Monday, July 23, 2007
Not global warming. No, the blame must lay fairly and squarely with this young lady:
Rihanna has been at number one in the hit parade for about three months now with the song Umbrella, in which she invites some bloke or other to "come under (her) umbrella" for shelter.
This isn't just a saucy sexual metaphor. Oooh, no. Neither is the bit where she sings "it's raining (raining)/Ooo baby it's raining/baby come into me/Come into me."
What we're dealing with is a hex on the British climate.
I can vouch for this because when I was on holiday, we'd set off in the car for a few hours lazing on the beach, or for a hearty coastal stroll, with radio accompaniment on the journey. Inevitably, the *nation's number one* would be played within an hour or so ...
"NOW THAT IT'S RAINING MORE THAN EVER!" Rihanna would declare ...
Which would immediately result in flash floods, hurricanes, thunder bolt and lightening (very very frightening, me). Which meant our lovely relaxing summer's day was curtailed - again.
Drastic measures have to be taken. If there's any hope at all of getting something that resembles a late blossoming summer in August, the market must be (ho ho) *flooded* with songs and bands that make references to sun or summer, regardless of whether they are crap or not. It's the only way to remove the curse.
The likes of ...
Good Day Sunshine - The Beatles
Chase The Sun - Planet Funk
Sunny - Bobby Hebb
Beach Baby - First Class
Hello Summertime - Bobby Goldsboro
Sunny Afternoon - The Kinks
Summer In The City - The Lovin' Spoonful
Anything by Sunn O))) (...just the band you'd want to turn up at a beach party, plugging their guitars into the sand, after all)
Any more suggestions in the comments box, please. If we act now, the British public can go back to grumbling about the usual summer stuff: wasps; hay fever; mugginess; hosepipe bans; people who don't use deodorant and stand next to them on trains; the fumes from barbecues.
Oh, and really "well built" women who have "glandular problems" can once more say "oh, I hate this hot weather, I can't stand it, I'll be glad when there's a storm so it cools down a bit. Pass us another pork pie will ya?"
Golden Brown - Stranglers
Summer Night City - Abba
Sunshine Help Me - Spooky Tooth
The Heat is on - Glen Frey
Burn Baby Burn - Ash
Shine on you Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd
Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun - Pink Floyd
Angie Baby - Helen Reddy
Blinded by The Light - Manfred Mann
Come on Barbie - Aqua
It might as well rain until September - Carole King
Why does it always rain on me - Travisty
*you are the sunshine of my life* stevie wonder!
Holidays In The Sun - Sex Pistols.
Anything by The Blazin' Squad.
The Light Pours Out Of Me - Magazine
Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones
I was going to say Here Comes the Summer too - I can't decide if I really love or really hate that Irn Bru advert with the goths in that uses the song. I'll be sure to let you all know when I decide though, I can tell you're on the edge of your seats.
I gotta tell ya that yer doin' fine!
Thas raght - git there! - evabuddy to the sun.....
Anyway, how about:
1. I Can't Get No Precipitation - Rolling Stones.
2. I'm Mandy, Dry Me - 10cc.
3. I Predict a Dryout - Kaiser Chiefs.
4. Walk On The Mild Side - Lou Reed.
5. Standpipe By Your Man - Tammy Wynette.
Murph - blimey! The definitive list! I didn't get Helen Reddy at first but I assume it's something to do with her spending too long out in the sun.
FN - perhaps it's part of her five year plan to cover the globe in water - release that single every month in a different country. She is EVIL, I tell you, EVIL.
Russ L - what, the "eh? eh? eh?" thing she does? She's cooked her goose (ducky).
Geoff - are the Blazin' Squad still droppin' joints? Is the man Kenzie still at the helm, or has he now got a job as a mobile phone salesman?
Violet - yeah, it was Zoe. The Light Pours Out Of Me ... it's difficult to imagine Howard Devoto lying on a sunbed in Magaluf, isn't it? I await your decision on the Irn Bru ad. with bated breath.
Doppelganger - good choice. Arthur Baker runs a couple of soul food restaurants in London these days.
Reg - the youngsters "drop" "downloads" onto "cylinder" nowadays, but don't ask me what that means.
I'm Mandy, Fry Me - 10cc
'The Sun Has Got his Hat On/Hip Hip Hip Hooray..'
I could go on but don't worry, I won't.
wv - ehogs
Doris - indeed! Can't imagine Neil Hannon as a beach baby, but I can imagine him sitting in a drawing room inhaling Beconase.
HE - you'll be laughing on the other side of your face now Rihanna's song has reached your part of the world - yes, you, with the pictures on your site of cloudless skies and people basking in sunshine, sitting on boats ... have you seen that ominously dark band of cloud that's drifting overhead?
Sun Valley Jump - The Glen Miller Band
It's A Lovely Day Tomorrow - Jack Payne
We'll Make Hay While The Sun Shines - Whoever It Was
The Umbrella Man - Flanagan And Alan (er, hang on a minute ...)
I'm not so sure about sun, but anything by Hard Rain (Tony Clarkin project after Magnum) and Emerald Rain (Hard Rain spin-off) might do right now.
As might The Enid song "Raindown" from their album "Something Wicked This Way Comes"
Us "trainspotters of music" don't have many sunny tracks to choose from!
Please tells us why
You had to hide away for so long
Where did we go wrong?
Either the ELO original or the wonderful Delgados cover version (credibility restored...)
Just ended a 7-day stretch of rain here (with only a few sunny days since November)and haven't had a proper summer yet.
*cues Summertime Blues*
Del - I'll stick with The Electric Light Bulb, what with being a thick Brummie. I dunno how Jeff Lynne could tell whether there was a blue sky or not, what with him wearing those Foster Grant shades all the time.
MJ - too true. We've been quite lucky and have had a couple of sunny afternoons within the last week, but are always told to "make the most of it" because more bloody rain is on the way ... bah.
Reg - "I Pwedict An Encounter With A Stwanger Who Will Be Dwessed In White And Will Be The Beawer Of Good News About Your Financial Situation" - Mystic Meg.
"Rainy Day Sun" by Spinal Tap.
"Heatwave", "Me and the Wind", "Frost Circus", "I Remember the Sun", "Wash Away", "That Wave" "Miniature Sun", "Snowman", "Summer's Cauldron", "Ballet for a Rainy Day", "Season Cycle", "You and the Clouds Will Still Be Beautiful", all by XTC.
I could go on with more XTC weather realted songs, but I don't want to take too much comment space up.
Istvanski - is Andy Partridge working as a meteorologist these days then? As for Raining Blood by Slayer - pass the Feminax and the Lilets, maan.