Friday, May 20, 2011


After weeks of crisis talks, an announcement has been made about the future of ITV's heavily criticised breakfast show Daybreak.

Since its launch last year, much has been said about the show's falling viewing figures.

Viewers have failed to warm to presenters Christine Bleakley and Adrian Chiles in the way that they have in the past with televisual giants such as Fiona Phillips, Andrew Castle and Anthea Turner.

It seems that ITV took a risk in choosing two presenters who didn't have bleached hair and - as has been pointed out many times - by allowing someone from the West Midlands to appear on TV before ten o'clock in the morning.

Chiles and Bleakley "weird, incoherent chemistry"

However, if viewers have been confused by the "outside the box" presence of Bleakley and Chiles on their screens, they will be even more confused by the announcement of the two new presenters who will take over from the pair in a few weeks - former West Ham United manager Avram Grant and BBC international correspondent Orla Guerin.

Grant and Guerin "sallow but somehow real"

The pair - not exactly known for their sparkling repartee or bubbly natures - have been chosen to "reflect the times we're living in" according to a source at ITV.

"People think that Daybreak viewers are just moronic breastfeeding nineteen year olds who can barely string a sentence together. Well - I've got news for them. Life is hard and then you die. When people switch on the telly first thing and see Avram and Orla staring back at them - that's how most people look first thing in the morning and that's how most people are - ashen faced, cadaverous and aware of the suffering around them. Most people don't give a fuck about Christian Louboutin shoeboots or Pippa Middleton's arse and it's about time that breakfast television started to represent THE PEOPLE."

The perky Daybreak set is to be replaced by eery shifting purple and crimson lighting and a montage of human bones rolling in the background. The main theme music will be a track from the first Swans album.

Adrian Chiles will be appearing as a judge on the next series of Ukraine's Got Talent.

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