Monday, October 15, 2007


Arabella suggested the following to Geoff as a task we should do on our break *at a mystery location in Norfolk*:

"Please do an ATV Today - type investigative report on why there is so much blogging going on in Norfolk, to include some black and white interviews in fields where a cow is about to do something embarrassing, if you get a moment."

Well, of course, we didn't have a moment to spare, but I managed to find out why blogging is so big in Norfolk.

The first blogger ever was a Norfolk man, and there's even a museum dedicated to him in Cromer.

He was Henry Blogg, the most decorated lifeboatman in the RNLI's history, but, more importantly, of course, blogging was named after the great man.

Here are a few excerpts from Henry Blogg's Blog, "Random Musings Of A Norfolk Lifeboatman" ...

14th June, 1947

Why the fuck do women persist in wearing Crocs? Ladies, pay attention: Crocs worn with long flowery skirts don't say "I understand directional fashion", they say "I'm a clueless middle aged housewife from Middle England who enjoys baking cakes for craft fayre competitions and lives for my grandchildren because I don't have anything else that's interesting to occupy my time".

That is all.


September 4th, 1936

Who are all those fuckwits who spit chewing gum out onto the pavement? They should be strung up and have their balls torn off without an anaesthetic.

That is all.


February 28th, 1948

Jack Penate, a message to you. Fuck off with your annoying "oy corn't wayt?" What the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway? Are you trying to pass yourself off as an 18th century farmhand, or, better still, an East End cabbie? Have you actually heard a working class person talk?

David Cameron, a message to you. Fuck off, you Old Etonian slimeball. "It's time for change! It's time to say that I'll cut taxes so I can ensure I end up being made Prime Minister!" Fuck right off back to daddy's country pile you privileged cunt!

That is all.

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Well there it 'tiz.
Henry looked as if he had been properly coxswained only minutes before that museum photo was taken.

Blogg's Blog was exactly the sort of no-nonsense approach to life that is so desperately missing these days. Asking the tough questions and skewering the tedious, bloody, bastards who make this bloody world such a bloody drag.

I wonder what he would have say
about modern bloggers like that uppity, little, twit, Perezhilton.

I am deeply saddened by his passing..he is still dead isn't he? Or did they freeze his noggin like they did to Walt Disney.
Well what a wonderful chap your Henry is.

I agree with everything he writes and feel humble and proud to carry on the blogging tradition he founded.
Hooray for Henry.

They don't like it up them you know.
Henry Blogg? Well you learn something knew every day
HE - yes, people used to speak as they found in those days, didn't they? All of those people he used to save in his lifeboat - he used to say "I ought to have left you there to drown you bloody idiot. Do you realise all the effort and time and money that's required to save morons like you who swim out sea, ignoring the high winds and the "NO SWIMMING PAST THIS POINT" signs?

As far as I know he is still dead, unless he had a burial at sea off the coast of Norfolk ... in which case his body may have been instantly frozen in the chilly water.

Kaz - me too. Besides, he was the first blogger to ever write about Crocs. Now they're all at it.

Garfer - they don't like it up 'em? In Norfolk? Are you sure about that?

Billy - I found out about Henry in the Readers' Digest Touring Guide, which is usually a fairly unreliable source of information.
y'know, you had me completely fooled there until you mentioned david cameron.
Actually, that David Cameron is a lot older than he looks. As you were, RG.
RG - I dread to think that Henry Blogg was actually writing about Crocs in 1947. They really wouldn't have looked right with Christian Dior's New Look, would they?
A real local hero.
Magnificent facial hair, too.
Mangonel - he's older than Menzies "Sir Minging" Campbell, but has had more Botox. If only Sir Minging had followed his example, he wouldn't have had to resign.
Dive - he appears to be clean shaven in all the pictures on Google images though. Perhaps he became more hirsute in his advanced years.
Did they have crocs back then? Weren't they a bit of a hazard on the boat?
For about a week and a half I thought crocs looked 'fun' and it entered my head that I might get some.

Luckily I came to my senses.
Also, brevity.

Many bloggers could do worse than learn from Henry: original & best?
Llewtrah - I shouldn't think Crocs have ever been practical to wear in any situation.

Beth - good to hear about the avoidance of Crocs. Don't think anyone could accuse you of writing posts that are too long, could they?
I'd like to try being privileged and see whether I could get used to it.

I wouldn't like to try crocs though.
Nor comments.
Ziggi - well, I wouldn't complain if somebody offered me the chance to find out what it's like to be privileged either. Then again - hey! I have a wealth of lerve that no amount of money could compare to! (bleugh). As for the Crocs ... STEP AWAY FROM THE CROCS.

Beth - point taken. Everyone over to Beth's comments box.
Henry had a habit of not being able to see the bigger picture at the times he posted - like the Spanish Civil War, the rise of Fascism, the independence of India, the birth of the welfare state and a pioneering Education Act.
Still, he was right about the other things. Crocs are just pregnant versions of those stupid sandles we all wore when we were kids, gum-chewers, let alone gum-spitter-outers, should be strung up by their balls/labia and Cameron is indeed like the contents of Joanna Lumley's pants - a posh cunt! Great foresight, Henry!
Reg - I think that a lot of bloggers don't really look at the bigger picture. Henry was a lifeboatman: he saw the world from a lifeboatman's point of view. In a way, all of our points of view as bloggers become part of a big picture that is, indeed, a rival to the "bigger picture" which makes up the wunnerful world we live in. The pain: the joy; the tragedy; the laughter; it's all there.

*goes off to have a good cry*
Wot - no cow pats?
Just has a rush of power to the head upon learning I can visit blogs, tell people what to write and they won't tell me to piss right off.
Arabella - I saw a few cowpats, if that counts, and a few cows looked curiously into our car at various junctures.

I don't get told to piss right off by other bloggers, they just delete my comments these days. Ahem.
I look forward to the ITV3 serialisation of Henry Blogg's "Random Musings Of A Norfolk Lifeboatman", starring Billie Piper, with great excitement.
Why not do a post about Lily Allen, Betty.
Doris - is Billie Piper going to look hot wearing galoshes and a yellow sou'wester though?

Murph - arggggg, if only you knew what a nightmare it was trying to get that post up! There were about thirty different font sizes and the pictures wouldn't publish and all the text was purple and ... and ... ARRRGGGGGG.
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