Tuesday, January 23, 2007
MIKE YARWOOD
Still don't feel inspired to write, but I'm just bloody sick of seeing Janice Battersby grinning in a self satisfied way every time I look at my blog. That and scrolling down to read 9.28 AM (37) comments. Argg!
So I thought I'd follow everyone else who's done a post about blogging personas. Not that I've got much of insight to say about the matter, but I'm sure that you don't visit this blog for insight, hem hem.
Thing is, I'm feeling a bit *left out of things* because I only have the one identity on the internet - me. I'm pretty much like this in real life. Stick a frightwig on me and a horrid common person's comedy "thick Brummie from thick Brummieland" accent and what you've read is pretty much what you get. I don't appear under a guise in forums for popular "cult" television shows, popular "cult" films or unpopular "cult" bands. I don't have a profile on MySpace because I don't have anything to sell (awful music, poncey short films or my raddled old body). Am I doing something wrong?
The one great thing about blogging - and it's really wonderful - is that no one has to know who I am. I'm aware that there are unfortunate bloggers whose identity has been outed and in some unfortunate circumstances they have lost their jobs, but it ain't gunna happen to me. I've led such an insignificant life education and career wise that if I Google my real name nothing comes up but a load of gobbledygook (Googledygook?).
Plus, I cover my tracks, due to excessive paranoia ... and I'm pretty lucky.
I don't post pictures of myself. Come on: I'm forty three. No one over the age of thirty five should have to look at themselves in the mirror any more if they don't have the courage to, let alone face their haggard mug on a computer screen for any passing pimple encrusted troll to leave a comment saying "fucking ugerlee ROFL, LMFAO. Are you a man? LOL LOL". No one has any idea what I look like ... apart from the few visitors who know me. Ever shall it stay that way.
I live in the middle of blogging nowhere - unlike Bristol, or North London, or East Angular, which are places that are absolutely teeming with bloggers. A recent survey found out that East Angular has a population of just 327 people, a staggering 89 per cent of which are bloggers. Anyway, not living within spitting distance of other bloggers means you're not going to bump into them in the town centre. Even better, you're not going to be threatened with any blogmeets. Perish the thought.
There was discussion on a TV programme this morning about stalking. There is now apparently a phenomenon known as cyberstalking. People see a picture of you or exchange messages with you and somehow feel that they're a part of your life. Ulp.
I know: it's difficult to avoid trolls, abusive commenters, and, er, "lonely" people who are "lonely" for a good reason. I feel particularly sorry for twenty and thirtysomething single women who I'm sure are a flame for every ageing and beergutted pub bore in the universe who thinks he might be * in with a chance* of finding someone who will share a love of steam trains, Kiri Te Kanawa, Keeping Up Appearances and "quiet nights in" at long last. It may be a drag, but at least THEY DON'T HAVE YOUR ADDRESS.
I may go off at a tangent with this topic at some point in the near future, if I still haven't found anything else to write about.
In the meantime ... WHY HASN'T THE BLOGGIES' SHORTLIST BEEN ANNOUNCED YET? I could do with something to bitch about ...
So I thought I'd follow everyone else who's done a post about blogging personas. Not that I've got much of insight to say about the matter, but I'm sure that you don't visit this blog for insight, hem hem.
Thing is, I'm feeling a bit *left out of things* because I only have the one identity on the internet - me. I'm pretty much like this in real life. Stick a frightwig on me and a horrid common person's comedy "thick Brummie from thick Brummieland" accent and what you've read is pretty much what you get. I don't appear under a guise in forums for popular "cult" television shows, popular "cult" films or unpopular "cult" bands. I don't have a profile on MySpace because I don't have anything to sell (awful music, poncey short films or my raddled old body). Am I doing something wrong?
The one great thing about blogging - and it's really wonderful - is that no one has to know who I am. I'm aware that there are unfortunate bloggers whose identity has been outed and in some unfortunate circumstances they have lost their jobs, but it ain't gunna happen to me. I've led such an insignificant life education and career wise that if I Google my real name nothing comes up but a load of gobbledygook (Googledygook?).
Plus, I cover my tracks, due to excessive paranoia ... and I'm pretty lucky.
I don't post pictures of myself. Come on: I'm forty three. No one over the age of thirty five should have to look at themselves in the mirror any more if they don't have the courage to, let alone face their haggard mug on a computer screen for any passing pimple encrusted troll to leave a comment saying "fucking ugerlee ROFL, LMFAO. Are you a man? LOL LOL". No one has any idea what I look like ... apart from the few visitors who know me. Ever shall it stay that way.
I live in the middle of blogging nowhere - unlike Bristol, or North London, or East Angular, which are places that are absolutely teeming with bloggers. A recent survey found out that East Angular has a population of just 327 people, a staggering 89 per cent of which are bloggers. Anyway, not living within spitting distance of other bloggers means you're not going to bump into them in the town centre. Even better, you're not going to be threatened with any blogmeets. Perish the thought.
There was discussion on a TV programme this morning about stalking. There is now apparently a phenomenon known as cyberstalking. People see a picture of you or exchange messages with you and somehow feel that they're a part of your life. Ulp.
I know: it's difficult to avoid trolls, abusive commenters, and, er, "lonely" people who are "lonely" for a good reason. I feel particularly sorry for twenty and thirtysomething single women who I'm sure are a flame for every ageing and beergutted pub bore in the universe who thinks he might be * in with a chance* of finding someone who will share a love of steam trains, Kiri Te Kanawa, Keeping Up Appearances and "quiet nights in" at long last. It may be a drag, but at least THEY DON'T HAVE YOUR ADDRESS.
I may go off at a tangent with this topic at some point in the near future, if I still haven't found anything else to write about.
In the meantime ... WHY HASN'T THE BLOGGIES' SHORTLIST BEEN ANNOUNCED YET? I could do with something to bitch about ...
Comments:
You will notice though that 89% of the population of East Angular have a blog because here is nothing else to do in East Angular but blog about there being nothing to do in East Angular.
There may be something very deep about that statement, but I'm from East Angular, so I wouldn't know.
There may be something very deep about that statement, but I'm from East Angular, so I wouldn't know.
You think it's bad. I can't walk down the street here without overhearing people talk about "beta templates" and "RSS feeds" whatever they are.
Can you believe it Girlwithonefatbehind actually asked her 10 squillion dedicated readers recently to NOT vote for her this year as she had won last year - big-headed or what?
Betty you must check this lady out ... she's hilarious!
http://secrets-and-subterfuge.blogspot.com
I'm from East Angular so I'm easily impressed of couse....
http://secrets-and-subterfuge.blogspot.com
I'm from East Angular so I'm easily impressed of couse....
# posted by 
: 8:00 pm
: 8:00 pm
I was going to claim that everyone from East Angular is a one eyed inbreed, but I won't.
I live in a small village (full of one eyed inbreeds).
Anyone local finds my blog and they'll send round a posse with flaming torches.
I live in a small village (full of one eyed inbreeds).
Anyone local finds my blog and they'll send round a posse with flaming torches.
# posted by : 8:41 pm
: 8:41 pm
(Blimey, they've all gone East Angular crazy)
Kellycat - well, there must be something to do in EA (as they're all calling it), otherwise you'd post more than once every six months!
Billy - whereas it's all just talk about rawl plugs and valve sockets around here.
Rockmother - I suppose she realises that people are pretty predictable in their voting habits though. It's getting like the NME when The Jam used to win every category ... or something like that.
Thirty seven was fairly high on the comments count, and the post was a few days old, AND a few of the comments were made up. The one from Eminem, for instance, may not have been from Eminem.
Murph - is that a blog written by a family member then? *narrows eyes*. Hmm ...
Garfer - it's alright for you. You've got a moat around your castle and your own army to protect you. If anyone around here finds out that I'm a blogger I've only got very basic martial arts skills and a frying pan to protect meself.
Llewtrah - oh well, I'm from the West Midlands. I don't know how high up the national ridicule scale that must be, but it's pretty high.
Realdoc - it probably influenced your decision to become a blogger, yes.
Murph - does Bernard Matthews have a blog? I bet it's a real turkey.
Kellycat - well, there must be something to do in EA (as they're all calling it), otherwise you'd post more than once every six months!
Billy - whereas it's all just talk about rawl plugs and valve sockets around here.
Rockmother - I suppose she realises that people are pretty predictable in their voting habits though. It's getting like the NME when The Jam used to win every category ... or something like that.
Thirty seven was fairly high on the comments count, and the post was a few days old, AND a few of the comments were made up. The one from Eminem, for instance, may not have been from Eminem.
Murph - is that a blog written by a family member then? *narrows eyes*. Hmm ...
Garfer - it's alright for you. You've got a moat around your castle and your own army to protect you. If anyone around here finds out that I'm a blogger I've only got very basic martial arts skills and a frying pan to protect meself.
Llewtrah - oh well, I'm from the West Midlands. I don't know how high up the national ridicule scale that must be, but it's pretty high.
Realdoc - it probably influenced your decision to become a blogger, yes.
Murph - does Bernard Matthews have a blog? I bet it's a real turkey.
Betty, they are at least genuine, honestly felt comments made by people who love you (and BARRY SCOTT) and not by pervs winging their way in via a pair pop diva legs.
# posted by : 9:38 pm
: 9:38 pm
Hi I'm BARRY SCOTT and I just LOVE to COMMENT and tell everyone about CILLIT BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG. DIP THE PENNY GOOD AS NEW DIP THE PENNY GOOD AS NEW.
YUP! CIAO!
YUP! CIAO!
# posted by : 1:02 am
: 1:02 am
phew. I thought we'd lost Janice Battersby for good, but scrolling down, I am not disappointed.
*mops brow*
*mops brow*
Lord B - welcome. I think most Coronation Street viewers would certainly like to get rid of Janice for good, but she keeps resurfacing, cackling evil little hobgoblin that she is.
It's been two and a half months actually Betty. If you start getting demanding I won't post again until June*
*n.b. promise, not threat.
*n.b. promise, not threat.
So I was in this pub and there were these two old gits in there, and they started talking about bloody music I'd never heard of. Then they moved on to blogging. Aye aye I thought, this could be interesting. And bugger me if it wasn't bloody Betty. So I whipped out my mobile phone and took a pic and she doesn't even know I took it.
Yes, I know, the whole bloody nation wants this pic and I've bloody got it.
Am I excited or what!
Yes, I know, the whole bloody nation wants this pic and I've bloody got it.
Am I excited or what!
# posted by : 10:00 am
: 10:00 am
Kellycat - I said six months because I'm a bit of a drama queen, y'know.
Tom - hah! I refuse to give in to threats of blackmail. Just to pull the rug from under your feet, here's the picture of the "two old gits" everyone wants to see (apparently) - http://spiritinfusion.blogspot.com/uploaded_images/old%20couple-743330.jpg
I'm the one on the left.
Tom - hah! I refuse to give in to threats of blackmail. Just to pull the rug from under your feet, here's the picture of the "two old gits" everyone wants to see (apparently) - http://spiritinfusion.blogspot.com/uploaded_images/old%20couple-743330.jpg
I'm the one on the left.
I outted myself so that I would not make any revolting comments, outlandish claims, spurious remarks or ridiculous, blatant fabrications that I would hesitate to say in the real world. I figured that this idiotic notion acted as a moral governor and therefore that I would be more responsible and far less tedious.
To date this has been a catastrophic failure.
D'OH!
To date this has been a catastrophic failure.
D'OH!
Spinsterella - Glenda is all too real, in a very real sense, but at least she's a safe distance away in America.
HE - say what you want, it's a free country, live like you wanna live baby as, er, Chuck Berry said. I'm too much of a coward to reveal my real identity because I'm scared of getting abuse hurled at me in the street, which may be a paranoid overreaction, but ...
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HE - say what you want, it's a free country, live like you wanna live baby as, er, Chuck Berry said. I'm too much of a coward to reveal my real identity because I'm scared of getting abuse hurled at me in the street, which may be a paranoid overreaction, but ...
