Friday, June 06, 2008


Further to this post by Ziggi about the unfair advantages that men have over women when it comes to ageing (well, off at a tangent really, but it's still about gender difference).

If a middle aged divorced woman starts dating a man who's any more than a couple of years younger than her, she'll probably mull over things in this way:

"I know he's younger than me but he's really gorgeous and I seriously like him, but ... it just doesn't seem right. What will everyone think? Someone of my age hanging around with him - it looks pathetic, as if I'm trying to relive my youth. Maybe I'm still too immature to be with a man of my own age. Perhaps I can't find a man of my own age. It could just be that he's only hanging around with me because I earn more money than him. We won't have anything in common because he'll probably want to go out clubbing every night whereas I'm too old to be socialising in that way. Perhaps it looks as if I'm in denial about the fact that I'm not as young or good looking as I used to be. He's bound to get bored of me because he's too young to settle down. All of his friends will take the piss out of him for being on the arm of this fat old bag and he'll give in to peer pressure. Maybe it's cynicism on my part - because it'll only be a fling I'll end up with another younger man and another one, until I become a lonely, miserable spinster. Why can't I go out with a man of my own age who has the same life experience and who I have something in common with? Is there something wrong with me?"

A middle aged divorced man who's dating a twenty one year old girl will probably mull over things in this way:




she's very mature for a twenty one year old."

... and that'll be the last you'll hear about it.

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and he'll say "she makes me feel young again" Reminds me of my old boss. He had a mid-life crisis a few years back - suddenly started wearing three quarter length sports trousers, ridiculous trainers, spiking up his hair and only eating a wheel of brie for lunch in an Atkins-esque way and listening to Elton John REALLY loud in the office - oh and he had an affair with the office rep and left his wife of 15 years who went mad and came into the office trying to smash all the computers and asking the staff if they were friends with 'that slut'. Oh it was awful. He is married to 'that slut' now and has a baby and has gone back to looking really tired and stressed. The karmic wheel of the mid-life crisis turns and turns and turns...
RoMo - well, I hope he is feeling tired and stressed again. Serves him right. No one should wear three quarter length sports trousers, whatever age they are. "She makes me feel young again" - ah, that old chestnut. Usually accompanied by "you used to be as much fun to be around as her when we first got married" (before, of course, the first wife had three kids and was lumbered with all the housework as well as a full time job while himself was sat on the sofa scratching his balls and watching Sky Sports all night).



Groucho Marx said that
"you are only as old as the woman you feel"

Thankfully the Feminist movement has legitimized the sexual predation of young studs by 'Cougars'..Bravo...
like the insatiable nymphomaniacal Sam on your fave show of shows,
Sacks in the City.
(RoMo, that's so funny!...I mean sad, oh who am I kidding - damned funny.)
I'm young at heart and the husband is old at heart. He's eight years younger than me so we meet in the middle sort of.
He's under strict instructions about what to do when my early alzheimers sets in, though.
The only time it really bothers me is when we come off a plane: I always look awful after flying and expect one day a kindly steward to offer: "can I help your mother into a chair, sir?"
I've never dated anyone more than 4 years younger than me; I really don't like the idea of me making an off-hand joke and my partner saying, "Sorry, I'm too young to get that reference." I think that would kill me.

In regard to cougars (think I heard that term on 30 Rock) I have no problem with this. Why not, I say, why not indeed.
There are web sites that pair off fit auld wealthy bints with young blokes who have a thing for cellulite.

Each to their own I say. I'm off to wax my pony tail and oil my leather trews. 20 year old Sammie's coming over to caress my popsicle.

I wish.
I, at 28, went on a few dates with a lovely 19 year old earlier in the year. But it was disastrous, as she had no idea what the hell I was talking about half the time. Plus it felt a bit...weird. So I broke it off. But the fact is, whatever gets you through the night. If the person who's right for you happens to be 15-20 years younger, and you're doing it for the right reasons, then go for it. Screw everyone else. Metaphorically.
Would there be an older woman/younger man equivalent of this?
Donn - I don't know if Sex And The City has "legitimised" older women chasing younger men. I would guess that so-called cougars are seen as comic figures by most blokes. Not sure I know any sexually predatory women - perhaps that sort of thing goes on in the upper echelons of companies? ... or maybe I've led a sheltered life.

Arabella - eight years younger barely counts as being an age gap, does it? Not that all that crap really matters of course. Was having a discussion with Geoff about which one of us is going to be the first to become senile today. Relationships are a source of joy, aren't they?

Herge - I think I used to worry about the lack of understanding of reference points with someone who's significantly younger/older, but I realised that what I was really worried about was trying to have a conversation with someone who wasn't aware of crap obscure 1970's TV shows. Still, I suppose I married someone who has conversations with me about crap 1970's TV shows, so it all ended happily.

Garfer - there are young men who have a thing about cellulite? Dear god. Mind you, for some reason I get lots of searches on my stats for "older women in suspenders" or "granny sex", so I really wouldn't like to think about the preferences of some blokes. *shudder*

Del - I suppose you're right in theory. I tend to be quite cynical about middle aged bloke/younger woman relationships though, because there nearly always seems to be a power/trade off aspect to them. They usually start off as affairs when the bloke's married and, well ... there's only one reason that an older bloke gets involved with a much younger woman, and it's not to do with having a spiritually fulfilling relationship.

Tim - can't think of one in the same area, although Louise's awful mother and her sixteen year old boyfriend in Pulling spring to mind. What about Liz Jones and Nirpal Dhaliwal? That was a really happy union, wasn't it? Mind you, she does appear to absolutely mad.
I have a number of things to say about this post.

1. I wondered why all these strange people were looking at my rubbish and I have you to thank!

2. What are/is bloglines?

3. You are right - however I married him anyway.

4. aaaarrrggghhhhhhhh - thanks for reminding me of all my insecurities.
*waits for the result of your discussion with Geoff on which of you is going to be the first to become senile*
Ziggi -
1. I hope they weren't unwelcome visitors and didn't cause too many problems.

2. Bloglines is a service which tells you which blogs have just published posts, so you don't have to trawl through every blog you like. It saves time. Basically, about three quarters of my readers subscribe to Bloglines, and Bloglines isn't giving details of my updates. Which means that I've lost three quarters of my readership!

3. I should hope you did.

4. Think all women over the age of thirty five have those insecurities. regardless of whether they're in a relationship or not.

MJ - it'll probably be Geoff, knowing my luck, even though I'm already displaying all of the symptoms (well ... apart from the incontinence, thank God).
they ran about the place, drank all the beer, criticised the decor and didn't help with the washing up!

bloglines eh? I like trawling round, gives me something to do at work!
Ziggi - they were all like Vicus then? Ah well ... one reader who doesn't use Bloglines. That's something to be grateful for. It's going to be pretty lonely around here without any visitors :(
Betty, I just have to ask you one thing - hope you don't mind, but I have this pic of you in my mind as looking a bit like a younger version of Mrs Merton. Am I a million miles away from the reality.
Re. how tough it is for women when they get traded in for a younger model, well, as a bloke I can fully understand why blokes do that, I just haven't got the balls to do it, NOOOOOOOOOO, I meant, why ever would I want to trade my gorgeous wife in - I love her too much.
I could never see someone of my age dating a young lady of say, 18 years of age. What would we have in common apart from shagging like rabbits until I have a heart attack?

What a way to go...
Tom - Mrs Merton? Well, I'm about a foot taller than her for a start. Caroline Aherne is the same age as me. Wish she would get back into writing for TV, because she is a fucking genius. The blokes needing to trade their missus in for a younger model business is really depressing. They couldn't have loved their wife in the first place - are probably incapable of love actually. It's all down to sexual attraction, and nothing beyond that ...

Istvanski - actually, isn't it the case that a man's sexual peak is at 18, and a woman's at 40? In which case, it should be the reverse, with the middle aged woman having a heart attack!
Someone told me I looked twenty five the other day (!!????!!!)

I mean, I know I scrub up pretty well, but *twenty* *five*!!

And no, before you ask, it wasn't a picture of me when I *was* twenty five...

I'm working on a Jonathan Richman song for a compilation album - I think you'll L.U.V. my Studio 54 version of 'I'm Straight' Bettsters ...

I think you're over-estimating how much that guy would think about it. :)
I am that middle-aged woman.
Bob - wish someone would tell me I looked as if I was twenty five, even if it was said in jest or sympathy. I'd live off it for years.

Chosha - too true. Men don't really use their brains when it comes to deciding who to have relationships with. The real feelings eminate from somewhere further south of that.

Llewtrah - so am I! Well, chance would be a fine thing ...
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