Thursday, January 31, 2008


I thought this blogging malaise was a symptom of the usual January blues, but it's just going on and on.

It's not even just a problem with finding things to post about, which is bad enough.  

I find it difficult to leave comments on other blogs, which means people probably think I'm a stuck up bitch, but in reality every time I visit other comments boxes I'm suddenly overcome with inertia and can't think of anything to write.

Still, at least this means that my awful, dad-like Norman Wisdom/Robbie Williams puns are not lowering the tone of other sites among all the sophisticated exchanges about Web 2.0, Zizek, fusion cuisine and the impending recession.  

I even seem to be ignoring my regulars, let alone the famous, glamorous, winsome bloggers who are now writers with modelling contracts for Marc Jacobs and Paul Smith, or those frighteningly cool bloggers who I'm normally so in awe of that I very rarely converse with them in the comments box, if ever.

So, basically, after a few minutes of looking through new blog posts in the morning I come over all fey, dizzy and in need of a lie down on the chaise longue and with a desire to be fed grapes by a Roman slave. 

All I can do is apologise to you.  

Please, have a heart for someone who is obviously sick, sick, sick.

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This blogging game blows hot and cold doesn't it. One minute I'm flying and the next I'm just writing a post to bury my previous one.
But Betty, fear not, you'll be back, as sharp and incisive as ever. And to be honest when I feel like I am commenting for the sake of it, well, that's when I should go. Shall I get my coat....
Then I shall savour and cherish the last comment you left on my blog regarding former Liverpool FC goalkeeper Bruce Grobbelaar.
"dad-like Norman Wisdom/Robbie Williams puns" are actually raising the tone at my blog Betty thank you.

*refrains from obvious joke about stuck-up bitches*
Does this mean diary-style blogging is back?

I find myself hating 90% of what I write; that's why I do so much.
Just a sec - I'll go and ferment those grapes - now that's better isn't it?
Commenting is not compulsory, but it's always nice to hear from you.

Are you feeling guilty yet?
Oh god - I so know how you feel - I've been commenting like a prize chump for weeks! In fact, I have been annoying myself. So sorry. Here - have a custard cream x
Yes I feel a bit left out of all this Cuisine 2.0, Zizek Fusion and Web Recession stuff too; but I'm sure that soon enough the celebrated philosopher will be discussing the imminent downfall of capitalism with those smarmy gits on Saturday Kitchen, and everything will become clear.

Hmmm, I'm not sure if I should post this comment actually, it's just not quite there... it needs that little extra bit of editing and polishing and isn't quite clever enough to catch the eyes of the blogerati... ah sod it.
I've felt the same way about blogging for most of January (ok the last week or two) and have had to look in various places for some inspiration.
I'm currently taking inspiration from http://www.tinyvices.com (which I heard about thanks to The Radioheads)
Photo/story blogging can be very simple and effectve, Salvadore Vincent done a whole chapter (well 41 posts) of blogging about a Bathmat. It was some of the funniest stuff I've read.
(Although it does help to be a professional writer.)
Tom - I was going to leave a comment on your most recent post, then forgot about it, then went back and decided that the comment I was going to make was shit. Still, I may make another attempt, you never know.

MJ - I can't think of anything to say about Knudsen's arse though!

Murph - I'm glad you've refrained from saying anything about stuck up bitches. After all, this is a blog the whole family can read, usually.

Billy - if diary-style blogging is back, I'm in trouble ("Wednesday am - put out plastic and glass recycling bins"). If I get too smug and pleased with my writing, I tend to get very few comments, so it's best to be full of self loathing, really.

Kaz - the grapes will be fermented and ready by this evening, thank you very much. If I started boozing at one in the afternoon, then it would be a sign that things had really gone pear shaped (or grape shaped).

Istvanski - thanks for inducing Catholic levels of guilt under the guise of being polite and democratic :(

RoMo - nooo, your comments are much appreciated here. Mind you, I'll have to forego the custard creams, because I managed to get into a pair of size ten jeans this week and I don't want to ruin the good work.

Shykitten - yeah, bollocks to the blogerati, all they are is pleased with themselves anyway! I saw Zizek the other night on BBC4 doing a one minute intermission where he talked about "anxiety - the 21st Century disease". It was like one of those Day Today Patrick Marber French philosophy spoofs. Proof once again that a lot of people in television must have taken The Day Today very seriously indeed.

The boy who likes to ... - thanks for the heads up. I seem to go around the same old sites and just look at a few music sites (Pop Justice for example) and leave it at that. Not that I'm doing anything productive with all the extra spare time!
I hope this doesn't mean you won't be able to post about the new dentist; I was looking forward to that (honest! no, really..oh I give up).

I had a burst of commenting energy in January. Unfortunately this coincided with an increase in google's appetite for eating comments instead of publishing them. That was nice.
Put it down to the lack of sunlight.

I suggest you regain your blogging mojo by consuming a whole packet of Jaffa cakes at one sitting. The smashing orangey bit has remarkable rejuvenating qualities.
Garfy taught me to punch a straw through the crisp chocolate dome of a Tunnocks Teacake and then suck the creamy goodness within.

Since then, my blogging mojo has skyrocketed.
You need to quadruple your daily intake of Sugar, Caffeine and Ultra Violet Radiation!

Don't fight the subsequent bouts of euphoria and vibrating appendages..
just let it happen...
that's the mojo risin'.

BE the comment.
It's February. It's cold, wet and windy, not to mention dark. Half of England is under water. Gordon Brown is PM. Bush is still in charge. The big four hold an unreasonable grip on English football. None of us have paid for Christmas.

No wonder you don't feel like commenting.

Just off to the photo-shoot for Dickies rigger boots.
I feel like a comment jinxer. If I comment too early, it kills the post (Billy's latest, for example). And then if I leave it for a day, what's the point? Everybody else has had their say. Like this one for example.
I was trying to be really 'clever' and leave a blank comment as a symbol of my own current blogenniu.
But blogger won't let me.

The tail wags the dog.
Arabella - oh cripes, you've reminded me of the new dentist now, shudder. Google ate up the very long reply I did to the last lot of comments, and I forgot to do a control+C before sending it! Grrrr.

Garfer - see, I mention that I've lost a bit of weight and immediately people tell me that consuming biscuits will cheer me up. Nope, won't work :(

MJ - I must admit that I've never eaten a Tunnock's Teacake in my life! I'll try to suck the juice out of a lemon through a pinhole instead.

HE - I already consume enough caffeine to kill a small animal. Any more and I'll be getting panic attacks around the clock. There is a limit to how much I'm prepared to sacrifice my health for the sake of blogging (not much of one, admittedly).

Malc - god, now you come to mention it ... mind you, the days are getting longer, and Ashes To Ashes starts this week, so maybe there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, eh? I'm still all blogged out though. Don't have your stamina!

Max Bob - I'm sure you don't jinx comments. It's never too late to leave a comment on a post. Sometimes it takes me a few days to think of something to say or to pluck up the courage to send it!

Beth - bloody Blogger (or Google, to be fair). Ritual Landscape sent two blank posts recently - dunno if that was a symptom of blogenniu or a statement on the value of words, or a problem with publishing!
January is just all round shit really, isn't it?

Still, things can change in a heartbeat.
Boz - things do change in Heartbeat, but only every few years, otherwise the viewers become confused. Nick Berry leaving was the most dramatic thing to happen on there.
Oh, aren't you a stuck-up bitch then?
(that was supposed to be ironic, but looking at it, it just looks rude, sorry!!)
Ziggi - no offence taken, although I am a stuck up bitch, and I'm the one who goes around upsetting people with the comments I leave ...
Heartbeat. The land where it has been the 1960s for SIXTEEN YEARS.
Exactly. Besides which, the soundtrack music confuses me. One minute they'll be playing The Shadows (1961) and the next it'll be Cream (1969). Make your minds up! Which year are we in exactly?
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