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Thursday, December 20, 2007

GURLL POWER 

Most annoying Christmas advertising campaign so far? Boots for their "Here Come The Gurlls" one, which seems to be a rip off of the videos for the Rachel Stevens song Some Girls or, ahem, Vindaloo by Fat Les, but with what advertising executive dimwits would call "funky music that will appeal to the young funky career woman demographic".

Basically, it shows a load of hot young gurlls preparing for an office party. Fair enough, there are a couple of barely glimpsed older *ladies* among the fifteen year olds from the model agency, but the plain, frumpy, overweight or tired middle aged women who would normally make up about ninety nine per cent of the workforce of this seemingly huge company have been elbowed out of the ad. What a dream for the creepy married blokes who work there, eh? They must really be looking forward to the Christmas do.

Oh, and the use of that word, "gurlls" ... it's what cheeky market traders have always done to flatter older women. "C''mon gurlls, greengages daahn to a florin a paahnd!" they've said through the centuries. Those market traders, and the twats who've dreamed up the Boots campaign, are patronising bastards. Show me a woman beyond her mid twenties who likes to be called a "gurll" and I'll show you a sadly deluded fool.

Even worse, you have to hear the (otherwise quite nice) "Here Come The Gurlls" music whenever you go into Boots to buy your jam rags or Umberto Gianni scrunching mousette gellee complex, accompanied by the dulcet tones of the woman who always does voiceovers on Boots special offers. She combines being "sexily husky" with sounding as if she is wearing horse dentures ... presumably so that she will appeal to the "young funky career woman demographic" such as the likes of me. Har har.

She is probably a BAFTA winning actress who I have never heard of, mind.

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Comments:
I quite like that advert.
I dont think the artist meant to say "gurrl" its just how he sounds.
His name is Ernie K-Doe, he passed away back in 2001 (thanks wikipedia). I doubt he knows much about current UK popular culture and its english.
(PS despite not being a funky young woman I really like that song)
 
Betty, dear, unless I miss my guess you appear not to have been overtaken by the joyful message of Christmas.
 
The horns on that song are pretty good. They should have just looped them over slowly-rotating bits of make-up.
 
I've just looked up Ernie K. Doe on Winkipedia and it turns out, along with John Doe, he was one of Santa's secret cross-dressing reindeer.
 
I don't think you should be bothering your pretty little head with such stuff and nonsense Elizabeth.
 
Greengages?
Are they a bit like retro kiwi fruit?

I'm sure Ernie K Doe will be delighted to be judged as 'otherwise quite nice'.
He got off quite lightly didn't he?
 
Any women sporting festive reindeer jumpers in your office yet?
 
"Show me a woman beyond her mid twenties who likes to be called a "gurll" and I'll show you a sadly deluded fool."

Gurll with a one track mind, Rivergurllie and erm, Gurll on a train?

Betty...what on earth are you on about?!?
;-)
 
I wish elderly gurrl shop assistants would stop calling me 'luv'.

I am not their lover. It's only posh tottie for me.
 
The boy ... actually, I like the song a lot. I just don't like the way it's been used in the advert. There seem to be loads of researchers who work for advertising agencies who must be paid just to go out to find old funk tracks to accompany adverts and give them a "cool" touch that they otherwise wouldn't have.

Vicus - of course I'm in the Christmas mood. Even as I type, I'm covered with tinsel and have a roast turkey on my head. Thanks for the card by the way. Is Ann Widdecombe forcing you to attend midnight mass this year?

Billy - yeah, it's a good song, but they should've been promoting the products that "gurlls" really need to stock up on over Christmas, such as Tampax and Alka Seltzer!

Geoff - what about the Pilsbury Doe Boys?

Murph - who are you calling pretty?

Kaz - my mother used to mention greengages to me, but they're part of a mysterious lost world. I think Ernie would turn in his grave if he could see the Boots adverts, but wouldn't complain about the royalties.

MJ - office? What office? I saw some girls wearing Christmas pyjamas (??) and Santa hats yesterday.

Istvanski - ooh, you stirrer! I didn't have any bloggers in mind. Although, if any of them want to heap abuse at me they can (like, as if Girl With An Eight Track Cartridge has even heard of me ...)

Garfer - yes, but all the posh birds will call you "daahlink" which is even worse.
 
Betty, this post made me feel so grumpy about eksmass that I went stark raving bonkers.
 
Maximus - glad to be of service! No one can hurt you anymore!
 
Yo Bettster

Sorry - have been whirling around in a dark fug but back now. I hate the way advertising wankers use good tunes for shit ads. I used to love The Only Ones - can't listen to them now as I just see images of crap ad in my head. There is one exception though - the drumming Cadbury's gorilla actually improved Phil Collins for me I must say. And if I had heard 'Here Come The Gurrrrlllsz' elsewhere I would have loved it but now it is undelibly linked to rubbish television imagery selling nonsense to airheads - yet another good track ruined.

Just off to download Jack'n'Diane by John Cougar Mellencamp - hopefully that won't be used for anything this year
 
RoMo - I suppose the only good thing about the use of those songs in adverts is that it'll bring attention to neglected artists who might get a few more royal payments (a bit late in Ernie K. Doe's case though!) Oh, and I like the idea that loads of young kids who only know that Phil Collins song from the Cadbury's ad really believe that the drummer is a gorilla rather than Buster.
 
Here comes the gurrrrrllllss is ghastly!
Not even a valley girl could stomach that shite..

"Gag me with a spoon,
like I am so schuuur!
Grody to the Max!
like hurt me hurt me
Totally."
 
I think it's just that "here-come-the-rancid-old-trouts-desperate-to-swill-Lambrusco-photocopy-their-arses-and-shag-Snetterton-from-accounts" didn't scan.
You are most definitely NOT a girly, Elizabeth. You are, metaphorically speaking, a bloke with tits (the highest compliment for one of the XX chromosome tendency).
 
Now I'm going to have to visit someone with a telly over Christmas so I can see what you're talking about.

"Horse dentures" cracked me up though.
Cheers, Betty!
 
HE - it is like, sooo gross, I am sure! Like, bag the toenails! All the effort those women are putting in to going to an office party. What, in the vain hope of getting groped by some sweaty married man behind the filing cabinets? Barf me out with a spoon!

Reg - I recall that line about a bloke with tits being used in the long forgotten and great sitcom I Didn't Know You Cared. Isn't Kenny Sansom a bloke with tits?

Dive - there's a link to a YouTube clip of the advert in the post. Mind you, I'm not sure if you're able to get YouTube yet out there in East Angular. No doubt the adverts will be phased out now that all the office parties are over. At least you can listen out for the woman doing the voiceovers persuading you to indulge in the great Pantene hair products three-for-two offers next time you're in Boots.
 
eh, 'merry xmas' Betty
 
Isn't Twiggy looking good! Very Chanel. Antonio could have stayed home, though...age has not been as kind.

Merry Christmas to you and your Utility Room!
 
Ziggi - thank you. Same to you too Zig. *chinks glass*

FN - I think Antonio Banderas has been allowed to age whereas Twiggy hasn't. Happy holidays and all!
 
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