Wednesday, May 07, 2008


Tim "I'll Get Me Coat" Footman has stipulated that readers of Cultural Snow must post a meme in which we provide eight facts about a famous individual.

It was decreed that I tell you something or other about Israel Kamakawiwo'ole.

1. Although he sounds as if he should have been a Druze farmer in the Golan Heights, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole was in fact a Hawaiian musician and singer.

2. Other famous Hawaiian musicians include Yvonne Elliman, who had a worldwide hit with If I Can't Have You (as featured on the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack) and sleep/coma/suicide inducing surfer boy Jack Johnson.

3. Israel's band featured his brother Skippy, the only marsupial I can think of to have success in the music industry. He brought a hip *hop* element to Israel's music. His other influences included *Bush* and *Joey* Ramone, and his favourite song was Staring At The *Roo'd* Boys by The Ruts.

4. Israel's biggest hit was a medley of the songs Over The Rainbow and Wonderful World. A strange choice - the pining melancholy of the first contradicts the beatific joy of the second, er, if you ask me. It features a ukulele (like most of his other songs, it seems. Did he play ukulele on all of 'em?) Actually, it sounds like a cod reggae medley and goes on a bit.

5. Other famous ukulele wielding artistes include innuendo king George Formby and cross dressing fantasist Robert Swipe.

6. Israel was morbidly obese, and would've given Ric Waller a run for his money. Imagine those two doing a tour of the cruise ships - what a hazard! I've heard of a performer sinking like a stone in front of the audience, but not sending the audience down into the murky watery depths with them! Unfortunately, Israel died of weight-related problems in 1997, aged just 38. If only he'd lived long enough to meet Amy Winehouse, they could've cancelled out their problems between them.

7. Israel was one of only three people to be given a state funeral in Hawaii, and the only non-politician. Fingers crossed that Jack Johnson doesn't get a state funeral, eh?

8. Ten years after his death, Israel had his biggest success ever in the US, when his album Wonderful World climbed to number 44 "on the" Billboard Chart. Fair enough, but it doesn't quite rival the post-death success of Tupac Shakur (or "Two Park" as he is known to Tim "Ookaay, Let's Gooooooooo!!!!!!!!" Westwood).

There you have it. I'm probably going to receive loads of abusive e-mails and comments from rabid Israel Kamakawiwo'ole fans six months from now telling me that I'm an ignorant, empty headed fat virgin bitch who deserves a good slapping. Well, I'd never heard of him before and this is meant to be a "light hearted" post or something like that. Will that do? Can I go out into the lovely sunshine now?

Labels: , , , , ,

He looks as if he's had Ric Waller for lunch.
Tim - that's probably what caused him to die. Face it, you don't really hear much about Ric Waller these days, do you?

Meanwhile, this post is going down like a lead balloon, and it's all your fault (... only joking. It's all my fault. This is a tired, haggard, washed out old blog and someone should shoot it to put it out of its misery).

... actually, I've just looked up Ric (um, Rik) Waller news on Google, and there are no direct references to him - just a mention of someone looking like Rik Waller on Sky News, and two reports on Boys Tennis (wouldn't click on them - you'd probably have your computer confiscated and end up helping the police with their enquiries).

Didn't he marry some weird bird who's in a pagan cult?

Hmm ... quiet here, innit? I think I'll go back out into the lovely sunshine. Fuck this for a game of soldiers.
And who can forget Don Ho?

"Tiny Bubbles!"
Was he the transvestite who won the Eurovision Song Contest?
MJ - I'm not familiar with Don Ho's work, but am listening to Tiny Bubbles courtesy of YouTube. It's described as the most boring song of all time on there.

Kaz - who? Israel Wotsisface? I don't think he would make a very convincing transvestite ... er, I think you mean Dana International (as opposed to Dana who won Eurovision with All Kinds Of Everything ...) who was a transexual.
Tiny Bubbles IS sleep-inducing, yes but surely there are more boring songs?

Geoff should explore this topic further as he did such a fab job with his "Earworm Alert" posting.
That is one big Kahuna!
He sort of looks like a combination of Roy Orbison and Jabba The Hut.

I'm sure that Izzy is playin' in the great lounge in the sky with Don Ho...
and I'll bet anything that Kono "OK Boss" from Hawaii 5-0 is the bouncer.
I just reaslised that Cher prolly stole that prestigious single moniker idea from Kono.

Surely to god he covered Tip Toe Through The Tulips before catchin' the last big wave?
Aren't they introducing the ukele onto the National Curriculum? In about ten years most schoolkids in Britain will look like that.

Don't forget your sun cream.
MJ - yes, but imagine having to listen to endless boring songs again and again to decide which was the most boring. Can you die from boredom?

Donn - I hate to think of Israel playing in that great lounge in the sky, in case he falls out of the great lounge in the sky and lands on top of our house. I dread to think what the repair bills would come to ... Tip Toe Through The Tulips ... now you've got me thinking of Tiny Tim, and I am disturbed.

Malc - I think the prevalence of junk food in children's diets could have more to do with them looking like that in ten years time. Still, deaths linked to obesity are a good thing - we could do with a fall in the population. I forgot my suncream yesterday and now have a sore nose.
Mmmmmm … He's one hunka-hunka burning luuurve.
betty - you are a dafty ... but I love you! I don't understand any of this!

Dive - I wouldn't like to be in a fifty mile radius if he was, literally, burning.

Belle - I don't understand any of it either. If I come close to understanding anything that I write, then it'll be time to start worrying.
I was a bit worried you'd mixed up the pics and this was Geoff on his GI diet playing selections from James Tayloy's first album.
Murph - actually you're spot on there. James Taylor. Morbid obesity. The flatulence, the flatulence. No wonder I'm heading for the divorce courts, eh?
You think this is going down like a lead balloon, you had it easy, I got a medievalist who nobody liked and wasn't even a proper king. My stats may never recover.

Poor Israel. Only 38.
Annie - yes, but the medievalist was more of a challenge. Footman obviously thought you were up to the job. He was sussed enough to know that I'm too stupid to pull something like that off.

Israel may have contributed to his own demise. I mean, was there any need to tuck into that seventy third pork pie for breakfast? He was just a boy who couldn't say no.
Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?