Saturday, September 27, 2008


Gratuitous image (1) ... mmm!

It's been widely reported that David Blaine's most recent stunt was a huge disappointment to people who have an overwhelming urge to see a man hanging upside down for sixty hours continuously. Apparently onlookers were angry that he took breaks to "go to the bathroom".  Millions of Americans have vented their rage at this "Un-American" behaviour and there have been calls for his imprisonment, castration, exile to Cuba, or for him to be tried before The Committee That Reviews Un-American Behaviour.  A private army has been planning his assassination.  Sarah Palin has spontaneously combusted.

David has wisely decided to keep a low profile, and will be flying over to the other side of the pond. 

The good news for British fans is that he will be touring Northern England next summer and will be showcasing some of his famous death defying stunts!

These will include:

*SITTING on a child's high chair in the parking bay outside the Mansfield Travelodge between the hours of dusk and dawn every night during the month of June.  Expect something surprising to happen on summer solstice night ... IF you believe in the power of dreams!!!

*DRIVING around the endless spiralling road leading to Ferrybridge motorway service station in Yorkshire in a golf cart for two days (except for toilet breaks) while listening to The Windmills Of Your Mind on a continuous loop ...

"Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel"

*LYING in a bath full of cold baked beans for 24 hours to raise money for a kiddies hospital at the annual Round Table August Bank Holiday Fayre in Ambleside.

Non-gratuitous Dibley ... "eeeeeeh"

... and perhaps most sensationally ...

*HANGING from the belfry of Swinnerton Parish Church, Staffordshire on a few yards of elastic dressed as Dawn French in The Vicar Of Dibley (bobby wig, hideous baggy fair isle jumper, etc.) while giant screens show every episode of The Vicar Of Dibley back to back.  Viewers should be forewarned that there will be toilet breaks.

Gratuitous image (2) ... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Something for everyone then!  

... but only IF you believe in the power of dreams!  Do you?  No, honestly ... DO YOU?

Footnote: I don't feel that I can offer an objective opinion on David Blaine's stunts for the simple reason that I would like to give him a good seeing to.  It must be the "just recovering from severe concussion" demeanour.  I'm a sucker for that.

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Oh dear, you've definitely been at the magic mushrooms this time.

David should have a go at persuading Gordon Brown that he is a useless numptie.
HAHAHA! You're hilarious.

I like watching him levitate and do fancy-schmancy card tricks but I could give a rat's ass if he hangs upside down or in a block of ice for a couple of days..

His public stunts are disturbingly Masochist I wouldn't call it Magic?
he's sort of a Masogicianist?
Surely he can’t hold a candle to Roger Daltrey when it comes to lying in a bath full of cold beans.
Betty you have definately been on something if David Blaine floats your boat. Maybe his lovemaking is like his stunts.....goes on for 67 hours, toilet breaks or not, now that's magic!
Not using the word "gitwizard" [(c) Marcus Brigstocke] when discussing David Blaine contravenes the Writing About Mental Self-Publicists Act 2006. The penalty doesn't bear thinking about.
Garfer - hey man, Gordon Brown should take some magic mushrooms, the guy is so uptight man. Maybe then he'd realise that we should get the troops out of Vietnam. Hold on ... that can't be right ...

Donn - I'm not really bothered about him hanging upside down. The card tricks are quite entertaining. I like him as eye candy ... those eyes ... that voice ... hmm, I'm a very very shallow person.

Realdoc - fair enough, so I happen to like making lerve for 67 hours, even if David's harness gets in the way and the catheter tube causes a few problems. It's *so* worth it.

Tim - I'm willing to pay the penalty, up to a point. Anyway, this is a blog so I think I could get away with it, unless I'm linked to by a national newspaper (very unlikely). Isn't Gitwizard Roy Wood's middle name?
MJ - there seems to be a tradition over here for people to sit in baths full of baked beans to raise money for charity - didn't it feature in a Corrie storyline at some point? Having thought about it, was Roger Daltrey the first person to sit in a bath full of baked beans, kicking off the whole trend?
Why does he need a bath Betty?
Surely he can't get very dirty hanging upside down.
I'd like for someone to give him a good seeing to Betty, but I don't think I'm using the phrase in the same context as you.
That was Les Battersby; the Corrie character I'd least like to join in a tub of baked beans.
I thought this post was going to be about the Lovin' Spoonful.

Perhaps it was.
Kaz - I'd make sure he got very dirty hanging upside down. Fnaar fnaar.

Beth - honestly, you northerners and your "natural justice"! Always spoiling for a fight a closing time! I'm really glad that I live in the south where everyone drinks camomile tea and goes to pilates classes. Sooo much more civilised my dear.

MJ - I wouldn't want to join any of the cast of Coronation Street in a bath full of baked beans. No, not even Liam. Cold baked beans - eurgghh!

Murph - ooh, missus. Did you know that there are thirteen hundred and fifty two guitar pickers in Nashville?
I too bask in the glory that is Blaine, in a purely sexual way obviously, he can slow drawl over me and levitate round the front lawn any day of the week.
Magicians. Always hanging around doing nothing and taking the piss.
Inwardly - phew, I'm relieved, I thought it was just me (it usually is). He could slowly drawl over me and levitate round my front lawn as well. Don't think I'd like him to slowly drool over me though.

Boz - "hanging around doing nothing and taking the piss". Sounds like a great way to make a living to me - or like being back at school.
I resent him calling this bollocks magic. Pull a rabbit out of a fucking hat, you dick. I can't believe you fancy him. It's enough to make a single man give up entirely.

That said, I fancy lots of people that make my friends despair (Kelly O, Katy Perry, Jodie Kidd, Lindsay from B*witched) My argument always being "Yeah... but she is quite fit though, innit?"
be advised, betty...he's done Britney Spears. he should have stuck to hanging upside down covered in baked beans...magic generally doesn't raise a herpes on the corner of the mouth.
Del - he does some good card tricks. That's all I want from a man. Anyway, Katy Perry is one of those women who other women despise and find highly irritating, but men fancy, rather like Kelly Brook.

FN - he's "done" Britney Spears, as in reading her tarot? Maybe he has, but we've all seen what she's got, so it can't have been for the thrill of the chase, can it? Perhaps it tipped him over the edge. That's why he has to hang upside down and immerse himself in blocks of ice. It's a death wish.
I find Blaine a bit sloth-like. Why couldn't he just take a leaf out of Amy's book and wear incontinence pants - then he could have not bothered for those tiresome 'bathroom' breaks.
RoMo - I think there could be a leakage problem with incontinence pants, especially as he was hanging upside down. Not that I have any insider knowledge or am an expert on nappies. Bloody hell.
No but I do believe in life after love. And fairies.
Boz - you want to know what I believe in Boz? Mansuetude. That's all - mansuetude.
What about Mindfreak's Criss Angel..
would you like to see him 'levitate' something?
Donn - I'm not really familiar with Criss Angel's body of work to be honest. I tried to look at his site but it's very noisy and my other half is still asleep, so no go there. According to Wikipedia he likes to levitate above hotels. Don't we all? I managed to float over the roof of the Dagenham Travelodge once, but I don't make a fuss about it!
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