Saturday, January 26, 2008


I have been collared by Doppelganger to list Ten Songs That No Man Who Can Call Himself A Man Would Hide Anywhere In His Record Collection.

Kid Shirt, Dom Zero and Sir Anthony Eden have all been in the confession box, so now it's my turn. In that company, I feel like a confused auntie who has turned up at a Throbbing Gristle aftershow party. Help.

Once I got into thinking about it, I ended up with more than ten songs. That's what happens, I suppose, when you start confessing. Suddenly, people start looking at their shoes, coughing politely and muttering "too much information" under their breaths.

Here goes ...

Oh My God - The Kaiser Chiefs (oh my gaaahd, the shame, the shame. I thought I'd kick off with the most embarrassing one first).

Forever And Ever - Demis Roussos (The Roussos Phenomenon! Of course, it is perfectly alright to love and worship Aphrodite's Child, whose music is as mad as f*ck).

Step Inside Love - Cilla Black

Conversations - Cilla Black (is Cilla a real guilty pleasure? I'm not sure. Still ...).

Fade To Grey - Visage

Vienna - Ultravox (I can see a prototype New Romantic pattern emerging here ...).

Can U Dig It? - Mock Turtles

Dragging Me Down - Inspiral Carpets (Gulp. I can see a medieval haircut, second division Madchester pattern emerging here ...).

King Rocker - Generation X (when Billy was still quite fanciable, hem hem hem, and before he buggered off to the US. See also - Valley Of The Dolls. That one is pretty good too).

Never Ending Song Of Love - New Seekers (feat. dreamy eyed Marty Kristian. The first single my parents bought for me. Beg, Steal Or Borrow, with its pseudo-George Harrison guitar bits, is quite good too).

Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley (the singing teaboy whose big, hollow voice evoked the ghosts of the Delta blues singers).

Wishing (If I Had A Photograph Of You) - A Flock Of Seagulls ("gee! I, like, rilly seriously lerve English alternative music! Psychedelic Furs! Bauhaus! Those guys are way cute! I'm trying to, like, get my bangs to go like Susanah Hoffs! She is, like, way cool!!!!" etc.).

Mad World - Tears For Fears ("gee, I, like, rilly seriously lerve English alternative music!")
(HELP! Save us from Glenda!).

Rat Trap - The Boomtown Rats (right, that's enough confessional stuff. I should feel purged but I just feel dirty, cheap and in need of a stiff drink, even though it's Saturday morning).

Okay, I won't tag anybody but if you fancy having a go at this, be my guest. Your reputation will be ruined forever, but ...

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Crikey - there's some really good stuff there....

I looove that New Seekers song; gonna have to get me a 7" of that...I love Aphrodites Child, and tho I hated Demis at the time, in retrospect that falsetto warble of his is kinda spooky, so i can go with that....'Fade to Grey' is totally ace....and so are 'Mad World' (got a twelve of that somewhere) and 'King Rocker' is fab too...blimey - that's a really good list, Betty....shamed to say I like most of it LOL!
"Four Horseman" by Aphrodite's Child was the only good song on that 666 album. The vinyl of that is worth quite a bit apparently.
Mock Turtles - baggy wannabies (although not of the West Brum sort).
Did Glenda manage to fit into that rubber dress in the end?
Sorry, that should be "Four Horsemen", it's plural, innit?
Kek - difficult to think of Demis Roussos having any success today, and he was really an MOR artist at the time. I can remember my mum, grandmother and auntie all sitting around having a conversation about him when he was on TOTP, with my grandmother being the only one who was in favour of his music. "That song makes me cry", she said, the daft old bat.

I still have a New Seekers album called Circles (I think) with a weird, er, circular sleeve that opens out like a flower. What were sleeve designers on in those days, eh?

Istvanski - that's the only song I like by The Mock Turtles, and it's not something I'm proud of. Of course, the singer is Alan Partridge's brother y'know. I think he was more successful than him at the time as well.

All together now, in a ridiculous falsetto ...

"The leading horse is white
The second horse is red
The thaird one is a black,
The last one is a greeeeeen"
'Step Inside' is fine record. Not joyously bonkers like 'Love Of The Loved' but still, fine.
I don't think you'll need to be wearing shades when you go out, unless you want to.
That is a stupid list! How can you describe Tears For Fears or Ultravoxx as "guilty pleasures" music? It was good quality music that is still good quality today! Roland Orzabal and Mij Ure were great embassedors for British music!

Mr Ivanakowsy - I am still trying to get into the rubber dress. Only three stone left to loose now. It is hard work trying to loose weight but at least I have set myself a goal. But I have been too busy trying to loose weight to blog, it takes a lot of effort and I used to eat cakes and biscuits while I was blogging!!!!
I always preferred Nana Maskourri (however you spell it) to Demis Roussos. It must have been the glasses.

Rick Astley?!

I have the Boomtown Rats first album somewhere.

'Watch out for the normal people,
there's more of us than there's of you,
you're a real lucky bugger if you haven't been discovered,
aint it true'.

Stirring stuff. Or a bag of shite.
Arabella - yeah, Love Of The Loved, that's a strange, garish song. The better Cilla's voice got, the more uninteresting her songs became!

Glenda - maybe you should concentrate on "loosing" the extra O's and apostrophes here and there instead of trying to lose weight ...
Garfer - I remember Nana saying on one of her shows that she's a Leonard Cohen fan. That's the Greeks for you - shot through with misery. She used to hang out with Val Doonican a lot, so wins points for that of course.

The Boomtown Rats in general were absolutely bloody terrible, so how Bob Geldof can have thad he gall to go around criticising other bands I don't know!
'Dragging Me Down' is great - a killer little organ riff.
I have a Proustian rush when I hear anything by the New Seekers ... them and Clodagh Rogers.
St. Anthony - there were one or two great moments in the Inspiral Carpets' back catalogue in my opinion, but maybe that's a confession too far.

Dunno if it's a Proustian rush that I get hearing the New Seekers or Clodagh. Probably memories of musty smelling classrooms or going over to friends' houses after school. Not very glamorous - no Madeleine cakes or exquisite summer days (well, I was living in Staffordshire so it was unlikely).
""Four Horseman" by Aphrodite's Child was the only good song on that 666 album. The vinyl of that is worth quite a bit apparently."

Nah - it's a great album..."Break It" is particularly fantastic! I got my copy in Oxfan in Yeovil - it's not as rare as people think if you sniff around a bit...I quite often see vinyls of their Greatest Hits thingy and I don't live in a city...

I must check out "Circles"... sounds great!

Have any of you ever heard "Synthesisers in the Rain" by Denim - it's the best remake of "Vienna" ever - loads better than the original...as someone who was blessed enough to have seen Ultravox twice with John Foxx, i can say hand on heart that the Midge Ure incarnation was pants lol

Clodagh Rogers - yeah, I'm down w/ that! Bonus points for yr use of the phrase 'Proustian Rush,' Betty...that's one for the scrapbook...
I was feeling OK 'til Rat Trap.
It's an insult to Rick.
Holy crap, Betty.
That's too damned scary.
Kek - yeah, the John Foxx Ultravox were leagues above the Midge incarnation. I've not heard the Denim track. Lawrence of Felt/Denim/Go Kart Mozart seems to emerge every few years with some new album. There was supposed to be a television documentary made about him, but nothing seems to have emerged. Bit of an oddball, he is (so I've been told).

St Anthony's Proustian Rush in connection with Clodagh Rodgers: we all have our foibles, don't we?
I just assumed that Proustian Rush was the least well known of the three Canadian bands (Rush, Mahogany Rush ...)

Kaz - did Rick do a version of Rat Trap then? He blazed a trail like a comet did Mr Astley, then just disappeared forever. At least he left us with so many good musical memories, at the top of his game :(

Dive - if you think this list is bad, you should see my favourite songs of all time.
I predict a riot..
I can say without fear of contradiction or hyperbole that The Four Horsemen is the most perfect air guitar song of all time..many a time I wailed away back in the 70s..never mind.

I have most of those songs..are they really that bad? Geez I have stuff like Nobody's Perfect by Hannah Montana and L O, L O, L O- V E by Ashley Simpson.

My fave Rats is still Eva Braun and I had a hard time with everything after. I couldn't even type the shite that I listen to..you'd never talk to me again!
SS - I'm not too uptight about other people's tastes in music really. Probably something to do with growing up in a provincial town in the middle of nowhere. If I'd met anyone who liked any of the same bands as me when I was a teenager I would probably have died from shock. Anyway, nobody over the age of thirty should pretend to be cool.
May the lord have mercy on your soul Betty. Only joking... thankfully I have long since removed all traces of guilt from my and others' musical tastes. Anything goes really.

I did buy a tape of The Joshua Tree once though, and within hours I felt like I'd commited some awful act. I handed it in at the nearest police station. And I was watching a video of an old 'Madchester' Granada TV documentary the other day and caught myself thinking 'actually, Inspiral Carpets weren't that bad...' Then the drugs started to wear off.

But if you're talking about songs which you love unashamedly while they're playing and then afterwards you feel all dirty and used - but in a good way - then: 'Venus' by Bananarama; or anything by the Sex Pistols...
Visage and Ultravox - I still love these (and John Foxx solo stuff). Mad World is good. Rat Trap is another enduring favourite of mine.
Shykitten - the thing is, you get to my age and the drugs never wear off (or you're getting flashbacks from twenty years ago), so the Inspiral Carpets still sound good, unfortunately.

Feeling dirty and used, but in a good way? Oh no, I want to be defiled, tearful, hurt and remorseful, and I want to feel the rope burns on my back ...


... hold on ... shit ... I forgot I wasn't still on that *specialist* forum I visit ... oh dear ...

Llewtrah - just been listening to a budget album called Elec-trax which features all of those, oddly enough (well apart from Rat Trap, obviously). It helps me do the ironing ...
At first I was ridiculously pleased that I'd actually heard of some of these songs and was preparing a pithy comment. When I sobered up I realized that it was actually nothing to be pleased about at all and that I should in fact be stricken with self loathing, lying in the dirt under the front porch sucking gin out of a paper sack, which is what I was doing when all this started anyway. sorry.
FN - that's the point - there is no need for self loathing. Ridicule is nothing to be scared of, as the man once said.

Mind you, sucking gin out of a paper sack under the front porch sounds like a good idea. I haven't got a front porch though ...
Just thought I might point out that Visage and Ultravox (not really post-Foxx, but 'Vienna' is still lovely, the only good thing they did in that incarnation) are OK to like.
I agree you should def feel guilty about liking anything Midge Ure was involved in, except Slick, who were ace.
Most of the list is quite cool, though. I always had a soft spot for early Generation X, though everybody hated them at the time. 'Kiss Me Deadly' is a great song.
That's not bad, compared to some of mine!
I think you should be proud...except for 'Vienna'...that sucks on so many levels.
But 'Dragging Me Down' is just ace...and as for The New Seekers...they were just one of the best bands Ever.
el duderino - Ghosts Of Princes In Towers by The Rich Kids, that was another song featuring Midge Ure that I have to own up to liking, unfortunately. Generation X were always derided and at one point criticised for "going heavy metal" apparently!

Joanne - go on, post 'em up, you know you want to ...

Dom - Vienna seems to be in the running for the guiltiest secret to admit to so far. The New Seekers obviously deserve, ahem, iconic status because one of them is dead. Are you supposed to take sides for either The Seekers or The New Seekers though?
here's a few I have:
Aneka - Japanese boy
A muppets album
Wings - Mull of Kintyre
Boney M - Brown girl in the ring...need I go on?
Rasputin by Boney M is alright, as is their version of Sunny ...
The New Seekers have got that early 70s effortless cool, great haircuts and some corking tunes...but The Seekers have got "I'll never Find Another You", "The Carnival is Over" and the totally fucking awesome "Morningtown Ride" in their back catalogue...tough call, but I think the Mk 2 Seekers hit the finish-line first...
Kek - the only way to sort it out for good: an arm wrestling contest between Judith Durham and Eve Graham.
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