Saturday, May 19, 2007


Being a common person, I was stood in a long queue in a common person's shop yesterday. I was shocked, stunned and amazed to see that three of the women in front of me had pobs. This hairstyle is sweeping the nation. Well, the streets around where I live, and that's good enough for me.

The pob is the hairdo which seems to have been decreed fashionable about a year ago, but really took off when it appeared on the bonce of Victoria Beckham - trained dancer, former Spice Girl, social X-ray, **fashion designer**, wife of multi millionaire-but-well-past-his-best-but-why-should-he-care-when-he's-that-loaded footballer David Beckham and loving mother to Romeo, Alfa and Nissan Micra.

The hair is cropped in at the nape, and sweeps into a longer length at the front, with a few choppy bits to differentiate it from the sort of hairstyle created by Vidal Sassoon in the mid 1960's.

In the case of all the women I see wearing the new look, their formerly long, ironed hair, with the side parting and the stripey ash blonde, champagne and beige blonde highlights and toffee, honey, caramel, chestnut and bitter chocolate lowlights now looks more or less the same but shorn of length.

It looks as though a little hobgoblin gardener with a little hobgoblin gardener's lawnmower has run amuck in their hair overnight while they were sleeping.

In the worst cases, it also has the effect of making the wearer look like a medieval simpleton.

Oh dear.

Another post about bobs along shortly.

Back to the Atwood.

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The bloke standing behind Posh is looking away trying to disguise the fact that it is his gnarled and wizened medieval simpleton's hand on her shoulder.

PS Is the Atwood a rehab clinic?
Thank you for the update on ladies' fashions. With each word I find myself further in the "don't give a shit" camp.
It's a reverse mullet!
The bloke standing behind Posh is the puppet-master.
Murph - yes, you can tell that definitely is a medieval halfwit just out of shot. Well, he seems to have jug ears, and that's a start. I think I should be spending time in rehab. It might give me some good blogging material at the very least.

Vicus - funny, that's exactly what I think about cricket.

MJ - don't mention mullets. There are still a lot of Rod Stewart revival looks about, especially among teenagers around here. *shudder*

Istvanski - he looks bloody frightening. He has been lobotomised and drugged. She does that to all of her staff you know.
That Kim whatsername who thinks she's the new Karen McDonald has one.
5 years ago a poncy hairdresser talked me into having one. I came straight home and cut the sides off.
I could just have used the pudding basin in the first place.
Ooh, how could you do that? Don't you know that hairdressers are artists who create masterpieces, and to try to alter their work is an act of blasphemy?

That's probably what they think, anyway ...
What colour do they call that? The skin, not the hair.

Is it russet?
Dear Betty,

Get with the times, man (woman, sorry)! Although I speak from the Chrome-Dome end of the ground, I am sufficiently well informed about matters folicular to be able to tell you that what Vacuous Spice is sporting is, in fact, called "a Reverse Henry V"!
Look out for the St Thomas Aquinas Comb-Over. It will be all the rage next month, darling.
Tim - I'd really need to check the Ronseal all weather protection chart, but I think it could be burnished terracotta.

Reg - was it Henry V who said "uneasy lies the head that wears the crown"? I think it was more likely to be Henry IV actually, when he was covered in pustules and scabs and was on his death bed. That's going to be all the rage next month, according to Vogue, along with running sores and the Black Death.
my hairdresser threatened to cut off my shoulder length bob to a pob about a year ago. I held out and am I glad I did - don't what I WILL do with it next but at least the pob is off Vogue's radar at long last!

I have to say, I have scoured the latest issue of Vogue and find no reference to running sores or Black Death .... or was that last month?
Once again the people of Britain refuse to listen to me and insist on having rubbish hair.

Belle - why is it that so many hairdressers insist on inflicting certain hairstyles on people, regardless of whether they suit them/suit their hair type/whether they want the hairstyle or not? The references to the Black Death and running sores are in the special free Vogue supplement this month - "Disease As Lifestyle Statement. Pestilence Is The New Black".

Billy - I know, it was all quiffs and Brylcreem in your day. Mind you, I'd like to see Posh Spice modelling the psychobilly look ...
Nah! Henry V said "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more or close up these walls with our English dead", quickly following that up with "All right you smart arses, which of you has nicked my comb?"
She hasn't been munter of the week yet has she? Hmmmmmm......I wish she would just pob off! And David B looks like he's had a brush with a gastroenteritic seagull. They both look ridiculous. No doubt it will be their children next with half mullet rat-tails a la Germans on holiday style? Ugh.
Reg - ah, well, I only got up to Henry IV Part VIII in English Lit. That Falstaff was a one, wasn't he?

Rockmo' - must have been the Californian sunshine which has addled their brains even further. I can remember seeing a TV interview where David B. said "my wife is a very driven woman". Driven to what, exactly? She certainly drives a lot of us up the wall dear.
Brr, just the mere thought of having to know what sort of hairstyle is fashionable this week makes me feel very anxious. I tend to standardise on the 'distressed mop' look, and kid myself that it looks like Kylie's, circa 2002. It probably looks more like Kylie's, circa 1988.
Patroclus - I empathise. I don't do "directional" hairstyles. After all this time, I'm still waiting for it to be fashionable to have wavy hair at the front, curly hair at the sides and straight hair at the back at the same time ... and with a tendency for it to frizz at the slightest hint of rain.
sort of a Simon Magus hairdo in reverse. is she an irish monk now?
I have curly hair, perhaps that's why david beckham didn't marry me, I've often wondered.
FN - you clever people are very intimidating to a thickie like me. Thank the heck for Wikipedia is all I can say ... given that Posh seems to have a frugal diet (one steamed vegetable a week, probably), that would be her one concession to living like a monk.

Ziggi - you seem to be in possession of a personality, so that could be the reason. Footballers seem to end up marrying women who have absolutely no personality.
Stupid bloody woman, her mother must be proud. What did you do with your life? I invented a hairstyle that became quite popular. Oh, not a complete waste of oxygen then.
I still think that Becks should have married Sporty Spice!
Is it just me or doesn't that make more sense?
oh dear. 2007 is certainly shaping up to be Year of the Hairstyle. i am slightly afraid of people with Hairstyles. they intimidate me. i might go all survivalist and go and live in a shed in the woods until it all stops and people just have ponytails again.

[suckup] ta for the nomination btw. [/suckup]
Realdoc - ah, but she's given pleasure to millions with ... er ... her dancing in The Spice Girls! er, and her clothing range and ... er ...



*girl power*

HE - this is the thing, footballers never marry sporty women. Perhaps they don't like the idea of someone reflecting away from their sporting glory so they tend to fall for charisma free glamour modellles. They standard trophy wife, in other words.

Surly Girl - there's too much Very Shiny Hair about for my liking. It makes me bitter and jealous.

[double_suckup]that's okay re. the nomination. Hope the interview went okay.[/double-suckup]
There were 2 celeb mags next to each other on the racks t'other day, both with pictures of Posh. One said Posh was struggling to eat (and made her look guant) and the other said she was putting on weight! These days she's only famous for being famous.
Llewtrah - sounds like the "story" in the papers recently about Cate Blanchett. She was pictured at a film premiere apparently "prompting worry among onlookers" because she looked "shockingly gaunt". Lo and behold, there was a picture of her in the papers the next day ... "what a difference a day makes! Cate Blanchett looked radiant and healthy yesterday ...". Hmm. Weight Gain doesn't work that quickly, does it?
I think that I'd just have the hobgoblin gardener do it. It would be way cheaper than going to one of those swanky places to pay a lot of money for what's essentially a really bad haircut.
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