Thursday, July 23, 2009


At the weekend I was reading about some posh bint who lived in a *rustic idyll* in a windswept outpost in the far, far west in the way that poshoes do, because they don't want to mingle with the hoi polloi or have contact with anything modern and therefore vulgar. Complaints were voiced about a power surge causing problems.

"Well, if you lived anywhere near to civilisation you would have an electricity supply that actually works. Still, that would be too easy, eh?" I thought.

Lo and behold - a day later our power went off - for around ten hours.

Obviously, God must have been carrying out revenge on me, and God is a poshoe. He was probably easing himself into a flowery Cath Kidston frock and waiting patiently for a bowl of soup to *heat through* for a couple of days on the Aga when He decided to blight ME with the inconvenience of not having TV or computer access and laying waste to food in the fridge (boo hoo).

Actually, we were very very lucky compared to the majority of people in Darford, Crayford, Erith and Orpington who were without power for a further couple of days. Because we live near to a fire station we were on a constant generator supply.

Obviously, these days most people are heavily reliant on electricity for most aspects of life, which would suggest that in the event of a power failure there would be some contingency plan in place.

Not so judging by the way the (privately run) company EDF have dealt with the problem.

Updates on the situation on the phone have been vague or - if you want more detail - online ... which means you have to have access to a power supply. Hmm ...

The fault occurred because vandals (or more likely, criminals who knew what they were doing) tampered with the locks on security gates at both ends of a power bridge. In other words - there wasn't really any sort of security, was there?

Ah well, if you were to attempt to steal a £1 t-shirt from Primark you would be wrestled to the ground by a burly security guard. If you attempt to have access to a prime source of power for 100,000 properties in a large area of Kent/Greater London then you can do so without being apprehended or fear of being caught. Such are the priorities of modern life.

Sigh, whatever happened to that good, old fashioned electricity that used to FRY KIDDIES ALIVE, eh? Them was the days ...

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No. No! NO!!

I thought i had escaped that public information film FOREVER. Made me petrified of frisbees for most of my childhood.

The jacket! On the bannisters! AARRRGGHHH!

The idea of God in some hideous KK stuff is brilliant, though. 4x4 parked outside..
Thank goodness for steam-powered internet is all I can say. Works every time. Mind you knackers computers at a fair old rate.

Out here in the Countryside the overhead power is as...........
oh was it about me?!
Although out here in the west countryside our power is fine ta. It must have been westier and poshier.
That was really scary that public information film - mind you - most of them were. I was fascinated with pylons growing up and always thought it would be fun to climb one - until I saw that film...
"Kids and water, eh?"

Rolf...erm, I mean Mort

w.v: forke (of lightning??)
I wondered if the black out was part of a cunning plot to rob a bank... or Asda.
J I M M Y !

Crikey, Darwinian Laws are equally likely to reward risk-takers and yet poor Jimmy had his internal organs boiled.

Why in only a few short years Jimmy's natural proclivity to be enslaved by his gonads and willingness to throw caution to the wind in order to impress a girl, would have paved the way for him to have enjoyed untold hours of carnal pleasure mucking about in her swimsuit area.

It's just not fair.
pretend-sad bollocks.

the only place I've ever seen that needed an electricity substation that big was in Essex. And come on, would any of us miss it if all of Essex disappeared tomorrow?
christ that advert brings back memorys
"And come on, would any of us miss it if all of Essex disappeared tomorrow?"

So you'd be able to sleep easy knowing Kate "Katie" Silverton was a homeless then Spinny?



wv: bligon - let them be bligons, I say...
Boz - the terrifying Jacket On The Bannister is a masterstroke worthy of Alfred Hitchcock, isn't it? If that film put a generation of children off playing with frisbees, it had to have done some good.

Laura - I run my laptop with a chicken manure powered generator. The energy source of the future, if I say so myself.

Rog - Jimmy wasn't really a name that was popular in that generation. That kid (gawd rest 'im) would've been about forty now and you don't get many forty year olds called Jimmy.

Ziggy - you can't be a real posho because you don't have power failure every couple of days. Also, real poshoes wouldn't use the internet. It's too "modern".

Rockmother - I quite like pylons and substations. I wonder why birds that land on pylons and overhead cables never seem to end up being electrocuted, but kiddies in public information films do?
Morton - I'd never trust Rolf Harris around children. Kids, electricity, water and Rolf Harris - now there's a lethal combination.

Scarlet - there isn't an Asda in Dartford. In fact, there's a Waitrose there now, I've just been informed. Slowly we're being engulfed by the middle classes!

Donn - problem is, Jimmy wasn't combining the use of his risk-taking instincts with using his grey matter. If he'd worn rubber gloves and wellies to earth himself he might have survived to retrieve the
frisbee, but he was too stupid to think of that.

Spinsterella - now hold on a minute, there are posters at Stansted Airport which inform you that Essex is "The Gateway To Paradise" or something along those lines. Have you never holidayed on Canvey Island?

Lom - reminds me of getting free periods from school and revising for mock exams or something like that (it's from 1979 apparently so that sounds about right even though my memory is not usually very reliable).

Morton - Kate Silverton freaks me out. I imagine she becomes really obsessive about men and that, one day, she will machete some unfortunate bloke.
I want a Cath Kidson Aga.
That clip took me back and reminded me of the 'Charlie says' infomercials of which The Prodigy savagely kidnapped for a song.
Kaz - I want a floral print Cath Kidston Aga!

Istvanski - I'm surprised that public information films weren't more of an influence on a certain generation of bands. They must've terrified the fuck out of a lot of kids.
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