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Sunday, February 24, 2008

I'LL GET YOU BUTLER, VOLUME TWO 

Of course, the best thing about blogging is the response from you, the dearly loved and fondly missed reader. I love comments threads that go off on a tangent and the interaction between different commenters, especially as it doesn't involve much work for me.

Sometimes it's nice to get a response from monomaniacal, humourless anonymous fans who are indignant on behalf of their idol and have only found you from the twentieth page of a Google search.

So I was a bit jealous of the other half, who has been getting a few indignant comments from persons unknown who are smitten by the immensely charismatic Darius Danesh. This one turned up in Geoff's e-mail box today in response to his post about the choice of Darius to play Rhett Butler in Trevor Nunn's forthcoming stage version of Gone With The Wind:

"www.gwtwmusical.com I think is the url of the offical site, and it now has videos of Trevor nunn et all discussing casting - Darius evidently is the perfect Rhett. snippets of the music wil be added soon - anyone who has seen Darius on stage will know he has the charisma, stage presence an dability to play Rhett - in the book the description of Rhett IS Darius,"

Much as I can understand the commenter's point of view about Darius and his dability, I can't quite agree with it, and would suggest the following as more suitable to play Rhett:

Mark Lawrenson
Gary Coleman
Nobby Stiles
Pete Shelley of The Buzzcocks
Steve Diggle of The Buzzcocks
Norman Collier
Michael Cera
Michael Jackson
Boris Johnson
Tyrone "Mouthbreather" Dobbs from Coronation Street
Dot Cotton from Eastenders
Bez
Duncan Norville
Stephen Merchant
Roky Erickson
Iain Dowie
Ray "I Will Prevail" Winstone
Hugh Grant
Matt Lucas
David Vine
Daniel "That Weatherman With The Windmilling Arms" Corbett
Ronnie Corbett
My mum's cousin, Paul B*******
Bruce "Happy Birthday Brucie!!!!!!" Forsyth
Prince "Bloody Fucking Frankenstein" Philip
Perez Hilton
The drummer from Franz Ferdinand
Al Pacino
Richard Madeley

Any other suggestions to add to this list are most welcome.

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Comments:
And Catherine Earnshaw WAS Heathcliff, so that's nice.
 
Tom Cruise.
 
At least Iain Dowie is currently available.
 
Arabella - hiya, it's a bit like an empty aircraft hangar in here tonight ... Bloglines is down, and nobody is visiting, which is a bit spooky. Um ... helloooo? Is anyone out there? Maybe I'll get some mad Darius Danesh fans over here, ranting at two in the morning, with any luck.

Geoff - what, with that mad laughter and those gleaming amphibian eyes? Thanks for the Gary Coleman suggestion, by the way.
 
Istvanski - perhaps Kevin Keegan would be able to be an understudy.
 
The bloke who used to play the mouth organ on Morecambe & Wise

Dolph Lundgren

Su Pollard

Zeppo Marx

Doc Cox

Norman St John-Stevas

A modest slice of carrot cake

Birmingham
 
Yes, yes, this is all very well, but who is going to win the Blue Square Premier League?
 
It might well be Aldershot Town, Mr Scurramunga. They've got that squaddie mentality.
 
Wayne Rooney.
 
Geoff.
 
Gary Coleman is indisposed as he's recently married and is still waiting to have sex with his bride.

"It will happen when it happens," he said.
 
Roly from Grange Hill?
 
Bob Monkhouse?
 
Frank Lee.

(m'dear)
 
Gadzooks! I'm afraid that this whole "from the groundfloor up" revolution of the everyman was inevitable.

In days-of-olde Celebrated Entertainers were a controlled substance..
now thanks to Pop Star shows and the Interwebs, we have become painfully aeware that there are literally MILLIONS of 'triple threat' entertainers on the planet!

This genie has 'left the bottle' and the powers that be are simply outsourcing our celebs because it is cheaper.
 
Steve McClaren's still looking for work - him and his funny little island of hair.
 
Tim - the bloke who used to play the mouth organ on Morecambe & Wise! "Not now, Arthur"! I wonder if he's still alive? I know the rather large woman who used to be on at the end of the show before him - Janet Something Or Other, the original Beth Ditto - is sadly no longer with us.

Vicus/Istvanski - I see that Hednesford Town beat Worksop 3-1 at the weekend at Keys Park. Up the Pitmen!

Kaz - it's a close call between him and the satanic Gerrard, isn't it?

Boz - how did you know that Geoff looks like Clark Gable, but without the bad breath?

MJ - perhaps it will happen if he stands on a chair. Or perhaps he's better off throwing himself into some theatre work to get rid of all his pent up frustration and energy.

RoMo - Roly's acting portfolio is a lot thinner than he is, so this could be His Moment. Bob Monkhouse may not put his heart and soul into the performance in his current state, but I'm just guessing.

Murphy - ah, the former Manchester City footballer. I hope the "I don't give a damn" remark wasn't a slight on the post, but I suspect it was :(

Homey - problem is, no one wants to see "proper" actors on the stage anymore. They just want to see former runners up in reality shows from 2003. Perhaps all the former reality show contestants should be sent on a peacekeeping mission in Iraq instead.
 
Malc - thing is, would the hair island upstage him and start to demand separate dressing room, higher fees, imput into the script, etc? It could happen.
 
Roky Erickson - lol!
 
Sylvester Stallone. And johnny Vegas. Together, as one.

Darius who?
 
It's a shame Larry Grayson and John Inman are dead, they would have smouldered.
 
Dr Legg from Eastenders. he once played a dog in a radio 4 play (I know, I was there) so not such a barking suggestion, ho ho.
 
Kek - now could be the time for a leading character in a West End musical who is possessed by aliens. Here's hoping ...

Fathorse - "Sylvester Stallone and Johnny Vegas together, as one". Tears are stinging my eyes as I think of that union. I'm an old romantic at heart.

Garfer - Larry Grayson's dark brooding good looks found him taking on many challenging roles including a tour de force performance as Heathcliffe at Nuneaton Rep in 1957. Dunno about Inman. I only know that, like The Soup Dragons, he was free, any old time.

Milla - hello and welcome. Dr Legg sound like he could be up to the job. They'd be able to see his eyebrows from the back of the auditorium. That sort of impact is important in the theatre.
 
Ronny Corbett.

Haille Selassie

Brigham Young
 
..yeah, now watch the Mormons flock here in droves!!
 
Don't diss Brigham, he discovered the tablets.

And no, Prozac doesn't work either.
 
FN - Brigham Young has been otherwise disposed for the past 141 years. Looks like the only Mormon available is Little Jimmy Osmond. As for Haille Selassie, well, mention him and there could be a Rasta/Mormon face off in the comments box ... with any luck.

Garfer - he was slagged off by Arthur Conan Doyle in A Study In Scarlet. Mind you, with his dodgy spiritualist beliefs, it was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.
 
Gerard 'Rhett' Butler, or is this just to obvious?
OOh and while we're at it, Scarlett Jo'hands'on!

Most people would love to see an updated cartoonish (ie;shirtless) Leonidas, I mean Rhett Butler. For gawdsake they need to amp it up for the video game generation.

Scarlett, that 'dayum beeyotch', will receive a mid thorax vivisection at the foot of the staircase by a sword wielding Leonidas, I mean Rhett, who screams,

"I

DON'T

GIVE-A-DAMN!"
 
Homey - I'm wondering how they'll work that scene of the wounded soldiers laid out on the grass into the musical version. Will there be dancing nurses and an amputee chorus line?
 
Pearl Lowe

Pearl Lowe's "beautiful" "18-year-old" "model" daughter

Peter Andre

Peter Stringfellow

Peter Crouch

That Blur cunt and his fucking cheese farm (well, he seems to be doing everything else)
 
"Pearl Lowe and Pearl Lowe's "beautiful" 18-year-old "model" daughter ... That Blur cunt and his fucking cheese farm" ... priceless. This is why you're much missed by we bloggers, see.
 
I miss Dr Legg.

(sigh)
 
Boz, are you old enough to remember Dr Legg? I thought you were about twelve, or summat.
 
i fucking love darius danesh. fact.

*exeunt*
 
Surlz, - Gary Coleman and Dr Legg would be much better as Rhett Butler though, you can't deny that.
 
Contrary to all blog and written evidence to the contrary, I am in the dying years of my 20s.
 
Bozza - "the dying years of my 20s"? My heart goes out to you. Wait until you get to, quite liderally, the dying years, like me, then you'll have something to complain about. Bloody NHS, bloody bi-focal spectacles, bloody elasticated waistbands, that Alan Titchmarsh is ever so dishy and I've always fancied a toyboy, LMFAO, and so on.
 
Fair point...
 
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