Monday, November 05, 2007


... so, anyway, we're sandal-munching, lentil-recycling Guardian readers, who are interested in, I dunno, independent schools, sneering with a sense of indignation at poor people who join the army because they think they are going to get some hot dating action (apparently), that sort of thing.

This weekend we had to go against type and buy a tabloid newspaper in order to read an *explosive* muckraking two page article about someone who is related to someone who is related to someone who I am married to. This person has also been mentioned on a blog post here!

Obviously, I can't give you a direct link to the article ... here ... or the repercussions could be DISASTROUS, har har.

A pity, because the article gave us several minutes of amusement as did the pictures.

"Oooh, get his forty eight inch biceps!! He's goooorrgeous!" and other stuff was said that I can't really mention here, or link to here.


Anyway, when we were walking back from the shops with the tabloid newspaper that shall remain nameless, Geoff told me that the main headline on the front page said "PAUL AND STELLA MCCARTNEY USED MY LEG AS A BAT IN ROUNDERS GAMES CLAIMS HEATHER MILLS".

I thought that he was telling the truth.

He was just joking.

More disappointment.


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I prefer the hide and seek story, myself. It certainly would have slowed her down.

And that from the man who sang, "my dog he got three legs, your dog he got none..."

The irony, eh?


p.s. Shame about the Hammers...
I read the Guardian AND the Sun.

What does that make me?
Stella got stick for stubbing out her fag on Heather's prosthesis. I suppose it would have been better to use her real leg.
Is it just me, or is Heath starting to look as if she was right about the McCanns when she said they didn't know they were born compared to what she's been through...?? Don't forget she had to put him him singing an' all....

And I see that Kate McC is on that new cookery programme - fecking great way to find your missing daughter that is, eh??

What's wrong with the bloody woman????


p.s. Wrod vrecifiifificatoin:ktverk..."vee are showrheum tummies....""????
...that should read "she had to put up with him singing", obviously..

That's the thing when I'm angry - the grammar just goes out the window...
Bob1 - I don't think anything could slow her down. Or calm her down. At least she didn't sing backing vocals on his songs though.

MJ - it means you probably wear disgusting velcro-strapped sandals and knit yoghurt, but you also have enormous tits.

Tim - heh heh. Stella even got into trouble when she creosoted the wrong leg. She was only trying to help!

Bob2 - "she put up with him hymn singing"? Didn't John Lennon feel as fed up when they were recording Let It Be? (at this point rest everyone else gives up reading because of obscure dad rock Beatles in-jokes).

I try not to keep up with anything in the news involving the McCanns if possible. I suppose she's going on television to raise some money so that they don't have to dip into their charity funds to pay their mortgage off, *allegedly* ...

... er, moving swiftly on ....
Jordan's agent phones her "Great news Katie, I've got you the starring role in the new movie 'The Heather Mills Story'. It's one million pounds a week and you start next Monday" Jordan replies "For a million a week I'll start this Monday" her agent says "No Katie, this Monday you're in hospital having your leg off"
Ooh Betty you are a tease - all those 'here heres' and then - when I'm just gasping at that headline - we find it was that prankster you married.
Actually you're doing well if you can still share a joke after 40 years together.
On the related to someone who is related to someone, last week I met a couple who went on a cruise and ended up sat with a couple who were related to Prince Charles' new missus .... who, it turns out, is from the side of the family they never talk about!
Istvanski - is Peter Andre going to play the part of the wooden leg? I'm sure it would be the perfect role for him, all things considered.

Kaz - ah, well, I *really* can't tell people about the news story here, but they can send me an e-mail if they want a link and I promise not to stalk them with loads of other e-mails ... unless they look like/are Rhys Ifans. Heh heh. Anyway, Geoff certainly isn't the person who had a fling with television's K ... but I really mustn't say anything ;)

Llewtrah - my grandad once caddied for King George V at Beau Desert Golf Course! Not that he managed to get any good gossip from that, unfortunately.
Will Geoff be writing a poem about this on his new Beryl Blog?
Admit it, it was "The Screws", wasn't it? I know Geoff's headline claim was false. The story was actually headed "Macca loses kids - but gains custody of Heather's timber toe."
You just wouldn't think Geoff was the sort to have a fling with Heather from reading his blog -
would you like me to boycott it as a gesture of solidarity?
Murph - knowing the way these things usually work out, I should imagine that the novelty of posting on the Beryl blog will have worn off within a couple of weeks. Still, you never know ...

Reg - I'm not sure that Heather's wooden toe would be either use or ornament, unless he had it turned into a pencil sharpener. No, it wasn't the Screws.

Ziggi - well, he did say to me about the woman who was actually mentioned in the article "if I was single, and if it was just for five minutes, and if I didn't have to look at her face". Charming. I reckon that Heather would terrify him though.
gah! that's just the kind of thing my husband would have made up - AND i'd have believed him too. how disappointing, and how much better even than the truth!
Kate Middleton had better watch her back, Willy was next on Heather's list of 'kings to do'.

To be quite honest, I think that I am starting to succumb to Heather Mill(ION)'s charm offensive. I'm not quite sure why..prolly because I am a daft, sentimental, old, fool.
Rivergirlie - you think I would know by now really. Twelve years of wind ups and I still take what he says at face value. Duh.

HE - Queen Heather? *shudder*. I suppose I feel kind of sorry for her in a way, but she isn't the most charming person in the world by the look of things.
That's a perfectly reasonable headline by tabloid standards.

There was a great one in Metro a few weeks ago.


I never believed a single kiss and tell/ love rat tale until I read one about someone I knew.
Spinsterella - ooh, I remember that Kate McCann headline (Kate McCann seems to turn up in the comments on every post here now ...). My favourite was in one of the local papers last week: CANINE ASBO ISSUED FOR UNRULY ROTTWEILER.

Lost Boy - same here. Apparently, this story is true, but there was a lot of embellishment because the affair was only shortlived. A bit has been made up about the wife seeing and confronting her celebrity *love rival* on the train though. Must've been a quiet news day I suppose.
I have been enjoying the Sun headlines on the Mills - McCartney media extravaganza:

"Mucca Mauls Macca"

"Macca's Smacker With A Married Cracker"
you'll all have heard the 'go down on one knee again' joke then.

never mind.
What's the difference between Heather Mills and your car?

You don't burst out laughing whenever your car has a breakdown.
Boz, FN, Istvanski - thanks for kicking a bit of life back into this thread, because I can't think of anything to write at the moment and my brain's so doollally that I can't even think about an individual comment for each of you. Sorry about that.

*goes away to have medication*
I fink dat more a commnt on our commentz.

(Goes away to shoot himself)
Boz - sorry about that meducks. Have been a bit out of sorts due to ongoing family problems, and to top it all I've now got a broken wrist! Come to think of it - any spare bullets left in your gun?!
Top post Betty and great comments. Have I been missing loads of Mills/Mucca jokes then. That'll teach me not to come round here more often.
Tom - welcome back. Well, until you decide to head back over to Second Life, anyway. I don't know many Heather Mills jokes, unfortunately.
After her recent rant on GMTV, a psychologist said that Heather Mills is clearly unbalanced.
Sir Paul phoned in and said that a couple of beermats under her left leg does the trick.
Apparently, Paul McCartney bought Heather a plane for her birthday. She uses a razor on the other leg.
Thank you. Mind you, I shouldn't laugh at amputees, given thant I'll probably only have one arm soon :(
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