Monday, August 10, 2009


Tonight I'm honouring the fact that The Kremlin have been trying to break down the internet. Monday nite's dreamboat is gorge man-of-action Russian Prime Minister ( ... or "USSR Preeeemiere" if you are an American) Vladimir Putin!

The images of Vlad fishing, leaning against trees and straddling a big old hoss with his utterly masculine thighs, tiny nipples boyishly alert, are certainly very arresting.

Indeed, I've been thinking about Vladimir riding on horseback through a meadow in slow motion, accompanied by a soundtrack of this song ...

... for about half an hour every night. At the end of the fantasy I feel flushed, exhilarated and ready to fall into a deep, deep slumber.

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Do you have similar fantasies about Andrew Marr? He bears an uncanny resemblance to Putin.

As does Dobby the house elf in the Harry potter films.
Didn't Putin kill a bear with his bear hands (no pun intended) or something?
I haven't seen you get quite THIS excited since Bill Werbeniuk (may he rest in peace) bared his breasts.
And some people thought that was a fishing rod!
Berlusconi does something similar, but from the waist down.
It's like Brokeback Mountain but without movie stars.
That poor horse looks embarrassed.
Putin it about.
This is who he thinks he looks like.
this makes me see Geoff in a completely different light...
Most of my Russian oligarch fantasies feature Yeltsin.
What on earth were we thinking, imagining that the Russians could ever be anything like us?
He ought to be singing "I was Born Under a Wanderin' Star"...
"It's like Brokeback Mountain"...yes, but instead of two guys, it's about one man's love for himself.
Putin appears from the first photo to be possessed of a rather unusual looking penis, doesn't he? Reminiscent of a Dan Dare-era sci-fi weapon...no inhibitions about fondling it in the great outdoors either, it would seem...

No accounting for taste, I suppose Bettster. I can't bear to imagine the chaffing...but, it has an acceptable girth, I suppose....



w.v.: tabilych. (Wasn't he head of the Comintern?)
Oh my word. Unfortunately I can understand where your coming from.
I'll shut up.
Garfer - Andrew Marr is a bit like an over enthusiastic puppy dog, whereas Vladimir has that cruel, enigmatic quality that women luv.

Billy - how would you kill a bear with bare hands? Do a karate between its eyes? You certainly couldn't strangle it, even if you had the hand span of a goalkeeper ...

MJ - well, I've finally *moved on* from Bill. I know he's only been dead for six years, but a girl has got to live her life, hasn't she?

Rog - he's anglin' for attention.

Tim Footman - I don't even want to think about that, or Berlusconi and his hoardes of eighteen year old "friends" calling him grandpappy or whatever it was. Ugh.

Boz - ha ha, so it is! I wonder if Alexander Putin can see how ridiculous it all looks? He doesn't seem to be a man with a sense of humour, but you never know ...

Eroswings - I know. At last, another use for the "why the long face?" joke.
Geoff - Putin on his cowboy hat.

Rog - hasn't he already been in a James Bond film?

Ziggy - I hope so. I aim to please :D

Ellie - yeah, he seemed so *haunted*, what with the drink problem. It's a bit of a turn on thinking that I could have saved him if I'd only met him in time ... er ... anyway ...

Hesspartacus - I don't want us all to be the same, mainly because I don't want Gordon Brown to do exactly the same photoshoot.

I am not Kek - the horse looks more like Lee Marvin in that role though.

Morton - well, you know what those Russians are like with their concealed weapons and the like. As for your other comment, well, sometimes girth is important and sometimes length is (see next Dear Deirdre column in The Sun, if it's still going).

Scarlet - yeah, advancing years bring on the disturbing fantasies. All of mine are soundtracked by that song by The Congregation too!
When I eventually lose contact with reality I want my living will to emphatically state that I must be paraded about half-nekkid and photographed for future generations to enjoy in perpetuity.

I look forward to the blissful ignorance that will shelter my once timid soul from the stark realisation that I look like a complete asshole.

Yes, the rightful shame and self loathing that would have once crushed my spirit like a tiny baby bird fallen from a nest, will now be swept under a cloudy carpet of cognitive dissonance, self medication and deception.

Denial, where is thy sting?
hello betty,

there's a *really* creepy bit in that video at 1:53 with what looks like a beardy man cuddling up to a slightly frightened looking 12 year old boy....

Ah, the 1970s, before paedophilia was bad..
Donn Earthling - I would advise you to leave a legacy for future generations by posing for a twenty foot bronze statue of yourself, nekkid as the day you were born, on your eightieth birthday, then donating it to a local museum so that everyone can see you in all of your glory. De Nile is a river in Egypt.

Spinny - I'm pretty sure the clip is from German TV. In fact, seventies German TV has all the best pop stuff, especially The Beat Club. Loads of seedy looking middle aged blokes with beards sitting around eating scampi-in-a-basket and completely ignoring the miming bands on stage. The audience had probably just finished recording a porno and would have been *exhausted* I suppose.
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