Friday, May 23, 2008


I've run out of ideas for posts, so have looked through my archives. 

This is the equivalent of finding something crumpled from the bottom of the wardrobe because everything else is in the wash.

Still, the following post is fairly timely, because at the weekend The Kaiser Chiefs play at Elland Road Stadium on Saturday and Leeds United are facing Doncaster Rovers in the final of the League One play offs at Wembley on Sunday.  Click here to see a 1970's style interview and crap photo of The Kaiser Chiefs self consciously waving scarves about.

... so, in the most tenuous way possible, this post is dedicated to Leeds supporter Beth off of
Girl On A Train (who has mastered the art of the short and well written post and therefore I am envious of her) ... even though she probably doesn't like The Kaiser Chiefs and will be biting her nails down to the quick on Sunday.  Best of luck, Beth.

* * * * * * *

I had a dream that we were on holiday in my childhood home town. We were walking around the backstreets and memories of days gone by came flooding back.

The reverie was broken by the sound of a screeching car swerving up the kerb. We had to run for our lives.

The driver was that keyboard player with the hat on from The Kaiser Chiefs.

It turned out that Geoff had written something that wasn't particularly complimentary about The Kaiser Chiefs on his blog. The man with the hat on had obviously not taken kindly to it.

It was fucking scary. He followed us around the streets, slowing down then speeding up again.
In the end, we had to hide under the bridge by the town's railway station. That threw him off the scent, thank gawd.

The surprising thing is, I would've thought that the one out of the Kaiser Chiefs to have got upset would have been the drummer. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, that drummer is a sinister bugger. He has megalomaniac tendencies. How many other bands have drummers who write the songs? How many other bands have drummers who do all the interviews and seemingly shoo the singer out of the spotlight?

Exactly ... the only other drummer I'm aware of who has such control freak tendencies is Dave Clark, who now owns about a quarter of the world and has Flying V eyebrows.

You see what'll happen.  In 20 years' time, that drummer from The Kaiser Chiefs will be Rupert Murdoch. Don't say I didn't warn you.

That keyboard player in the hat though ... MENTALIST ...


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He looks a bit like a constipated Rowan Atkinson to me.

The Kaiser Chiefs are shite.

This comment probably means he'll come round and beat me up.
It is a bastard running out of ideas. I stopped blogging for a year and then had to quit my job, sell my house and arrange to go travelling for the rest of my life just so I had something to blog about.

To be honest, I couldn't keep blogging about Daleks and Dachshunds... it was getting weird.
Betty, I don't know what to say!
I'm so touched. Honest. I'm not being snide/sarky like people sometimes think I am when I'm being perfectly genuine (can't think why).

You are correct on both counts. (Nails/Chiefs). Although I do like that Riot song (possibly because there can't be too many songs that feature "I tell thee" as a lyric. It reminds me of my grandad. And that Ruby song is OK too.
Ha! I've looked at the picture now!! The one on the right looks as though he's never even seen a scarf before!!!
* wonders if they're Dave Clark's original eyes, or ones that he's speared on his sinister eyebrows and used to replace his own eyes *
Mike Smith now dead but the "Mahogony Gargoyle" still going strong.

I'm in pieces....
Garfer - I'd watch out if I were you. If you hear a car suddenly accelerating at great speed down the street then run for your life. You've been warned. That hat covers up the scars he had to have after complex brain surgery. He has anger issues as a side effect of that.

Herge - I should think that, even if I were to travel the world I would probably run out of things to blog about. I don't want to have to start making things up, mainly because I don't have the imagination to carry it off very convincingly. I drafted this post in November of last year!

Beth - I said it because you're wurff it. The one on the right in the picture is the sinister drummer. I bet he didn't want to wave the scarf above his head like the other ones because he wants to look cool and IS PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION.

IVD - don't know, but they definitely look like eyes that glow in the dark and give off beams like lasers. He looks *very good for his age*, apparently.

Murph - bits and pieces. Dave Clark's face would be in bits and pieces if it wasn't for the constant attention of a Harley Street surgeon.
Did you know that IVD once accidentally burned off his eyebrows?
MJ - it's something I'm doing all the time. One of the perils of freebasing cocaine unfortunately. People like me 'n' IVD like to flirt with danger.
Strangely, I used to have nightmares about Leeds United. I'd seen a dressing-room interview with them, and one of their number chanced to let his towel slip as he was edging past the camera lens.

Yes, I was haunted by the small weenie of Paul Reaney.
Tim - oh no, you've now reminded me of the 1970's documentary in which Jack Charlton was wandering around the Middlesbrough dressing room naked. I was going through puberty and I was genuinely traumatised. I tell you, if they showed that documentary to every young girl in Britain, the teenage pregnancy rates would plummet.
I have nightmares about Leeds Utd too. And I'm not even asleep.
Um, sorry about that Beth. I hope I didn't put a curse on the team. I blame that drummer from The Kaiser Chiefs myself.
Dave Clark - is it because I is a Vulcan?
The hairdo is covering the pointy ears. Can't fool us though, can he?
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