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Thursday, December 06, 2007

LEARNING CURVE 

Gosh, crumbs, I'm publishing two posts in a row that have a strong visual element! What bad form! No wonder I don't have one of those acclaimed blogs!

Anyways, in the comments box on the previous post, Tom suggested ways to attract more feedback from readers.

Frankly, my comments level has been going down a bit in the last few weeks, and I'm desperate enough to do anything to attract attention, so I'll abide by his rules on this one.


(a) not too long a post


Indeed, so without further ado ...


(b) don't get serious about anything ever

I try my best not to.


(c) take a satirical stance (legs apart and one slightly forward of the other)

Hmm, difficult to visualise "a satirical stance". I don't really like Monty Python, but needs must ...





(d) always leave a hook in there for the girls who like to flirt and dream of romance (obviously, that's guys in your case)

So, a hook for all the male readers. Look out for my new up to the moment football results service, coming soon!


(e) regular posts about sex





the male organ




(... well, male organists)


and breasts


There you go. If I don't get at least a hundred comments and a job writing for the TV Quick after this post, then I will be suing Tom.

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Comments:
[I love the fact that you have three breasts] x 100 = brilliant post

Haha, I'm hilarious :)

But why don't you like Monty python???
 
I prefer thighs to breasts.
 
I've taken your advice today and followed a,b, and the "male organ" bit about e.
 
Phwooaarrr, Reginald Dixon. What a spunk.
 
I'm not going to leave a comment because I am terrified of frogs.

*Hyperventilates*
 
Reginald Dixon my arse! That's my near neighbour, Rick Christopher Wakeman.

He's turning on the lights in Diss this year you know. And a few ladies, I should imagine.
 
Fathorse - actually, I have four breasts, but that could be due to wearing a bra which is the wrong size (ho ho). The reason I don't like Monty Python? Could be down to the fact that all the boys who were going to be chemistry students played the same cassette of their sketches again and again at school for three years, every day ... "I'm Ann Elk!" "... oh, lovely River Yangtze" ... ugh.

Billy - well, it depends if you're talking about men, women or chickens. Breasts are certainly better on a woman than a man. A toned thigh can be nice on a man. and I quite like a chicken leg (... er, roast of course),

MJ - it's Tom's advice. He should get all the credit. I look forward to your post about organs, unless it involves posting a picture of Rimshot's organ.

Tim - yeah, I tend to spend a lot of time dreaming that he's playing Red Roses For A Blue Lady for me on The Mighty Wurlitzer at the Tower Ballroom. Yummers!

Kaz - but frogs are so cute! Judging by the picture, they don't seem to enjoy mating much though.

Murph - Will Rick Wakeman be inviting the ladies of Diss back for a takeway curry and a DVD viewing of his Henry VIII On Ice thingy? Bexleyheath's lights are being turned on by Tony Banks.
 
Oh my, I better comment to help you on your way to 100.
Very good effort Betty, but I said 'organ', not 'organist', and you know it! And also, those chicken breasts just aren't doing it for me, but it could just be me I guess.
 
Which acclaimed blog is it that you want Betty?

We could club together and get it you for Christmas, then you could thank us profusely, put it in the cupboard and never look at it again.
 
That IS the quintessential perfect post.

As for my ability to follow 'mayjah' Tom's list:
a)insurmountably difficult
b)imf*ckingpossible
c)always
d)de rigueur
e)definitely
f)obligatory
g)my 'top' priority!
 
Rather than change the ways we all love so well, you could do what I do when it comes to comments: weep with gratitude for one to five; delirious happiness if anything higher.
 
Tom - thanks. Would you have prepared some lamb chops?

It's a good job that I chose a picture of an organist rather than an onanist.

Beth - oh, one of those acclaimed blogs that gets a link in the Guardian or a two minute interview on Radio Four. Mind you, I might not be able to cope with the pressure of getting a couple of extra readers and I'd go all Amy Winehouse.

HE - I don't think I could adhere to those rules. If I tried to adhere to any sort of rules about blogging I'd panic so much that I'd never post again ... which would be a good thing actually.

Arabella - well, I think that in theory but I'm very needy and insecure and I've been getting around half the comments I used to get and I keep getting frozen out by other bloggers and ... *sobs*
 
Oh Betty, don't fret, there's a duck. Isn't Blogger messing about with all the comment access, causing the trouble?
 
Very much looking forward to the football results service. Will tune in Saturday teatime specially. Will there be a vidiprinter?
 
Hmm, organs, chicken boobs. What a great post.
 
Arabella - sorry, just me being a drama queen again. It's nothing that a cold shower and a long bracing walk won't fix.

Malc - yeah, there'll be a really noisy vidiprinter and I'm hoping to spirit up the ghost of Len Martin to read the final results.
 
St Jude - thanks, hullo and welcome, but who are you calling chicken boobs?
 
Brevity is the soul of blogging.

That and photos of men with three testicles.
 
Garfer - I'm trying to stick to the short posts as much as possible, but it's very difficult for someone who's as bad a writer as I am. MJ is the high priestess of three testicle picture posting, so I'll leave that to her.
 
* de-lurks to snigger and take notes *

Snrrrk mmmph! (furious scribbling)

* re-lurks *
 
Photos of men with three testicles?

I'll have it ready for my next "Filthy Friday."
 
see, you've posted up a picture of cleese and now i can't. click. off. the. damn. page. help dammit windows format shit. crap. click.
hghgjhtuiittj

wehekektktkt


DAMMIT BETTY TAKE DOWN THE CLEESE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
TRHHkerkerktht

thehel
 
IDV - ooh, PLEASE don't re-lurk! Everyone is welcome (well, almost anyone. Apart from the ones who've harrassed me!)

MJ - I've already got one here
 
FN - your sins will find you out. Is it still there? Or have you started on those Xmas haschschischschee fudgees a bit early?
 
Excellent post.
Not only shall I leave a comment, but I'll be back to read your witty reposte.

Spunk, tits bums and fannies. There.
That should get some more readers in from Google.
 
I like frogs very much. Not so much when they're on the job though.
 
Istvanski - thank you kindly squire. I dunno if all of those visitors from Google would be wanting to read. They certainly wouldn't bother commenting because their hands would be otherwise occupied.

Spinsterella - yeah, when it's the mating season they really put it about - with toads as well! Yech.
 
Well, we've all done it with the odd toad when things have been a bit slack, haven't we?
 
You do have an acclaimed blogs, you do! Shush and hiccups.

I long ago gave up worrying about traffic. Because six readers a fortnight means I don't lose any sleep. And I'm posting every day at the moment. Because it's not like it's a time of year when I have anything else to do (argh tears hair out weeps regains contact with keyboard with fingers).

Nice breasts (I never get to say this). TV Quick shall be telephoning directly.
 
"...we've all done it with the odd toad when things have been a bit slack..."

Sounds like a certain type of 'gentleman's entertainment' that can be found in the Bangkok red light district.
Disgusting.
 
Spinsterella - only to learn that they don't turn into a prince afterwards, unfortunately ...

Boz - I dunno who's acclaiming my acclaimed blogs then! Anyway, point taken. You are at the brave coalface of blogging at the moment. EVERYBODY, GO OVER TO BOZ'S' (BOZ'IZ??) AND LEAVE A COMMENT.

Istvanski -I should imagine a lot of the sex tourists in Bangkok's red light district look like toads as well. Shudder.
 
Sex & 3 breasts? The triple-breasted whore Eccentrica Galumbits by any chance?

Posts about alcohol are good too.
 
I dunno ... I would Google Eccentrica Galumbits but I'm frightened!

Posts about alcohol are fine. If you start blogging when you've been drinking alcohol, then you should start to worry.
 
You mean to say that blogging sober is an option for me?
 
Only after a long stint in rehab.
 
No no no.
 
here i am confirming to all the world that tom is right!
 
MJ - they forced Amy to go, and they'll force you one day.

Riviergirlie - well, he had to get something right after all this time!
 
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