Thursday, July 17, 2008


Chiles: smiling through the pain

Champagne bottles were uncorked and there was mass hysteria in the streets recently among the women of Britain at the joyous news that Adrian "Voodoo" Chiles- the most sexually attractive man in Europe - was once again a free agent.

I'd certainly be at the head of the queue to get my claws into Adrian (41) if 

(a) I wasn't already married or

(b) He wasn't four years younger than me and will probably eventually *find happiness* with, I dunno, television's Fearne Cotton.

Sigh ...

We're still persevering with The ONE Show, of which Adrian is one of the co-presenters. I wrote a post about it a couple of years ago.  Most importantly, we're still persevering with watching The ONE Show with the sound turned off.  Don't ever watch it with the sound turned on: it will only disappoint you.

In a recent ONE Show, the main guest was dreamy, gorgeous former footballer David Ginola (41), who certainly rivals Adrian for the crown of Most Sexually Attractive Man Of Europe.

The ladies on the show had definitely put in a bit of effort, no doubt *for David*.

Co-presenter (and Garfer lust-object) Christine Bleakley was wearing a lovely dove grey chiffon frock.

That ginger woman whose name escapes me was wearing a burgundy pencil skirt with a split in it that was twisted round so that you could see almost all the way up to the Golan Heights. Well, I ask you!  A woman of mature years gadding about like that!  What a carry on!

Anyway, I imagined the question Adrian put to Monsieur Ginola - two great sex symbols of our age locking horns ...

"Davvvveeed, yo'm an 'it with the ladies.  Could yer give us a few pointers, loike, tell me weer I'm gooin' wrong?  Chat up lines and that?  The missus 'as kicked us out after a year of mekkin' me sleep on the sofa.  Do yer know any French birds yo can fix us up with?"

As I said - don't watch it with the sound turned up.

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Aww, Adrian Chiles. In his 'Working Lunch' incarnation he was my only daytime companion during my first stint as a freelancer. Well, him and the cats. And MTV's 'Behind the Music' with Shania Twain. There's nothing I can't tell you about Shania Twain.

I don't think I'm making much of a point, am I?
I dare you to use Adam & The Ants lyrics in your post's titles until the end of the year.
(NB: None of his solo stuff to be used).
You type great Brum.
You must admit that Christine is marginally more attractive than Adrian. Someone once claimed that 'his head looks like it's been pushed into a bottle'.

There are rumours of sexual chemistry between the lovely Christine and Chiles, which I'm sure can't be true. If they are I will feel compelled to knee him in the nads.

Keep off my turf Chiles.
Did you and Geoff spend last night in the 2006 wayback machine, by any chance?
I hope David replied - "Quelle domage Adrianne en votre case ce'st necessaire pour avoir le surjairie plastique.
Ou trouver une femme avec un white stick."
Adrian Chiles?


(a Labrador Cross writes)
The ONE show is always on when I'm in the gym, so I always watch it with the sound down. Usually with the likes of Underworld or Prodigy on my headphones trying to spur me to new heights of aerobic athleticism. And to droan out my wheezing.

Leave off our lovely Fearne though. She can do sooo much better.
Patroclus - when I first read that I thought that Adrian Chiles literally was your companion when you were freelancing. I would've found him a bit annoying and distracting. I'd need to send him up to the town centre to get a bottle of milk, just to get him from under my feet. Ah! The Shania Twain Behind The Music documentary! Her whole family was killed in some tragic accident involving a threshing machine, weren't they?

Istvanski - I suppose it is possible to use all those Adam & The Ants titles, but it sounds like too much of an effort for someone who is as naturally lazy as I am. It's a dog eat dog business, blogging.

Garfer - I read about those rumours as well, but they've been denied by Christine, who is probably embarrassed by being linked to Adrian. He, however, is probably very flattered and is not saying anything.

MJ - 1968, actually. Man, the colours are amazing!

Kaz - Adrianne est un chien andalou. Il es dans le jardin, avec le chat.

Murph - that's a bit harsh. He has a beautiful soul. That's something we humans look for in a partner, because we're less superficial than dogs.

Del - well, the main reason we listen to it with the sound off is that Geoff is pounding away on the treadmill, usually playing some completely unsuitable music. Fearne Cotton has just split from some bloke she's been with for a long time. Don't know who he is, but fate has written in the stars that she should end up with Adrian. Beautiful.
I have never been able to stand Adrian Chiles. I wish he would do a show with Annabel Giles - The Giles and Chiles Show - that way we could all point the finger a laugh heartily forever more.
RoMo - or even better, a show with the above plus John Miles and Nobby Stiles? The Giles, Chiles, Miles and Stiles Show.
. . . or a TV show about stately homes: Old Piles with Giles, Chiles, Miles and Stiles. Oh dear.

I met him at a Wrexham v West Brom game once. Nice, unassuming guy, considering he's a Baggies fan.
Malc - I thought all Baggies fans were modest and unassuming. Shy, retiring Frank Skinner for example.
Does this have anything to do with why the UK refuses to adopt the Euro?
Donn - yes. Nobody in mainland Europe understands us or cares about us, so why should we care about them (so goes the logic).
Betty, I'm worried about you. Are you well?
Ziggi - thanks for your concern. I'm feeling a lot better, considering. I take each day as it comes. The police have dropped the charges and I can get on with my life. If only I could get rid of this embarrassing facial tic.
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