Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I'm leaving on a jet plane.

Don't know when I'll be back again.

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Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us. If you are calling regarding the fact that bloglines has blacklisted you due to Lily Allen references, then please rest assured that our team of engineers are working on it 24/7 including Sundays.

In the meantime, have a nice break. Can you fly from Digbeth Coach Station now?
Hey! Your post came up on Google Reader. I like your blog. I have linked to you. Happy holiday!
Your girlfriend's teeth will rattle disturbingly when you unleash your gargantuan equipment.
Dear Betty,
The credenza in our lounge would go really nicely with a pair of ornamental burros bearing hand-woven panniers. If you get a mo.
Will Geoff be quoting lines from the movie "Airplane" as you fly through the skies?
apparently having a algae sodden pond like what I do, offsets any number of carbon footprints. When I look at it and fail to see the fish I shall be happy in the knowledge that you and him are flying somewhere lovely for a well earned break and with no additional damage at all to the environment.

No, no no need to thank me.
Murph - I wasn't even given an assurance that the problem was being worked on twenty four/seven. Bloglines don't reply to e-mails! As for Digbeth Station - yes, there are flights taking off from there since the improvements. We're jetting off to Halesowen.

Geoff - I'm not linking back to you. Bloody spammers.

Tim - Still not outdone by the e-mail I got this morning - "Update your penis". Blimey.

Arabella - dunno if we'll have the time to look for souveniers. You know how busy these holiday schedules get. Mind you, I can send you a pair of miniature bongoes inherited from my nan and an ornamental camel that my auntie got from Tunisia. They've both got fleas but should clean up a treat with fumigation.

MJ - don't call me Shirley! He always embarrasses me when he gets that inflatable doll out. The joke is wearing a bit thin.

Ziggi - it's alright for you, all you have to do to get from A to B is get on your broomstick. Some of us don't have that choice. I suppose I could swim, but I'm scared of bumping into David Walliams.
Why fly to Dorset when a bus will get you there and release less co2s?

I thought you preferred drizzly holidays in dank English seaside cottages that smell of onions.
Garfer - we could probably walk to Dorset, if we were so inclined. However, this year the lure of the Costas proved too powerful. You know how it is - a high rise hotel, a swimming pool crammed with hyperactive four year olds and a beach with an average space of five inches between each human being. Bliss!
Great timing because the Airlines are going to go broke with $130/barrel Oil. Soon only the very wealthy will be able to fly and ordinary people will simply stop flitting about the planet.

Hope you have a lovely time in St. Tropez...maybe you'll you break the bank at the Casino like you and the Sultan did last year?

Hoist a complimentary Martini (or two) pour moi.
Have fun.
Have a lovely time - pack Dioralyte in case either of you get dehydrated. Will you be wearing a 'special going away outfit' to the airport? And will you be having to attend one of those horrible induction meetings by the pool with a free penis colada? Why do people do that? x
Donn - St Tropez?! Sounds a bit too classy for my tastes. Nooo, I'm off to the gutters of Spain's dodgiest resorts, so that I can get into fist fights and drink my body weight in Sangria. We English are sophisticates.

RoMo - with you on the Dioralyte. As for the going away outfit, that was sorted out months ago. I'm going for the safari look (again) which apparently is bang "on message" with the fashion types. I knew the trendies would come around to my way of thinking eventually! Would a tribal printed neckerchief be slightly over the top though? We've got a fifteen hour coach journey from the airport and have the introduction meeting with The Lovely Tina at seven o'clock the next morning. No time for a lie-in then.
Winterton's gonna miss you.

Take a picnic brew-up with you though. You could be "Geoff, Kettle & Betty".

(a reference for any of your readers over the age of 87)
Murph - readers over the age of 87. Ah, that'll be Vicus "I hope this helps" Scurra then - http://vicusscurra.blogspot.com/2008/06/for-iltv-our-mission-to-educate.html
Am enjoying your hold music. Is it a clue as to where you're going?
I am with you being 'on trend' as quoted by Coleen in this weeks Take A Break. As for neckerchief - as long as it is polyester faux chiffon with large giraffe print then you will be bang on. Don't forget to accessorize - a large straw hat - sombrero or cowboy for full effect. Again - if you get hot - you can always adorn the brim of the hat with the neckerchief. Large plastic ethnic beads to complete the urban-safari look and you will be the coach group fashion icon. Everyone will want to know how you just threw it all together. Happy strutting! ;-)
Anne - ah, it could just be a red herring. Saw Bimbo Jet on TOTP2 recently and enjoyed them a lot. The gentlemen of the orchestra seemed to be in a jolly mood. They probably enjoyed the green room hospitality, as Terry Wogan might have said.

RoMo - polyester faux chiffon is always a false economy in my opinion. If you're in a hot climate you sweat and honk like a pig. A giraffe print sounds well classy, but I don't know how to get hold of one at this late hour. Will the one that has ponies on that I used to wear to gymkhana at school do? Gives me a bit of a Princess Anne air ... at least you can buy a sombrero from any of those shops on the seafront. Otherwise I'm really "in" (as defined by those twats who compile The Measure in the Guardian Weekend).
I went on an airplane once.
Easy on the lethal cocktails when hitting the beach.

Ar you braving T5? I was there at the weekend. Very swish. It's freakishly quiet - like some dark force has come in and sucked the life away. That's BA for you.
You've just appeared on my Bloglines Betty!

Too late , you've gone.

Same thing happened with Buddy Holly & Jimmy Hendrix.
Betty! I thought I'd strictly forbidden you to use my 'Bontempi Sessions 1982' on your blog. *Sulks*

(but secretly warm inside)
Welcome home, welcome
Come on in, and close the door
You've been gone, too long
Welcome, you're home once more

la la la ala la
Geoff has totally blown your cover. We know you cam back from holiday. Why don't you love us anymore??
She never did, Boz. It was just lust.
Oh Tim. I feel... so used... so... hurt...

...alllllll BYYYYYYYYYY MYYYYYYYSEelllffff... hic .....donwannabee...ALLLLL BYYYYYYY MYSEEEEEEELLLLFFF...

[falls down, cries]
Come back Betty, if not for yourself, then for Boz!
Betty, come back this instant or I'll wee through your letterbox.
What if someone mistakes your letterbox for a gloryhole?
FN - I never have. Was it any good?

Boz - I wouldn't go near T5, frightens me to death. Same with T4 - Nick Grimshaw, Alexa Chung. Reminds me of how old I am.

Murph - blimey, did Buddy Holly have a blog? "travelling to North Dakota tonight in a dodgy looking light airplane. Still, you can't worry about every plane you board or anything that could happen or you'd never leave the house, would you?" That was the last post he published, y'know.

Molly - it's a cut throat world, though, blogging, what with all those radio writers and bloody Guardian journalists ripping you off left right and centre, so, if you can't beat 'em - join 'em. Hope you and yours are alright by the way!

Ziggi - now I've got Lennie Peters' face haunting me. Thanks for that.

Boz - because I'm incapable of loving anyone but myself.

Tim - ... but I'm also incapable of lusting after anyone but myself.

Boz - to suffer is to live.

Boz - ah, Eric Carmen. Funny how it looks as if he used Carmen heated rollers on his hair, isn't it? Large ones on top and the back and medium sized ones at the side.

Del - but I've got no feelings for anybody else except myself, my beautiful self (etc).

Tim - there's barbed wire around the letter box, so do be careful.

MJ - it happens all the time where we live. Hence the barbed wire. You have to get tough out here in the urban jungle.
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