Friday, May 01, 2009


In acknowledgement of the fact that Simon Amstell has announced that he's quitting Never Mind The Buzzcocks, this is Simon *being embarrassed* by footage of his early appearance on GMTV:

As you can see, Simon's biggest misfortune is that his parents have obviously forced him to wear a bow tie.  Parents who force children to wear bow ties should receive some sort of intervention from Social Services.

I remember a child with a bow tie who took to the stage at the School Christmas Do From 1975.  He was very short for his age and wore wire glasses.  I don't know if he went on to be a minor player in the Cambridge Footlights or had writing credits for one of Radio Four's *hilarious* topical comedy shows.

I can only remember two of the acts on stage at the School Christmas Do From 1975.  The first one was a cockernee musical number from My Fair Lady feat. Elizab**h Something Or Other, who had been on the kiddies' talent show Junior Showtime, and was therefore considered to be really stuck up and conceited.  The second one was the kid in the bow tie.

He told some jokes that seemed to be from the 1930's, and nobody laughed.  He concluded with a joke about WC Fields.

Corsage: model's own

A twelve year old child who tells a joke about WC Fields to a load of 1970's kids from the West Midlands.  Most other kids of that age were obsessed with the Bay City Rollers or Bruce Lee.  He must have had very old parents who lived in a dusty old mansion on a hill and they had dusty old reel to reel films that they insisted on showing him so that he wouldn't be tarnished by modern culture.  Nothing wrong with that, I suppose, but ... they made him wear a bow tie at the School Christmas Do From 1975.

"I'd like to finish tonight (nb: it was 2.30 in the afternoon) with a joke from that well known Philadelphia hater WC Fields.  WC Fields once held a competition and announced ( ... cue poor impersonation of WCF ... ) "The first prize for the winner is a week in Philadelphia!  The second prize is two weeks in Philadelphia!  The third prize is three weeks in Philadelphia!"


eerie silence



"Thank you, and good night."

He left the stage, drowning in an ocean of tumbleweed.

I wonder if he still wears bow ties, and still lives with his parents?

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But what of our Mr. Coppens who, as you can see, wears a bowtie voluntarily?
That footage explains everything. Simon has thrived on embarrassment ever since.
Damnit I KNEW that MJ was going to bring that up! Oh well, that will fashion faux pas will be my Bjork-Goose outfit... hanging around my neck forever!
*enters shame spiral
Who was that funny looking maths genius boy that wore a boy tie and velvet smoking jacket? He had funny puckish eyes and boiled looking curly blond hair. He is now a she.
RoMo: James Harries, now known as Lauren. The thing is, she's the least dysfunctional one in her family...
I always get that 'funny looking maths genius boy that wore a boy tie and velvet smoking jacket' mixed up with William Hague at the Tory Party conference in the 70s.
I don't suppose Will was wearing a bow tie - but he should have been.
I saw a grown man with a bow tie running for the 94 bus earlier in the week.

He made it.
MJ - that's too floppy to be a proper bow tie, isn't it? Or should I say "too flaccid" just for the oo-er missus factor?

Rog - it's probably why he tries to embarrass everyone who's famous that he's ever interviewed - a form of revenge for the cruelty he suffered as a child.

Donn - you can't hide behind a pseudonym you know. Luckily, my fashion disasters (such as the outfit I'm wearing today) haven't been seen on line, because I never have my picture taken. Cameras steal your soul, man.

RoMo - there was a bit of a hoo hah about him being a transexual a few years ago, wasn't there? Then s(h)e disappeared again.

Tim - poor sod. Child geniuses rarely have a happy time of it, do they?

Kaz - I know get the maths genius boy mixed up with the fashion plate kiddie Arlo thingummy - http://men.style.com/gq/features/landing?id=content_8377

Billy - if he'd been wearing a revolving bow tie he would have been able to fly home.
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