Tuesday, March 17, 2009


When I first moved down to *The Smoke* I used to walk around the streets for hours.  In fact, even when I used to live in Backwards Staffordshire, I used to walk around for hours as a form of therapy and to kid myself into thinking that I was on a voyage of discovery.  

However, at least Backwards Staffordshire was more picturesque so I could walk on the outskirts of woods or around hills overlooking countryside.  The bit of South London I live in now is pretty dreary and devoid of character and some bits of it are slightly dodgy so ... I've given up walking around and started blogging as a form of therapy instead.  By rights, I should now weigh fifty stone.

One of my first voyages of discovery was to Netto in Cr*** L** (the name of the area has been hidden to protect the innocent).  

I'd just got a leaflet through the post proclaiming a sale at Netto, and it seemed like a whole new supermarket experience to me.

Netto seemed to exclusively sell products from the 1950's.  These included Goblin Meat Pudding, which I've never eaten:

and tins of pease pudding, which I've since tried, and is probably the most unpleasant foodstuff on the face of the earth.  Still, it seems to be liked by lovable Londoners, who also appreciate such culinary delights as jellied eels, pie, mash and liquor (I think it's some sort of green gravy), whelks, mussels and boiled beef.  This is pease pudding in its full glory:

Don't you think that the picture is very alluring?  I can see it on the side of a tin accompanied by the words "serving suggestion".

I imagined the meat counter at Netto would've displayed all those obscure but economical meat cuts that women in big tweed sack coats and headscarves would've asked for to put in a stew or a pie - best bit of back, brisket, gall bladder and cow hoof, that sort of thing.

So, the next day, in a state of high excitement, I headed off on the long pilgrimage to Netto in Cr*** L**.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find the entrance to the shop.  There were shutters on the front doors.  It must've been somewhere to the rear, but after several minutes of trying to walk around the back of the shop I couldn't locate it.  

Had I walked into another dimension, or was Netto just a mirage, a part of my fevered imagination? Was Netto REALLY from the 1950's, but had it been shut down and demolished in 1962 - had I seen a glimpse of a GHOSTLY NETTO???

I never found out, but I was very disappointed, having walked for about half an hour :(

Still, it seems I had a lucky escape.  A few weeks later, I was sat in a pub called The Y**** when a conversation took place at the next table.

Bloke no. 1:  "Have you ever seen that old dragon who works in Netto?"

Bloke no. 2:  "No."

Bloke no. 1:  "She goes around accusing people of switching the labels round on tins of food. 
She really shouted at me the other day and almost made me go up to the manager's office."

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I've had a tin of Grant's haggis in my pantry for two years.

The sell-by date is Oct.2009.

Should I open it or could it be possessed by goblins?

Please advise.
My Mum is an Eastender and her eyes light up at the mention of tripe...
Netto is indeed a disturbing place but it has nothing on Farm Foods.
Here on the west coast of the USA we have quite a large Vietnamese population and to walk into their stores is literally to walk into the "old country". All manner of beast is hanging in the windows with buckets of creepy, slimy critters waiting to bite your hand if you get within reach.
You used to be able to buy tins of Irish stew (probably still on sale at Netto) that guaranteed 'no gristle'.

It may not have contained gristle, but it was still a foul disgusting slop.

I'm off to Iceland to but some frozen economy pork sausages. Apparently they contain a minimum of 10% pig foreskin and eyelid, which is reassuring.
Goblin meat puddings! I used to love them when I was about seven years old; you just put the can in boiling water for a few minutes. Looks like they've redesigned the packaging to make it all blobjecty though.
You once mentioned those meat puddings in my comments box and I still get searches.
Between us we're probably keeping Mr Goblin and his tea's maid in business.
Tinned Pies and very good quality wines at bargain prices - the sooner they open up in Norfolk the better.

I once drove an Australian past Crook Log Car Sales and he thought it was very funny and a centre for hot wheels.
Is there such a thing as Goblin Sausage?

Aplogies... it's taken me far too long to think of that...
*sp. Apologies
My parents had a tin of Pease Pudding in the cupboard for about 15 years, it moved house with us and became a family joke like a future heirloom....that was until my brother threw it onto the A45, why I do not know. Maybe he saw it as a threat to his only son status.
MJ - if I was you I'd call a bomb diffusion expert as soon as possible and get everyone in a five mile radius to find alternative accommodation for the night, then leave the rest to the experts.

Scarlet - I remember seeing tripe in butcher's windows and thinking it was creepy and unnatural.

Billy - I still have bad memories of a supermarket called Krazy Kuts that I used to go to with my mum when I was little ... *shudder*

Chris - meat tends to be shrink wrapped and not very meat-like in supermarkets these days, doesn't it? I suppose most of us have lost touch with the idea of "where meat comes from" ...

Garfer - avoid the Iceleand pork sausages. They contain gristle, suet and blubber from Kerry Katona's recent fat removal surgery. Probably keeps you warm though.

Tim - yeah, it looks as if a seven year old was used as a design consultant for the Goblin meat pudding packaging actually.

Kaz - was Mr Goblin behind the teas maids AND the meat puddings? Incredible. I didn't know that. I wonder if he was responsible for any other products.

Rog - coming all the way from Australia and ending up in Crook Log. It must've been a very humbling experience for him. I hope he partook of the facilities at Crook Log Leisure Centre.

Scarlet - ooer, missus. I certainly hope not. What about Goblin salami? Fancy Goblin something that big ... er ... missus.

Inwardly - your brother did a good thing. Pease pudding is evil in food form. Even if it was a cry for help and a way of getting attention - he did a good thing.
Goblin Meat Puddings - like a radioactive mini Mr Blobby - I think I ate them as a child at my Nana's. Manually evacuated spinal cord, lips'n'arseholes no doubt. You can still see the can indentations on that pease pudding can't you? I want to go to Netto - googling postcode and Netto as I write.
Hurray - there is one 3 miles from me - I'm off on a day out to Netto when I get the chance.
Inwardly - I love that your brother threw it onto the A45, specifically. Did he go out of his way to throw it there or was it the nearest available A-road? Did he have to smuggle it out of the house? Or did it always accompany the family on day trips?? I need to know more.
RoMo - I think I had a lucky escape because I couldn't get into Netto. Approach with caution and make sure you have full insurance cover, a good lawyer and perhaps a bodyguard just to be on the safe side.

Beth - I'd like to know further details too.
I didn't even know that Goblins were real?

Personally I would be slightly concerned about eating food that was canned in the 50s.

In Canada our favorite mystery meat is called Klik..I should check the label to see if there may be traces of Goblin.
They should have a slogan like:

"Just gobblin' a Goblin".
Donn - Benny Hill once procured a consignment of tins of (I think) ham that was found on a boat that sunk during WW2. He was always on the lookout for a freebie but that was taking things too far.

RoMo - I think they should have a picture of an evil hobgoblin on the tins (an arch enemy of the Jolly Green Giant, perhaps).
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