Wednesday, January 16, 2008


My favourite bit of preposterous celebrity gossip from this week: Britney Spears will convert to Islam and will move to Birmingham (West Midlands rather than Alabama).

Britney: "Worro cocker, worrer we eatin' when we get back wumm? Faggits and grey pays?! Yoam jokin' aye yer, ah wuddn't guh near that stooff with a barge pole! It's fukkin' *Toxic* air kid! Car we stop off at the 'alal meat plehsse?"

... oh, and here is some more Brummie "comedy". Ah looooooove yah! Unfortunately, couldn't find the song Car 67 on YouTube to do a "compare and contrast", so this alone will have to do.

Labels: , , , , , ,

WHHHAAAAT?? Brum can keep her!

Where DO you get your information from, I wonder?
Fathorse - I think it was in either The London Lite or Metro. I believe everything I read in either of those papers. What has Birmingham done to deserve Britney though?
Did he lose his day job when the HP factory closed its doors?
I haven't been to Brumigan in years. How is it these days?
Lordy, you promise? Because honestly, Brum can have her. Really. Nobody minds. REALLY REALLY.
MJ - are we talking about Mr Twang? Maybe he did, although I can't see how his present occupation will span out into a career either.

Billy - I've not been there myself for about a decade. Will have to go back at some point. The people I knew there all seem to have moved away though, dunno what that says about the place!

FN - I'll say it again: what has Brum done to deserve Britney? She'd be better off living in Greenland, for all our sakes.
I bet Britney'd be tempted if there were bacon bits in the payz.

Do you think she's Villa or Blues?
Wolves, I reckon. I'll get me Brummie mates on it. They're bound to bump into her down the Ghandi in King's Heath. Best Balti in Brum, by all accounts.
OO dam fink she am?
I love Britney she makes me feel almost normal.
Malc - bacon bits sound too classy for Britney. She'd go overboard for scratchings, but there could be a problem if she converts to Islam.

Del - I should think all the Balti houses in Birmingham will be boarding up their front doors if Britney turns up. Sparkbrook will be a ghost town.

Kaz - I'm almost exactly like her, but I draw the line at taking my kit off in clothes shops.
Wolves!!?? How very dare you Del? We don't want her!

I reckon she'd look just right in Burberry up at St Andrew's.
Why is Birmingham like Luton but on a bigger scale?

Why does it take ages to find your way out of the centre of Brum if you're travelling by car?

How do you type "Whoops, I did it again" in Brum?
Malc - Britney is definitely a Blues fan, the cow. She has no class.

Istvanski - Birmingham's traffic system deters outsiders. I think it was designed by someone who had a very dry sense of humour. As for your other question, the translation would be "Oh bollucks, that's the second toime arve dunn that this wick".
If she starts kneeling and touching her forehead to the ground to pray five times a day, I just hope it's not in that dress!
Ha ha! Are you sure that's a dress though? Where I come from it would be called a t-shirt, but Britney does get a bit *confused* when she's getting dressed in the morning if her style consultant isn't around ...
Brummies don't travel much, probably because those residing in civilized parts can't understand a word they're saying or, if they do, tend to laugh at them.

I like Slade, but I think they're from Wolverhampton. Wolverhampton Wanderers are my second team. I think Britney would make a good goalie.
Garfer - Noddy Holder was from Walsall, but Slade are generally considered to be a Wolverhampton band. Dave Hill is originally from Devon though, despite being most people's idea of the gormless looking Midlands stereotype. Hah! I used to go out with a Wolves fan whereas I'm of the Villa persuasion: destined to failure, obviously.
She will be able to indulge in coop-a-sowp and go down the bullrring for a packet of frouzen poys. Do you think her new boyfriend/leech talks loike that?
RoMo - I hope he does. According to the London Lite, Britney now has multiple personalities, and one of the personalities is the one where she talks with a British accent. I can only assume this means she talks with a Brummie accent like her current beau. Perhaps on the next album she should do some rapping in the Mike Skinner style.
Britney has apparently developed a phobia of paparazzi. Which is why she's dating one.
I'm not sure, but I think she may have ditched this paparazzi bloke for another photographer. A lot happens in a week if you're Britney.
Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?