Friday, November 21, 2008


It was with a certain amount of interest (hem hem) that I read about the new Durex gel that claims to speed up and intensify female orgasm, and which has been *road tested* by blogging's own Girl With A One Track Mind.

As an elderly woman, I obviously haven't felt any vibrations in my undertow since the Co-op did away with blue stamps, so I'm encouraged by the positive results that Girl has experienced. Just a squirt of gel applied to the appropriate bits, a viewing of some boy on boy action (blimey, she must have some interesting neighbours!) and, apparently, she went from 0 - 250 miles per hour in 10 seconds!

Of course, I can't wait to get my hands on the appropriate product.  I was delighted to find that marvellous high street establishment Wilko has already put its own version of the gel in the stores. Rather like its ultra strength hair gel, the sexee sexee product retails at 39p for a generous 1000 ml jar.  I've not used it myself yet, because I'm waiting to get some "me time", ho ho.

Anyway, I'd encourage other female bloggers who are reading this to buy the Wilko product and road test it themselves!

To help you on your way to paradise, I'm posting a number of arousing pictures to look at after applying the product ...

I'd love to receive any feedback about your experiences with the products in the comments box, provided it's not too graphic.  

Best of luck, ladies.

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"I can't wait to get my hands on the appropriate product"
I think that you will find it isn't meant for the hands, you daft ratbag.
Oh woe is me...

Having read and delighted in your witty and amusing post on Wilco's new 'orgasmagel' product, I double back alleyed to the GWAOTM link, thinking, like you, that it had been a decade or so since I myself last felt any stirrings in the undercarriage and, if nothing else, I could do with a good laugh. (As regualar readers will know, even if GWAOTM's laughable notions of smut fail to get the blood coursing, if all else fails you can always have a proper old cackle at her risible grammar and atrocious speeling...Almost as funny as the photos...)

So, stap me vitals if I didn't follow the GWAOTM link only to find that it's been - not blocked, they hasten to assure me - but 'paused' (*paused*?? *PAUSED*?? This is ruddy *COITUS*!!!) because, apparently, the content is...(you'll have to imagine me scratching my head here...) and no, I couldn't believe it either...


Needless to say, I couldn't get my kecks up quick enough....


p.s. crude wankifififaction: slippe

It would, I suppose - being a gel, like...

p.p.s. do we get a prize for naming the eye candy:

(in reverse order):

Marty Feldman

Mr. Geoff

Bingo from The Banana Splits/The Residents

Alan Carr

Crosby out of Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, Gifted * Black

Stray Photon

You are Kolly Kibber - I claim my £5...
Does it come with a spatchula for easy application?
god it tasted awful!
There's nothing new under the sun: http://tinyurl.com/6e2e6y
Who needs product? Those photos did it for me and I'm as dry as a box of kosher crackers.
Was that too much information?
Why waste money on gel when you can do the trick for nothing just by imagining the gorgeous Rodney Bickerstaffe winking at you lecherously.
My undulating undies didn't have the desired effect?
Like Arabella, the photos alone did it for me.
Does that make me a laydee?
I can't believe you failed to include that incredible and fantastic photo of Terry Wogan showing off his meat and two veg in his jaunty moleskins last year - all the nice gels like a sailor. Ooooh I see - that kind of 'gel'. Well really!

Word verif: ingings
the co op have stopped blue stamps!! then how do you get your divvy ??
Jesus, would you look at the snugness of Werbeniuk's trouser?

The weird thing is, I used to look like Rodney Bickerstaffe, but as I get older and fatter and more decrepit, I'm turning into Alan Carr. Who must be 40 years younger than Rodney.
Vicus - I wasn't using the product on my hands. However, my hands were occupied after using it.

Bob - mine is one of the few blogs which has been deemed Safe For Work, which pisses me off. Don't I swear enough? Perhaps more graphic descriptions of violence would up the ante. As for the pictures - well, you're almost right, but the photo you said was of "Mr" Geoff was actually Vicus Scurra, the blogger who commented above you and great mate of Boris Johnson.

Boz - there's a fiddly little stick of the sort you find attached to a can of WD40. I used a soup ladle though.

Ziggy - perhaps you should've tried the Creme De Menthe flavour, or the festive Bailey's Irish Creme (special seasonal limited edition).

Mike - now, why do I think that picture may have since been altered to read "The Things That People Do To Get Hold Of A Young Person" somewhere on the internet?

Arabella - not enough information actually. I assume by "kosher crackers" you mean Jacob's crackers. I think in the blogging world we can get away with naming brands without being sued (well, I hope so, anyway).
Garfer - imagining Rodney walking into a hot, smoky union committee room and his specs steaming up ... now, there's a fantasy I have on a regular basis ... grunt ...

MJ - no, unfortunately. Do you think it's because the batteries are running low, and should I wire them up to the mains?

Dive - on the contrary, it means you're comfortable with your own sexuality. I hope you're not as dry as box of Jacob's crackers though.

RoMo - I didn't include the picture of Terry because Boz said something about having seen that picture once too often. I'm mindful of the wishes of other bloggers even if that picture is still close to my heart.

Beth - a week before Christmas, a coded message is left on my answerphone and I collect the divvies from someone in a balaclava in a shady alleyway. No questions are asked.

Tim - I miss the days of fat blokes wearing tight slacks ( ... contradiction in terms?). I envy your reversing into middle age. By the time you're sixty you'll look like one of the cast of High School Musical.
What - the COOP doesn't do blue stamps any more?
In that case 'll need cheering up.
Pass me that photo of Marty - it's me me me time.
Kaz - even worse news. Green Shield Stamps have given up the ghost as well. Speaking of stamps, I think the Royal Mail should bring in a range of Marty Feldman Christmas stamps. That would cheer everyone else up through the dark days of the recession.
Difficulty in achieving orgasm along with decline in sex drive is a common side effect of medications such as Xanax. Men under the prescription of anti-depressants are constantly searching for a safe and natural way of improving their desire for sex http://www.viagrathunder.com
Dr Ursula Andress - well, to be honest, if I was really depressed, the last thing on my mind would be wanting to have a shag, even if I was a man. Mind you, the idea of a product called Viagra Thunder has made me double up with laughter.
My apologies to Mr. Geoff. And Vicus.


wand vernacularization: pestener

He's got a new book out on the economy, hasn't he?
Didn't get the product but then again I get free samples of viagra at work. But big Bill and vicus are enough on their own. I would like to encourage vicus to dress up in civil war garb, preferably with a scar a la John Simm in the Devil's Whore and my life would be complete.
One banana, two banana, three banana, four...

Methinks that there is something Freudian about your choice of the Bananer Splits?
Makin' up a mess of fun,
makin' up a mess of fun
Lots of fun for everyone
Tra la la, la la la la

"Yes, we have no bananas
We don't need-a no bananas today?"

Is GWAOTM still a going concern?
given that xanax is a sedative i'm not surprised that a side effect is "difficulty in achieving orgasm"...i presume "viagra thunder" is some sort of rocket attached to the undercarriage of said sedated gentlemen in order to effect maximum waking-upness combined with a raging stalker.

i *may* need to get out more.
Bob - I'm sure that no apology is needed. Neither of them have body image issues, as Gok fucking Wan might say. They are both secure enough in themselves as MEN and are fully rounded people who radiate an inner beauty or some other load of bollocks.

Realdoc - you mean to say that you haven't been to one of those battle re-enactments that Vicus goes to every weekend? His performance at the Battle Of Marston Moor on The Isle Of Sheppey was particularly memorable. Phwoar!

Common Tater - I chose that picture of Bingo because he strongly resembles Alan Carr who is in the next picture down. The Banana Splits is pretty disturbing and trippy. I certainly hope I haven't got any deep seated sexual feelings connected to the show. Perhaps I should see an analyst.

Surly Girl - Viagra Thunder doesn't exactly entice you as a product name, does it? More likely it'd put the fear of god into you, even if you were heavily sedated.
So far it seems that generic Cialis works better and has more lasting effects than other drugs used against impotence, which makes this particular drug more appealing. If you are in need of a drug that can help you get easy, quicker and long lasting erections then cialis is the answer. People looking for cheaper alternatives can go for generic cialis but only when you are sure of the pharmacy. http://www.buy-cialis-online-now.com
Generic Viagra is the best choice medicine for erectile dysfunction as it can be taken regardless of the age of the patient and works unhindered with most medicines.
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