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Thursday, May 17, 2007

FACTORY FARMED 

A woman who is a chief executive in a City investment firm has apparently had her eighth child.

Helena Morrissey's previous children are called Fitz, Florence, Tuppy, Millie, Clara, Octavia and Theo. The new addition is called Cecily.

Not only does she have the family planning skills of someone from 1870, all of the children sound like characters from a disgustingly twee Victorian children's novel.

Tuppy.

Tuppy.

Jesus haitch.

Could I suggest Flopsy, Mopsy, Dropsy, Topsy, Turvey and Brer Rabbit for the next six burdens on a very crowded country ... ahem, sorry, I mean *joyful additions to the high flying family*?

Either that, or condoms.

Yeah, condoms. This advert sums it all up ...

... not that modom would ever be seen in a supermarket of course.

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Comments:
http://yasinearth.blogspot.com/
 
Um, right you are.

People, if you try to link to the previous commenter's blogspot your computer will have a nervous breakdown. Just to warn you.
 
That's outrageous.

Octavia should have been the eighth.
 
P - yes, you think she would have realised that (unless it was the eighth attempt to conceive). Anyway, perhaps she can make up for that error by calling the tenth child Decathlon.
 
I don't like any of those names. There's twee and then there's just rubbish.
 
Twee was number four wasn't it?

Anyway, as a City Executive she has maybe let her investors stay too long in short term deposits after which they probably lost interest.

That's a brilliant advert!
 
Billy - why isn't there a return to names like Rock, Troy and Garth for boys? Or char-lady names for girls - Beattie, Edna or Ruby?

Murph - if twee was number four, and Octavia was number six, then she doesn't seem to have much of a head for figures. I would've thought that would be a disadvantage for an investor meself.
 
I can just imagine her sitting around in the city doing her chief executiving and saying that women who don't have children are so selfish.
 
But people called Morrissey don't have first names. Her kids should be called Morrissey, Morrissey, Morrissey, Morrissey, Morrissey, Morrissey, Morrissey and Morrissey.

"Panic in the City of London..."
 
Ha! I had 8 rabbits once and one of those was called Tuppy! I'm starting my new bank at once - who would like to invest?


trhtisschgff - my god you're still at it with the complicated WV!
 
Kaz - I know. Those of us who are selfish and childless should really be doing our bit to keep all the nannies in the world in employment. Still, never mind, she's had enough children for four women, which is very galant of her.

Tim - but what about the smashing actor Neil Morrissey of Boon and Men Behaving Badly fame? In fact, is that her husband? He certainly isn't firing blanks, is he?

Ziggi - Ms Morrissey and your rabbit seem to have the same breeding capabilities. Yes, why not start your own bank? It's always nice to have a career change now and again. I've recently become a loan shark and employ a number of big, menacing blokes to make sure people don't get behind with repayments. It's a challenge, but great fun!!
 
... as a non-mother, all I can think of is what the other people on the board had to do during her maternity leave!! Or did she work up to the birth day and come back 2 weeks' later .... hmmmmmmmm!
 
These bloody people with their bloody silly names. They are only doing it to show off.
 
Belle - yeah, you can imagine. Apparently she is working from home while on leave. What, working on producing baby number nine?

Vicus - too true. There's nothing that we bloggers hate more than people who show off. Especially ones with stupid names that we can take the piss out of.
 
this has set my aflame with the competitive spirit. i must dash off to have my fallopians re-plumbed at once in order to return fire:

Nanobot, Moonwire, Orange, Bus Stop, Milk, Airplane, Texas and Waffle.

HA! MY HAVE VICTORY OF NAMING!
MY NAMING FU IS UNBEATABLE!
 
FN - you know, I was always hoping to call my offspring Formaldehyde and Chloroform. Unfortunately, a lack of enthusiasm for the idea of giving birth to anything and an overindulgence in booze meant my tubes sealed up at the age of nineteen. Boo hoo.
 
Like a scene out of Python's Meaning Of Life I picture her at a City Council meeting expelling unplanned babies under the boardroom table
"and the next item is..
oh Bloody 'Ell...
here we go again..
Guv could ya be a Love and pick that up fo me?"

I am still laughing at 'family planning skills from 1870'

I could get a French Tickler if I wanted..I could go to the Chemists and say in a proud Protestant voice, I want you to sell me a condom!
 
I agree with Patroclus. Maybe Octavia was a hint of more to come ....

She should have started at Una and reached Octavia. The next should be Nonny.

Tuppy? Tup means to mate, so Tuppy was the result of someone tupping the mother!
 
HE - perhaps she is "unusually fertile" like my auntie who had seven children (mind you, she was also unusually stupid as well ...). Apparently years ago there used to be re-useable condoms. Eugh.

Llewtrah - I know, imagine being called Tuppy. Imagine all the years of bullying and namecalling. He/she (?) may as well give up now and withdraw from living among people. A life in a monastery beckons.
 
They do sound like something from a Beatrix Potter story. I can just imagine it.
"And then Tuppy hopped off down the lane to Mr. McGregor's garden to steal himself or herself a carrot or two."
Maybe this woman thinks she's the mother rabbit from the Beatrix Potter stories.
 
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