Wednesday, February 28, 2007


Well, it's a fair old time since I got a guest writer to do a post. This one is a bit unusual, in that it's actually a television programme in the form of a blog post. It's TOTP2, presented by guest writer and DJ Steve Wright. The good thing is - if you're not a music fan, but love Steve's zany voiceovers at the beginning of each song, there's not actually any music, but there are Steve's sidesplitting little descriptions of each well loved music act! Without further ado ...

"Hi! I'm Steve Wright, welcome to TOTP2, your weekly shot of new and old music from the TOTP archive! To kick off we've got New Order with Blue Monday. Incidentally, watch out for the guy on bass ... IT'S IAN BOTHAM!!!!!!!!"

"Right, on now to a firm favourite of me and and all of the smug ageing Radio 2 listeners, it's a song Amy Winehouse recently recorded in the TOTP studio for us. Love the song Amy, but what's with all the tattoos!!!!!!! And look at all that hair - she looks like she's been in a mistral!!!!!"

"Great track from Amy, let's move on now to Iran from A Flock Of Seagulls. The guy who's singing looks as if he's been in a mistral!!!!!! And what about the guy in glasses - IT'S TIMMY MALLET, ISN'T IT?????"

"If you thought that was weird, what about this - WEIRD AL YANKOVIC with Beat It? Incidentally, is he ME in a WIG??????? "

Weird Al!!!!!!!!!

"Right, thanks for watching, that's it for this week folks, but before we go here's a song that'll make you sit back and laugh at all the stupidly dressed so called "talented" bands you used to love when you were young. Face it, it was all a load of shouting, it was too loud, you couldn't tell what they were singing and they looked like a load of bloody girls, didn't they? Instead, here's some PROPER music where you can hear the words and they play their instruments properly and it's not too loud.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you COUNTING CROWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

(audience commits mass suicide)

(With thanks to CBQ who commented on Avenues And Alleyways, whose grumbling about Steve Wright "inspired" the post.)

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A classic of a post, Counting Crows, ha ha ha. The bloke with the long hair, looks like he's been in a mistral he's like a thin Meatloaf.
Ha ha ha! Outstanding post.

The thing is, Steve Wright somehow seems so blissfully unaware of how much he pisses people off. Nobody I know likes him... and yet the BBC feel compelled to employ him. I used to prefer Johnnie Walker doing TOTP2 - he was a lot more laid-back and laconic.

In the latter part of the 1980s, I had an after-school, part time job, behind the scenes in Littlewoods in Dunfermline. The radio was always on and always tuned to the "nation's favourite", Radio 1. Steve Wright (in the Afternoon), his ultra-tiresome (and incessantly clapping/cheering) "posse" and those grating supposed phonecalls to the studio from his "hilarious" alter-egos used to drive me and my mate insane. So much so that we got an iron bar, smashed fuck out of the radio and then threw it in the bin. It was a very cathartic experience.

Weekend shifts were no joy either.

Between 10 and 2, we'd be subjected to Dave Lee fucking Travis and his unbearable radio darts/snooker (I mean, for fuck's sake!). His choice of music was always less-than-inspired, usually from The Eagles, or solo "efforts" from members of The Eagles (I thought if I heard "The Heat Is On" or "New York Minute" one more time, I'd die from nausea - I was only 17/18 at the time!). If you were extra "lucky", he'd play something by ELO.

Then at 2pm, the moment every UK citizen would tune in for... Adrian Juste - some kind of sub-Kenny Everett wanabee. All "wacky" voiceovers, and his stupid "zany" voice edited into sound clips from classic shows such as "Monty Python", "Fawlty Towers" or "Blackadder" as though he imagined that this either a) improved the original, or b) implied that he too was some kind of comedy genius. What a dreary tosser.
Realdoc - how can you insult Counting Crows! They make qualideee music and you can really feel that the guy's singing from the heart (sez Steve Wright).

Sky - blimey, I hope that you've managed to get that off your chest for good and it doesn't trouble you anymore. I'm just glad that I worked in the kind of miserable offices where listening to the radio wasn't allowed.

Adrian Juste though ... what happened to that cunt? He seemed to had a job at Radio One for years, despite being a tenth rate Kenny Everett. Did anybody listen to him?

I've got a DLT dream post that I've drafted and will publish when I've run out of other ideas. Let that be a warning.
WOT NO Mike & The Mechanics!!!!
shame on you Bettster.
Lucky I missed Steve Wright's heyday, although if its anything like TOTP2 I'm pleased.

The only jobs I've had with radio accompanying me were washing-up jobs in various canteens. After several hours with your hands immersed in greasy water and Raio 1 blaring away next to your head it took a lot of willpower not to "accidentally" drop the radio into the sink.
It's the BBC treating the pop listening public like morons yet again. Why don't we have intelligent music-loving presenters like Stuart Maconie or Andrew Collins presenting TOTP2 and choosing the clips? Why do we have to have Wright and his shit dead from the feet up music tastes? Fucking old scrote.

I may complain about having Heart fm at work but I prefer Heart's bland radio presenters to the personalidee jocks of Radio 1's 80s. We should have smuggled John Peel out of Broadcasting House and blown the place up.
Lards - thing is, none of Mike And The Mechanics have hair which looks is if they've just been in a mistral, hence the non-appearance.

Billy - the problem with daytime pop radio is that the same five songs seem to get played about a hundred times a day. How do people put up with it? Have they got the mental abilities of toddlers, or what?

Geoff - I trust you've had another shite day at work and I'm going to hear all about it when you get home ...

Mind you, if Andrew Collins chose the clips on TOTP2 he'd probably end up just showing The Cure, who are only slightly better than Counting Crows.

*awaits abusive comments from angry goth contingent*

*... well, A Forest and The Walk are alright. I suppose*
'wuhooouuun fo sore o...two for wooooooe'

thanks. just, thanks.
*applies axehandle to self*
out earworm out! out out out!
FN - the best way to remove an earworm is by an application of a teaspoonful of ant killer powder to each ear. Unless it's a U2 song, in which case throwing yourself infront of a train is probably a better option.
Counting Crows?
Could be worse you know...

...Hootie and the Blowfish!!!

I'm staying out of this because I'm so very much older than most people here and, apart from Peel, I've never willingly listened to Radio 1 in my life so the 80s mean nothing to me. Hell, I got married and mortgage rates were at 84%, we couldn't afford a wireless. I have to admit that occasionally Steve Wright makes me laugh. There, I said it. But then, even Russel Brand has made me laugh as well recently. I don't much care for a huge amount of the playlist on daytime R2 but I still don't like talking over the runouts. I will always associate Ruby with Dinky Toys. I don't watch TOTP2. Shit, I'm so confused. People keep telling what I'm not allowed to like anymore. Mum! Quick, put Driver's Seat on again, I need to lay down.

I do remember Adrian Juste. Comments here exceedingly justified. I wonder if he's dead?
Istvanski - to be honest, I can't tell if Counting Crows are worse than Hootie And The Blowfish or vice versa. If ever I hear one of their songs announced on the radio or telly I immediately change channels.

Richard - "I don't like them" sed Ian in his blackout threads.
Betty, I've a feeling there's something I should recognise there but I've usually misheard everything for donkeys'. If you can come up with the mondegreen version I might have a chance
Ah, you should've ended the post in the style of S. Wright by name-checking some dreary comtempo soft rock/country cross-over band that he plays on his radio 2 show and that one else has ever heard of.

I missed the whole thing because my eldest daughter was using me as a trampoline, so I may have got the wrong end of the stick, but last week on TOTP2 did Wrighty confuse German singer Nena (who did 99 red balloons) with Nina Hagen...?
I was thinking of mentioning one of those endless soft rock/country acts that he loves, then realised that I can't remember the names of any of them. When they appear, it's usually time to click the off button or turn over.

I think there was something mentioned in the captions on screen about Nena being mistaken for Nina Hagen (or was it Nina out of Nina & Frederick?) but I wasn't concetrating much either.
You may be in danger of getting a "statificate of muppetry" Betty!

And how come he gets to be on every blinking day with smarmy love-songs at the weekend?
Murph - phew, good to have you back. Honestly, the *things* that have been going on around here ... anyway, I'm careful to avoid "Wrightey" on the radio as much as possible. Forget any "statificates" - if he wants to go head to head in a bare knuckle fight with me though, I'm up for it!
we decided last night that steve "i'm a cunt, me" wright is the new dennis norden. writing his own links, laughing at his own jokes, alienating a nation...

i quite like the counting crows. mind you, i AM a manic depressive.
Surly - "Steve Wright, alienating a nation". I bet they won't be using that as a jingle on his show, but they should.
God, I had totally forgotten about Adrian Juste...

I once went out with a bloke who REALLY liked the Counting Crowes. Yet another good reason for staying single forever, eh?
Um, well I ended up marrying a bloke who REALLY likes Bruce Springsteen, so you're probably right.

Then again, I forced him to "learn" to like Joy Division. They have to know who's in charge, after all.
I hope he repaid the favour by buying you a presentation box set of Yes albums.
You could always tell when I'd been working in the preparation room with the radio on. I'd retuned it to Radio 4! Mind you, at least you can't see those hairstyles on the radio ....
Llewtrah - I think I'd rather see the hairstyles on the television with the sound turned off, if I had the choice!
"the new Dennis Norden"...LOL!

I know someone who likes Counting Crows too. There must be thousands of 'em. Scary, innit.
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