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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

ODE PECULIER 


TWENTY FIVE IMAGINARY REAL ALES:


1.   Grandad's Little Problem

2.   Bin Juice

3.   Rusty Bike Lock

4.   Vernon Kay's Proclavities

5.   Broken Foreskin

6.   St. Vitus' Dance

7.   Grand Wizard's Knob

8.   Tittensor Reserve

9.   The Cross Dressing Vicar

10.  Hairy Crack

11.  Elvish Presley

12.  Old Maid's Perenium

13.  Bangers And Mash

14.  Firestarter

15.  Bull's Balls

16.  Queen Of The South

17.  Congleton Swamp Mud

18.  Flight Of The Oystercatcher

19.  Herb Alpert's Backwash

20.  A Plague Of Locusts

21.  Vas Deferens

22.  Uttoxeter Weasel

23.  Puerto Rican Fence Climber

24.  Bracken Underfoot

25.  Toad's Craw

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Comments:
Todcastle Toe Cheese.

A fine drop.
 
To add to #16, here's another one for Scottish football fans:

'Hamilton Academicale'
 
That man looks like a yard of spilled ale - he's all drippy and long looking.
 
..Ah, that's cheered me up! Easily pleased, me - just say Uttoxeter and I'm grinning like a tit for days on end...

Bosun's Bludgeoner

Smugglers' Beauregard

Tinman's Brouhaha

(Cornish ales)

Throbbing Pixie (Hobgoblin)

Godiva Minge Dew (Coventry region)

Offa's Sandal Spray (Welsh Borders)

Figgott's Grudge (Grampion)

Balls-Over Hump Strainer (Harlech)

Fingle's Git Spiggot (Oslo)

Verdigree Strim Harness (Tyne-Tees)

Didgerido Bombast Flagon (Biscay)

...

xxx
Bob

p.s. woad vrecifornication: alegymp

?????
 
Wumple's Scramp Miggin

Blogger's Word Verification Special

Chunder's Bugstrup

Mandy's Old Queer

The Exeter Blinder

Nanette Newman's Undertow

Betty's Pale Utility

Geoff's Old Peril

Wheeee! This is fun.
 
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Simon Cowell's Beard.
 
Beverley Callard's Breasts.
 
Old Crippled Stoat

Gut Fucker

Gnarled Barclay's

Warlock's Spunk

Kernow Cock

Sweet Barry Adams (honey beer)
 
ohemgee, they all sound so good.

Anyone visiting the West Coast? Try the Two Buck Chuck - a fine wine available only in the Bay Area.

Inspired posting Betty.
 
Old Frothingslosh - oh no I think that's real real ale.
Geoff Boycott's jockstrap.
 
Old Farmer's Ballsack
 
Garfer - nice smeared onto a bit of rye bread.

Chris - or Forfar Arthritic?

RoMo - well, the Google image came from a blog, so I don't know if it's actually the bloke who writes it. Er, I'm sure he has an inner beauty. Mind you, he lives in Canada so he's unlikely to come over here to beat me up ... fingers crossed.

Bob - those should all be read out instead of the Shipping Forecast. I only included the Uttoxeter one at the last moment. We used to sing a song we called "Wonderful, Wonderful Uttoxeter" (to the tune of that song about Copenhagen) after an underwhelming visit to the place.

Boz - Boz's Brainstormer? I don't think I could stomach the Word Verification Special - rilaaaayyle?

Murph - well, when I read "Simon Cowell's Beard" I'd just put some peanuts in my mouth and I sprayed them out onto the screen with larffter. Haven't he and his beard "gone their seperate ways"?

Geoff - don't partake of the Gnarled Barclay's, it'll drive you CRAZY.

Arabella - thanks, but it was really just a matter of thinking up some random words. I'm too lazy to have put much thought into it.

Kaz - Geoff Boycott looks like the sort of person who would drink real ale, although I don't know if he actually does. I don't want to think about where his cricket box has been.

Realdoc - a good source of protein.
 
Witch's Tit (best served warm, controversially)

Carey's Coddled Clopper

Blindsided Blunderbus

That's all from me - I don't really like ale, although Boz's Nanette Newman's Undertow sounds like it's worth a try...



Isn't Vas Deferens one of those hideous old 70's soft rock bands?
 
Naked Nun

Perpetual Evanescence of Ruth Madoc (Slight Return)

Jammie Hoy Hoy

The Bits That Were Left Of Cousin Olwen After The Nasty Kiln Accident

Croup
 
HAHAHA Luv it!

Wombat Wizz
Ta H'Ale Wi'Ewe
Ghent Nekked
Goggle Woggle
Lillian's Gish
Consider This Foreplay
Harry Potted
Snockered & Knockered
12th Of Never
One Four The Ditch
Avant vous dites le non
(Before you say NO)
Shallwee Havagoethen
Drop Y'er Trousers Sir William
Avanother
Hopsnog
Barley Vous Français
Flaccid & Placid
 
Drooper's Brew.
 
Tim - RIP, Mitch Mitchell :(

Phoenis Rizing - admit it, this was the tracklisting of the debut album by your imaginary band.

Geoff - too drunk to f*ck?
 
strangler's cock
 
Surly - Jean Jacques Burnel? It's also the name of a theme pub in Dartford.
 
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