away laughing? As for Rumpole, I see that BBC4 have a tribute night for him on Sunday. That was either very quick work or a verrry spooky coincidence.

Reg - the same thing happens to me, funnily enough.
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