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Thursday, March 27, 2008

ONLY WOMEN BLEED 

Wonderful news - Leona Lewis is the first British female to get a number one record *on the Billboard chart* with I Keep Bleeding, I Keep Keep Bleeding, since Lulu hit the top spot *on the Billboard chart* with Love Loves To Love Love, To Love Love, To Love Love, To Loves Love, To Love Love, in 1968!!!

That's Leona pictured above, looking a little worse for wear after "celebrating" the news of her smash hit. Time to get out the curling tongs and John Frieda serum, luv!

Anyways, it's a little known fact that there have been only a handful of British songs that have hit the top spot *on the Billboard chart* in its three hundred year history.

The fact is, the Americans hate us! They think that all British pop music is goddamn fop haircut music. None of us know how to raaack, and we all sit around in stately homes smoking opium anyway, so what do we know about popular culture?

This opinion exists among Americans even now. In a mirror image of Leona's triumph, this week Estelle is number one *on the British chart* with a song called American Boy which would be a lot better if it didn't feature the increasingly annoying Kanye West yabbering on about WAGS, something called "rooobish" and informing us that British men all wear bespoke suits! I ask you - has he ever been to a pub in Tipton on a Tuesday night?

Ahem, these are the only other British number ones ever in the history of *the Billboard Chart (on)* in chronological order:

* She Sits Among The Cabbages And Peas - Marie Lloyd
* All I Want For Christmas Is A Beatle - Beryl Reid
* Subterranean Homesick Blues - Pinky And Perky (note: Dylan cover featuring The Beakles)
* Dreadlock Holiday - 10CC
* Pretty In Pink - Psychedelic Furs
* Dance Hall Days - Wang Chung
* Iran - A Flock Of Seagulls
* Total Confusion - A Homeboy, A Hippy And A Funky Dredd

Makes you proud to be British, doesn't it? Or totally confused ...

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Comments:
It always confuses me when someone is referred to as "a WAG". What they're both?
 
I'm still waiting for the invitation to your stately home where we'll smoke opium and listen to George Formby on your gramophone.
 
If it is any comfort, most Canadians worship and adore Brit Music...
I mean my top 100 list would be about 80% Brit stock.

Why do dazzling white suburbanite kids buy Fiddy Cent and Snoop Dogg? Who knows? But hey this is a country that RE-elected Dubya.

These lists are bullsh*t anyway..like any 'award' the best is rarely ever picked by the great unwashed consumer.
I find it hard to believe that the Beatles and Stones didn't dominate the late 60s??? I shudder to think of who did...
bloody patriotic myopic protectionism is what it is...
and payola!
 
Billy - just one of those tabloid terms really, isn't it? Most of the stuff in tabloid gossip columns is nonsense, so it just adds to the general aura of nonsense! By definition, a WAG is someone who spends hubby's millions on designer frocks while he spends his time at parties enjoying the company of other team mates and handpicked shop assistants ... ahem.

MJ - funnily enough, we're having an opium party all weekend here at Utility Towers, although we'll be playing bridge and listening to Noel Coward, not George Formby. Credit us with some class!

Donn - nicely brought up white kids like hip hop because they probably think it gives them an aura of cool and "danger". I suppose that's the way that young people are, and there's no harm in it. At least they're too young to have voted for Bush! The American charts have always been a bit odd ... well, I used to listen to the rundown of them in the 1970's when they were full of Styx songs that leapt a whole three places to number 73, that kind of thing. Don't really follow what's going on there now, but, in the case of Leona, predictably enough, she's very bland and has a great future ahead of her if she carries on in the same vein. Not really a triumph for British music after all.
 
What??
You mean Geoff doesn't wear bespoke suits?
I feel strangely disillusioned.
 
That's where you got it wrong. Tuesday is 'come casual' in Tipton. It's suits on Wednesday - wear a Hugo Boss to Mad O'Rourke's and you get a £1 off your pint of cider and creme de menthe.

Brief 'hurrah' for the Furs.
 
Kaz - of course Geoff wears bespoke suits at all times, although he slips into a smoking jacket, Harvey Nicks pyjamas and some of those backless leather slippers at eight o'clock before smoking his pipe on the balcony. He doesn't count, though, as he's half Cornish and half French.

Malc - right you are. You know, once I was at Mad O'Rourke's Pie Factory when one of our party said in hushed tones "... don't look now ... but him, over there ... it's him ... it's ... O'ROURKE". We all choked on our allotment pies, I can tell you.
 
Wonderful Pic of Leona which was instantly recognisable.

She's obviously a WAG.
 
Murph - she ain't nothing but a hound dog. Nice bit of commentary about Leona's reaction to finding out about her US number one on the lovely Popjustice: http://www.popjustice.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2412&Itemid=206
 
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