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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

WINTER WARMER 



I have too many scarves.

As a child, I managed to acquire a second hand girls' annual from the 1950's which was aimed at the lacrosse playing boarding school gel who would've been at home in the pages of Malory Towers books. Did these type of girls actually exist?

Well, one feature was suggesting ways that they could make themselves more attractive (presumably in case they met any boys. Which was unlikely, as they spent all their time at all girls boarding schools, playing lacrosse or riding horses or having scrummy midnight feasts w. potted meat sandwiches and lashings of ginger beer).

The annual suggested the following (I can remember it more or less word for word because, of course, I decided to live by this wisdom forever. It certainly helped me attract hundreds, nay, thousands, of admiring suitors from wealthy families):

"If you are the plainer type of girl, don't despair. A sweet smile or a pretty laugh work wonders. They tell a boy "I am feminine!" Many of us cannot afford the latest fashions, but ring the changes to a simple outfit with a gay accessory such as a brooch or scarf."

I've never amassed a collection of brooches, which might've been a bit more "it" in 1952, but I own a mountain of scarves.

Thin scarves, thick scarves, silky scarves, woolly scarves, printed scarves, plain scarves.

Yes, I use different types of knots when I wear them, which is poncey and pretentious.

I see a scarf and think "blimey, that looks like one of them Joan Miro murals, it's dead weird, it's only two quid in the sale, I have to get it!" and that's that.

The problem is, due to global warming, scarves are surely about to go the way of the dodo.

What with central heating, everyone wears short sleeves, even in the winter. Indoor shopping centres wack their heating up to about 30 degrees centigrade, presumably because they get complaints from those ridiculous people who've parked upstairs and have wandered into the centre in their shorts, t-shirts and flip flops (yeah, you do see them, don't you, even in February) ...

I won't be getting rid of my scarves because I am a hoarder.

Perhaps I could use them in, like, some sort of Joan Miro mural ...

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Comments:
I'm a fag hag so I have plenty of "gay accessories."
 
She were a great scarf designer - that Joan.
I too have lots of scarves but I haven't got the knack of wearing them with style. It must be because I didn't go to boarding school.
 
MJ - y'know, I thought "MJ is bound to say something about the expression gay accessories. I wonder how long before she notices?" About three minutes after the post was published actually - well done, you didn't let me down.

Kaz - wasn't it Joanne Miro? I've got a few of her knitting patterns. I don't use really difficult knots, otherwise I wouldn't be able to undo them.
 
You could give them to Billy if you don't want them. He loves scarves.

Or is it girls in scarves?
 
Is that your photo Betty? It already looks like an attractive muriel from here.

Tony Blair went to private school... I bet he kept a tube of "boarding school gel" in his pocket.
 
Oooh Billy will love this! He's an expert on scarves and the knotting thereof.

(Tried to post this at 3:30 but sodding beta wouldn't let me)
 
Yay scarves! I have lots of scarves, and I tend to get drunk and leave them in pubs sometimes.

There's no such thing as too many scarves (unless you count wearing, like, 60 of them at once) and varying the knots is essential. You don't want to go around looking the same as everyone else.

Buying scarves is good and not depressing like buying most clothing is.
 
Spinsterella - oh, I'll definitely keep them. I'm a hoarder, unfortunately.

Murph - yeah, those are my scarves, but the colours have gone a bit funny. "Boarding school gel" - we're getting close to "milky biscuit" territory here ...

Llewtrah - I can't do any really fancy knots. One of my favourites is the wrapping long scarves round and round effect which looks quite arty but requires less effort.

Billy - there is such a thing as too many scarves when you live in a very small house with limited space, unfortunately. I suppose buying other clothes involves having to try them on, then finding out they don't fit. No problems with scarves in that respect.
 
Betty - you've got *stairs* - your house must be fucking MASSIVE!
 
There were lots of cool scarves in the souk in Marrakech, very cheap too. Of course, if the jihadists get their way you'll be able to wear as many scarves as you want, even after global warming has taken hold. They won't be very gay though.
 
Darrell Rivers and co must have needed the scarves though. They were always being made to swim in that rockpool thing. Must have been bloody nippy.
 
Spinsterella - this is a house on a Wimpey estate, so it's as small as it possibly can be, even with stairs. Add to this all the CDs and DVDs and books, and discarded packaging and opened letters and newspapers left on every available surface by the other half of the partnership ... ahem ...

Richard - I don't think I'd be up to the bartering.

Realdoc - Enid Blyton always made her characters swim in rockpools, or play lacrosse in the wind and rain, or spend their time in dank, freezing caves. Sadistic cow.
 
"I suppose buying other clothes involves having to try them on, then finding out they don't fit. No problems with scarves in that respect."

Exactly!
 
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Mind you, there is such a thing as the Not Quite The Right Length scarf, which is too long if you wrap it around once, and too short if you knot it or wrap it around twice. You usually find them in sales.
 
I use my scarf as a headrest on the train, though in the winter there's never any bloody heating, so it's usually wrapped round my head while I hunch over and shiver for three hours. Bastards!
 
Funny how trains are always bloody freezing or overheated, never a happy medium.
 
Was it Girl's Own Paper? With every other article about Deanna Durbin? Or a knitting pattern for a pixie hood? Loved those.

I gather that in her later years, Ms Blyton enjoyed playing tennis.

In the nude.
 
Mangonel, it was actually called Girl Annual. Browsing through WH Smiths' sale recently, I saw one on the shelves. You know, one of those "best of" compiled annuals. It's something they've done for Jackie magazine and Smash Hits, but I would've thought the original readers of Girl would all be in retirement homes by now!
 
They really are beautiful, though.
I never wear anything but scrubs at work or t-shirts and sweatpants when not at work, the occasional nice pant suit for the two times a year I happen to actually go out, and thus have no need for scarves anymore, but they are fun!
 
I tend to overdress for things, or have done in the past. Now, whenever I go out in the evening, I don't have that much to wear because I never bother buy going out clothes anymore! Sad and pathetic, eh?
 
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