Sunday, December 23, 2007


Christmas is a time to think of those less fortunate than yourself, i.e., ME. So here's an update on my heartrending wrist fracture saga.

The cast came off last week. The consultant didn't seem too happy about my lack of ability to do one or two of the flexibility tests, so I now do a selection of exercises several times a day, and it seems to be taking forever to improve.

It feels as though someone has injected quick drying cement into my wrist and it looks all thick and disgusting. It feels as though I have two left arms. So it looks as if I have a bleak future with an unsightly, gammy arm. Boo hoo.

Even better, my arm was cruddy and covered in skin scales when the cast was removed. The skin scales have been depositing themselves everywhere ever since. There may not be snow in Bexleyheath this Christmas, but there is a two inch layer of dead skin wherever I walk.

So, spare a thought for me as you tuck into your Christmas dinner, and let that thought be tinged with pathos.


Still, upwards and onwards. Here is an old chestnut, a Christmas tune by a mate of the late lamented Princess Of Hearts. Judging by the amount of face pulling and general effervescence, I would hazard a guess that our Reginald has been tooting at the Christmas bugle a lot.

... "We can watch the snow for ever and ever." Yeah ... riiight.

Happy haaahlidays, you lot.

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Keep gurning through the days.
I hope you arm heals enough to wrip off the wrappers around your Christmas presents.
Hi Betty - I knew I could rely on you to cheer me up at this festive time.

Just remind yourself that perfection is boring and get some vodka down you.
X to you for Christmas.
Glad you've been able to toss off the entire cast.

Reg did the same when he was in panto.
you know, I was here to wish you and Geoff a great Xmas and to say that I'll be thinking of you shedding when I read Murph's comment and all other thoughts vacated.

Was it a big cast?
Do you have to do that one where you use your good hand to force your bad wrist to bend as far as it will go, then make it go a bit further? Or was that my physiotherapist having a laugh?

Best wishes for an uneventful Christmas.
MJ - I find doing my physiotherapy exercises keeps me gurning through the day.

The Boy - thanks, more importantly I hope to be able to open bottles of wine and brandy. Best to get my priorities right.

Kaz - brandy or wine are my drinks of choice most of the time. Vodka is the only drink I've had a really bad hangover experience with!

Murph - thank you. Still punning your way through Christmas. I'm not sure if Reg has actually been in a pantomime, it's just that his whole life has seemed like one.

Ziggi -it was a very big cast that took a lot of banging about and got more and more dirty and sweaty. As for the one I was wearing, it was the usual wrist-to-elbow number.

Beth - you had a physiotherapist? Blimey. I think the NHS has much more important things to do than help people get better these days! I was given a list of exercises with some badly drawn diagrams on a sheet of A4 paper. I still can't master the one where you hold your hands together with the elbows out as if in prayer. Yikes. Have a stress free and happy Christmas yerself Beth.
Have a good one, betty!
Ok - being an officianado of broken wrists.....You do grow extra bone over a break and it is stiff initially but you really do need to keep moving it - it takes a couple of weeks. It will aslo go stiff in the cold (well, mine does anyway madam!) It will improve I promise. The scales - just slather it in olive oil and pick off the major bits like you do when you've got sunburn.

Did you call in to Radio Jackie? I'm still listening and I do so hope so Betty! x
I've suddenly gone off Parmesan cheese for some reason.

Happy Christmas, despite the deformity, love from the pigshed
Me again. Happy Christmas to our inspirational, educational Betty.

You really have no idea how much I've learned from this blog.
Just bunch Christmas in its entirety in a blender and suck it through a straw. Careful of the pine needles, though.
Hairy Crizzmoose My Dear.
Happy Christmas scabby scurfy one. I'm sure it won't be long before you are back to your beautiful self. x
Rosneath - thanks, hope your Christmas is going swimmingly.

RoMo - thanks for the advice. There is some improvement, but it seems so slow. Most of the skin scales have disappeared now, fortunately. I patiently await the day when I can flick the v's and make the wanker sign every time I see Jeremy Clarkson on telly again. That's the goal I want to achieve. As for Radio Jackie, no, I didn't send the request. When we tuned in, Geoff informed me that it sounded too much like Heart FM which he has to hear every day at work, so it was promptly switched off again.

Malc - we've thrown the skin scales on our hearty log fire and it's warmed up the living room a treat. It's an ancient Pagan ritual that's used at this time of year y'know.

MJ - Aw, shucks, thanks. Although the only things that anyone can learn from me are that you can remove deodorant stains from clothes by rubbing a pair of tights over the stain, or that one about getting shiny taps. Happy Christmas.

Tim - I tried that in Christmas 2003 and ended up in intensive care. The memories of meeting God at the end of that white tunnel will stay with me forever.

HE - thanks, but keep that moose out of the house please, we've just had new laminated floors put down.

Tom - thank you. I'm radiating a sort of abstract beauty and chronic indigestion at this moment in time.
At least you got your arm unwrapped for Xmas. A bit of moisturiser should sort out the skin scales, either that or a job as "snakeskin woman sloughing her skin" will earn a few bob (rings a change from the carol singers doing th rounds!)

Season's Greetings.
Llewtrah - lots of baby oil tackled the skin scales and now my arms is all soft, lovely and alluring, but it still doesn't work properly. Oh well! Hope your Christmas has been bearable.
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