Monday, November 03, 2008
THE BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAINS OF VIRGINIA
I nicked the idea for this post from Annie Slammers.
She informed us that teachers are apparently going to be forced to provide SEX education for primary school children. This is of course only right: teachers should be founts of all human knowledge and should be replacement parents as well as acknowledging the fact that they are always wrong and are entirely responsible if every child in Britain doesn't end up at Harvard or Oxford.
In the real world (ie., among human beings rather than politicians or shady members of think tanks) children learn about Where Babies Come From in a very random way, I would guess. Has it ever been any different?
At around the age of five I asked my mother why I ended up being born, and where I came from. She told me that I grew from a seed.
For the next couple of years I assumed I had been bought from a garden centre. I couldn't be bothered to ask any more questions.
I didn't find out the real and awful facts until I was about eight. A Ladybird book (The Perfectly Hideous Human Body And Its Many Malfunctions) gave me an idea of the miracle of birth and vaguely insinuated that some sort of ghastly change would take place in my mind and body within the next few years. I wasn't too frightened though - not yet, at any rate.
One of my friends probably considered herself more worldly wise than the rest of us. She asked me if I had heard about SEX and told me that a woman had a vajeena and a man had a pennis, but beyond that she was pretty vague, and couldn't tell us why this was important or relevant to SEX. A lot of sniggering was involved, though.
In the real world (ie., among human beings rather than politicians or shady members of think tanks) children learn about Where Babies Come From in a very random way, I would guess. Has it ever been any different?
At around the age of five I asked my mother why I ended up being born, and where I came from. She told me that I grew from a seed.
For the next couple of years I assumed I had been bought from a garden centre. I couldn't be bothered to ask any more questions.
I didn't find out the real and awful facts until I was about eight. A Ladybird book (The Perfectly Hideous Human Body And Its Many Malfunctions) gave me an idea of the miracle of birth and vaguely insinuated that some sort of ghastly change would take place in my mind and body within the next few years. I wasn't too frightened though - not yet, at any rate.
One of my friends probably considered herself more worldly wise than the rest of us. She asked me if I had heard about SEX and told me that a woman had a vajeena and a man had a pennis, but beyond that she was pretty vague, and couldn't tell us why this was important or relevant to SEX. A lot of sniggering was involved, though.
Every girl in my class had a massive and obsessive crush on Marc Bolan, but I'm not sure if any of them knew if he had a pennis or not and, if so, what he would be able to do with it.
We had a couple of *SEX education* lessons tagged on to a weekly class with a health visitor who wore long orange false nails and pretentious reading glasses on a chain. The first of the SEX education lessons described the way wasps created a new generation of wasps. The next class told us how babies grew inside a laydeee.
After that, we were on our own. I casually mentioned after the second class to my mother that I knew what periods were, but it was okay, as I wasn't planning to start mine until I was fifteen because they sounded horrible and painful.
My mother decided there and then to tell me the truth and nothing but the truth.
We had a couple of *SEX education* lessons tagged on to a weekly class with a health visitor who wore long orange false nails and pretentious reading glasses on a chain. The first of the SEX education lessons described the way wasps created a new generation of wasps. The next class told us how babies grew inside a laydeee.
After that, we were on our own. I casually mentioned after the second class to my mother that I knew what periods were, but it was okay, as I wasn't planning to start mine until I was fifteen because they sounded horrible and painful.
My mother decided there and then to tell me the truth and nothing but the truth.
Why I wouldn't have any say in when my periods start and yes, they were absolutely horrible.
How I SHOULD NOT GET PREGNANT AT ANY COST UNLESS I WAS MARRIED OR MY PARENTS WOULD BLOODY WELL MURDER ME, AFTER THEY HAD DISOWNED ME.
How people make babies by ... shudder ... GETTING NAKED TOGETHER.
The whole thing upset me so much that I cried for two and a half hours.
A couple of years later, I chanced upon a book my parents had called Love Without Fear, written by one Dr Eustace Chesser. My dad had told me that this book was considered "controversial" at the time of its publication because the author advised (married) couples to use contraceptives.
Still, it gave me an informed view of SEX compared to everything I'd heard or read before. Indeed, I wasn't afraid or frightened of SEX now - it just sounded boring. Well, the bits of the book I could understand, at any rate.
I'm sure that Mr (Mrs?) Chesser suggested that the best SEXUAL position was "half seated, supine therewithal". How many (married) couples followed this advice?
Masturbation could apparently be avoided by following a low salt diet and by not using "the old fashioned type of sewing machine".
A woman, apparently, wants to be "taken on her wedding night."
"Even a woman who wears a shoulder baring gown at a party will be afraid of being seen naked by her husband for the first time."
"To the virgin bride, the erect male penis will seem ENORMOUS!."
Okay, cancel the bit about not being frightened any more.
My secondary school decided not to give us any further SEX education until we were shown a fairly uninformative film when we were thirteen.
The whole thing upset me so much that I cried for two and a half hours.
A couple of years later, I chanced upon a book my parents had called Love Without Fear, written by one Dr Eustace Chesser. My dad had told me that this book was considered "controversial" at the time of its publication because the author advised (married) couples to use contraceptives.
Still, it gave me an informed view of SEX compared to everything I'd heard or read before. Indeed, I wasn't afraid or frightened of SEX now - it just sounded boring. Well, the bits of the book I could understand, at any rate.
I'm sure that Mr (Mrs?) Chesser suggested that the best SEXUAL position was "half seated, supine therewithal". How many (married) couples followed this advice?
Masturbation could apparently be avoided by following a low salt diet and by not using "the old fashioned type of sewing machine".
A woman, apparently, wants to be "taken on her wedding night."
"Even a woman who wears a shoulder baring gown at a party will be afraid of being seen naked by her husband for the first time."
"To the virgin bride, the erect male penis will seem ENORMOUS!."
Okay, cancel the bit about not being frightened any more.
My secondary school decided not to give us any further SEX education until we were shown a fairly uninformative film when we were thirteen.
Everyone in our year was gathered in the assembly hall. I was pretty blase about the whole thing, but there still seemed to be a few kids who were shocked by the grisly truth.
One kid started crying. On seeing a sketchy but clinical diagram of a pennis being inserted into a vajeena, two kids fainted.
The people who work for government think tanks should really take this approach. Want to reduce teenage pregnancies? Look at the way it worked in the 1970's. Those films put kids off SEX for a few years at least.
If they managed to get hold of a copy of The Joy Of SEX - or, indeed, Love Without Fear, it would put them off SEX for life.
Result!
One kid started crying. On seeing a sketchy but clinical diagram of a pennis being inserted into a vajeena, two kids fainted.
The people who work for government think tanks should really take this approach. Want to reduce teenage pregnancies? Look at the way it worked in the 1970's. Those films put kids off SEX for a few years at least.
If they managed to get hold of a copy of The Joy Of SEX - or, indeed, Love Without Fear, it would put them off SEX for life.
Result!
Labels: Dr Eustace Chesser, fear, sex education, teachers having to be replacement parents
