Friday, April 04, 2008


Dear LDN B'ro B'xl'y Cuntcill,

Thank you for the leaflet you have sent to us today detailing the EXCITING NEW IMPROVED RECYCLING SERVICE, which will apparently start in eight weeks time.

There will now only be a fortnightly rather than weekly delivery for non-recyclable rubbish, which I think is a vast improvement by any measure. The local maggots, mice and rats must be jumping up and down with glee now having found out that there will be all those smelly, rotting pickings available on the streets for an extra week.

It'll also be happy days for the sort of pervs who love the smell of week old corpses, especially during the summer months. London will now *actually* smell like it did during the Dickensian era, with any luck.

I'm also grateful for the fact that the recyclable waste will be collected weekly rather than fortnightly, even though there is much less of it (one or two bottles and jars, a few newspapers and, say, an empty shampoo bottle or a couple of food cans at the most despite our best efforts to recycle). It must really help to save energy and council funds, sending all those huge, gas guzzling refuse vans out onto the streets weekly instead of fortnightly, to collect a lot less rubbish than they normally would.

As someone who's part of a two person household, the new service won't make that much of a difference (provided we can keep the non-recyclable waste down to a couple of binbags a fortnight, and never go on holiday again, or miss a delivery day by chance, therefore meaning we're stuck with the same refuse for about a month). However, parents with small kids (disposable nappies ... yeeech) seem to have drawn the short end of the straw here, don't they?

We're going to get a new wheelie bin for the non-recyclable rubbish: can't wait. Wonder if you'll also provide us with a compost bin, as you took the other one away the first time we used it?

disgruntled, disaffected, Guardian reading hippy sandal munching (... well, by local standards. I'm not voting for Boris, okay?) smug, self righteous moral highground already recycling as much as possible thank you very much hag resident of LDN B'ro B'xley.

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Maybe it's all a ploy by the government to attract packs of feral dogs running in the streets to scare off all of the wacky militant hate fueled extremist muslim clerics who don't have enough bloody sense, n'or the bloody decency, to just bugger off....
anyway they're really, really, really, scared of dogs.
Think positive Betty - just imagine how lovely all those plastic bins will look in your garden. Especially if you decorate them hippy style with flowers, smileys and peace signs.
I read somewhere (oh crap it was probably the Hatred Mail) that the latest wheeze for young 'uns is to set fire to wheelie bins and inhale the fumes. I cannot begin to imagine the ways that must be seriously, seriously bad for you.

But, on the other hand, if it gets rid of the smell of rotting rubbish...
This has put me in mind of going to see Julie Driscoll at the Black Prince in 1938 and watching them do their definitive hit "Wheelie Bin's on Fire"
Donn - well, if you read the (spit, cough, vomit) BNP literature that's put through the door prior to our local elections, you'd be told that Muslim fundamentalists are running amock on the streets, and threatening the "decent, honest British way of life" (otherwise known as kicking the shit out of any ethnic minority if you're a supporter of the BNP). Just be glad you don't live in Britain.

Kaz - thing is, all of those bins have to be in front of our house, because we live in a terrace. They keep multiplying like rabbits. I used to have potted plants in front of the house but soon there won't be any room for them! Besides, when we have to have the regular rubbish out front as well, we won't be able to have the windows open in summer because of the smell ... moan, moan, whinge.

Boz - bloody cheapskate kids. Getting high on the fumes from wheelie bins? Cocaine is as cheap as chips these days and they still want summat for nowt. I tell thee, when I were young I had to get three paper rounds to pay for me first heroin hit. I were that proud, mind.

Murph - The Black Prince! I once had a job interview there y'know (well, at one of the conference rooms - it's a hotel now). I love hearing those old rock 'n' roll stories. Was Keef there? Or our very own Kaz, come to think of it?
Well, I've got a few questions: firstly, do you think the new bins they are providing are made of recycled and/or recyclable plastic? With the fuss they are makiing they bloody well should be.

Secondly, don't you think they have just come up with some bonkers two-bit right-on hair-brained scheme that believes if they curtail your normal rubbish collection to a fortnightly event it might make non-recyclers recycle more?

Thirdly - who actually makes these retarded decisions?
Ooooo…aren’t these lovely?
I saw a doc on the crazyass clerics in London who don't seem to understand how tedious they are.
Free speech this muthaf*cka!

We'll all have to move to the Netherlands where the most tolerant people on the planet have finally had enough and are doing something about it.
Rockmother - I've no idea if the plastic bins are recycled/recyclable. Hadn't thought about that! All that I can see happening with the fortnightly scheme is that people will end up putting stuff in the recycling bins that isn't meant to be there - Geoff said that someone at work advised him to put non-recyclable plastics in those bins. Maybe some people will have bonfires or will start fly tipping to get rid of rubbish, which would be great for the environment, eh? Don't know if the decisions come about because of government advice, or because at the top level of the council there are some acid casualties left over from the sixties who think they're in contact with the planet Zog and have powers to levitate buildings.

The Real MJ - wonderful, aren't they? I like the leylandii one. Everybody hates leylandii, don't they? Perhaps I should just grow climbing plants over the wheelie bin as a form of disguise. Howzabout a fragrant honeysuckle to hide the rotting refuse smell? Maybe the maggots could nest in it too ...

Donn - they seem like singularly pompous, humourless people and are being held up by the racists to tar everybody who's Muslim with the same brush, hence the pre-election leaflet that we got through the door the other day featuring "the new face of Britain" - someone in a Burqa giving a two fingered salute!
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